I [27M] am raising my sister [17F] and she’s a lesbian. A school sports coach said it’s because she doesn’t have proper parents and my sister reacted. I’m called to school.

A 27-year-old man raising his 17-year-old sister after their parents passed away faced a difficult situation when a school sports coach made inappropriate comments about his sister’s sexuality, attributing it to the lack of “proper parents.”

The sister responded angrily, referencing personal issues about the coach’s family, and was subsequently removed from the sports class. The school has called him in to discuss her “behavior,” leaving him unsure how to approach the meeting.

‘ I [27M] am raising my sister [17F] and she’s a lesbian. A school sports coach said it’s because she doesn’t have proper parents and my sister reacted. I’m called to school.’

Our mom passed away when 7 years ago when I was 20, and my sisters were 11 and 10 (dad passed away 7 years before that). Since then, it’s just me and my little sisters, although I get help from our grandparents and aunt as well.

It’s not been easy but I think we’re fine in general and we’re all a happy family. I tend to get advice when I need it and this is when I need advice. We live in a moderate place (not US), it’s not the most liberal area but also not the most conservative area either.

My sister came out as a lesbian last year and it’s been a very smooth process actually. People close to us are generally very understanding and people who aren’t really need no reason to be close to us. She hasn’t had any problems at school about this until yesterday.

She’s dating a girl (very nice girl, I know her parents) and apparently the sports coach noticed this. She asked if she’s the girl who lives with her brother, and when my sister said yes, she basically said that “poor you, things like this can happen when kids don’t have proper parents” in front of some other students.

She was shocked and said her if she can elaborate. The coach said “it’s not your fault honey, when you don’t have a mother figure s**t like this happens. They shouldn’t give hothead boys custody of teenage girls. A real family should have adopted you when your mom died.”

My sister was angry and said in front of everyone that she should try to be a better mom herself before making comments about other people’s parents, that they all know her daughter is a j**kie and give guys blowjobs for a joint. She kicked my sister out of the sports class.

I have confirmed that this is happened from a couple of her friends parents (that’s exactly what my sister told me as well). I was planning to call the school today but they called me earliest thing in the morning themselves, asking me to come in person to discuss my sister’s “behavior”.

I’m genuinely pissed off that a school staff made such a comment to my sister, let alone making comments about the quality of parenting that my sisters are receiving. I don’t know how I should approach this issue. Any help is much appreciated.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

redflipflop −  Get your cousin involved. Go to the meeting. Introduce your lawyer and say you are here to talk about teacher’s misconduct. Redirect any conversation away from your sister and back to the teacher. Do not engage about your sister.

You should also consider going to the press if your sister is okay with it. EDIT: People are saying a lawyer is overkill. Here’s why I suggest it. When you go in there, there will be multiple people from the school, and you. Your situation is sad and seems to be well known.

“Backup” will give you confidence and reduce the chance of you getting bullied and intimidated down from addressing the teacher’s behavior. It will also increase the likelihood of them taking your seriously instead of treating you like a child (they may see you as a child/peer to your sister, not an adult/parent).

somnodoc −  I’d approach it by demanding to speak with the principal and the teacher involved. Not just the teacher involved and not a deputy principal. I would demand a public apology from the teacher in front of the whole school or you will sue for discrimination.

thathotredhead −  I don’t know when you’re going in there, but if you have time, cross-post this to /r/legaladvice. They should be able to give you some talking points for when you go into the school, because that it completely unacceptable for that coach to talk to your sister like that, and you need to know where you stand to prevent them from railroading you.

inkypinkyblinkyclyde −  Bring a lawyer with you. That’ll scare them into doing right by your sister. Seriously. Nothing scares school administrator more than a fear of a lawsuit.

Count_Zrow −  Give her a high five and bake her a cake. F**k that lady.

appalady −  I don’t really have any good advice, but I am honestly proud of your sister. She stood up for herself. The coach said some stupid ignorant FUCKED up s**t, and your sister gave a taste of her own medicine.

The coach deserved it and your sister should NOT apologize for what she said. I wish I can give her a high five.

colakoala200 −  So … watch out for the advice you’re getting here. Reddit loves to get morally outraged and people get the justice boner big time. People want to see that a**hole coach receive some justice. I do too! But I think *you* should have different priorities.

Your priority needs to be your sister, both her getting the best education possible and also feeling loved and accepted by you. So you’ve got a little balancing act to follow here. First of all, I think you should sit your sister down and talk to her yourself. Number one — validate her feelings.

If she felt shocked and offended it’s totally natural. The coach singled her out for shaming in a totally inappropriate way. Number two — talk about how she reacted. If this was my daughter I would tell her she was wrong to say such hurtful things to the coach, especially if they’re true.

She should have just told you or complained to another teacher or administrator about the coach’s behavior. I think this is a really important message for your sister. But don’t overdo it. All your sister did was say some hurtful things, it could have been a lot worse. And then you have to deal with the school.

This is where your sister needs to see you going to bat for her. They may have asked you there to discuss your sister’s behavior, but you can just ignore their agenda and substitute your own. Specifically, you are there *first and foremost* to discuss the coach’s inappropriate conduct towards your sister and to ask what is going to be done about that.

Once they have acknowledged that behavior was wrong, you can discuss how your sister reacted. Once the coach has apologized for her behavior, your sister might apologize for her own hurtful words towards the coach.

If the school officials try to deviate from that agenda, you just say “I’m not ready to discuss how my sister reacted until we have discussed the context in which that happened.” Just say it over and over if you have to.

Only make threats, for instance of legal action, in the worst case scenario. Most particularly, if they try to suspend or expel your sister over the incident, particularly without the coach facing any discipline at all.

actuallynow −  I would go in, listen to what they have to say, and share your thoughts (i.e., no, your sister shouldn’t have said those things, but the coach should have never said what he/she did to a child…they are the adult and have no place commenting on her sexuality or home life,

especially in front of other students, and especially hurtful/judgemental remarks such as that). They probably just called you in as part of their usual process when a student is dismissed from a team/class,

and I doubt any real punishment will happen as your sister and the coach both said inappropriate things and it’s also a he said/she said type of altercation. They probably just want to clear the air.

However, I would make it very clear that it is not acceptable for staff or faculty to say such things to your sister, as to set a precedent in case it comes up again. Also, good for you in regards to stepping up to the plate with your family. That has to be tough; I’m sure you’re doing a great job.