AITA for not getting an Uber for my drunk friend to take her home?

A Reddit user (35M) describes a situation where their friend, Jane (45F), became upset after a night out when they didn’t arrange an Uber for her or let her stay over at their place. Although Jane had stayed over before, this time there was no prior agreement, and the user assumed she would take the train home as she had done in the past.

However, after realizing she left her house keys at the user’s place, Jane blamed them for abandoning her. While she apologized the next day, she still felt the user should have handled the situation differently. Now, the user wonders if they were wrong for not stepping up in that moment.

‘ AITA for not getting an Uber for my drunk friend to take her home?’

I M(35) quite recently met a friend F(45), Jane (name changed), and we hit it off and became quite close. This is a purely platonic friendship and I have made it clear on multiple occasions I just want a friendship. I feel the need to mention this as I think treating a friend vs a partner is very different.

We’ve been hanging out together many times, going to events, dinner, drinks, movies, etc and have gotten drunk together in the past. A couple times, she has crashed at my place if it was late and she was tired/drunk since she lives about 45min away by train, and I was ok with that as long as it was discussed and I was prepared.

Recently, we went out to a party during the day, the plan was she would come over to my place, leave a change of clothes at my place, go to the party, we would both come back together, she would get changed and go to another event. She wasn’t planning on staying over, so I wasn’t prepared for her staying over, especially since the plan was for her to go out and do her own thing afterwards.

What ended up happening instead is we went out as planned, but ended up enjoying ourselves so we stayed out and she made no indication that she wanted to leave. The party goes on, and we stay out late, so too late for her to go to her other event, and both of us get quite drunk. Once we wrap up at the location, I wanted to stay out with friends but could tell she was drunk so I walked her to the train station so she could get on the train and go straight to her home (about 45min away).

While I’m out, I start getting calls from her claiming I abandoned her on the train and how I’m a terrible friend. Later I get another call saying she left the keys to her house at my place and now she is waiting on someone to bring her spare set of keys to her, blaming me for that since I didn’t take her back to my place. Needless to say, the rest of my night was ruined, so I just went home.

So the next day we talk, and while she was apologetic for her actions, she insisted that a friend should have got her an Uber since she was so drunk rather than letting her fend for herself on the train, and all her other friends would have gotten her one given her state.

Now, in my defense, I’ve seen her drunk and take the train back in the past when she needed to be up the next day, I was fairly drunk myself, and I didn’t treat her differently from any of my friends. So AITA for not getting her an Uber or letting her stay over?

See what others had to share with OP:

Charming-Pack-5979 −  This woman has been of drinking age for over 20 years. She should not be drinking to the point that she can’t take care of herself on the regular. I’d also be suspicious because if the friendship developed really quickly, she might be love-bombing (not the right word for friendship but you know what I mean). I wonder if she has long term friends or, more likely, lots of recent friends that she imposes upon until they cut her off? NTA, and proceed with caution.

elevenohnoes −  She clearly had her phone, and was able to use it. She could have ordered an Uber for herself. Why is it up to you to order, and I’m guessing pay for it? NTA, you helped her get to her usual mode of transport, and she didn’t ask for anything else when it was in your power to do anything.

Apart-Scene-9059 −  NTA: If she wanted an uber back she could have A. asked you or B. Get her own uber. You were both drunk and when you get drunk you can’t blame another drunk person for not properly taking care of you

afirelullaby −  As a woman who is of a similar age, I would be grateful you supported me getting to the train station. You are not her drunk emotional support animal, she is an adult and can communicate what she needs and what she is feeling. You cannot do her emotional work for her. NTA.

ApprehensiveBook4214 −  NTA.  Are you sure she’s not trying for a romantic relationship?  Between “accidentally” leaving the keys, staying with you instead of her original plans, and the whole Uber thing strike me as things women sometimes do to try and push a romantic relationship.

BrilliantEmphasis862 −  She is 45 – she should be able to manage herself, her keys and her drinking. NTA. She could have called herself an Uber.

hadMcDofordinner −  Jane is not in control of her behavior. You need to stop drinking with her. Have a coffee, see a show with her, but no alcohol. Stop letting her stay over when she’s drunk. You are putting yourself in harm’s way.

Personally, I wouldn’t want to put a drunk female friend in a Uber/taxi on her own. I’m not sure putting her on the train was the best solution but if she was able to text and complain, then she was probably able to fend for herself.
Soft NTA Stop being a party to Jane’s need to make herself vulnerable when out socially.

Mindless_Gap8026 −  NTA. Both of you were quite drunk in your own words. Just because you are male don’t make you responsible for her.

Sandman0312 −  NTA. You didn’t take her to raise. I don’t make a habit of babysitting my friends. She put on her big girl pants and went out for the night and got drunk. It’s not on you to ensure she is making good decisions (like remembering her keys). Even if you had ordered an Uber, she still wouldn’t have had her keys to get in.

What prevented her from ordering an Uber? Past precedence says she rides the train drunk. Are you supposed to be some omniscient being with the psychic ability to glean her passing whims? Tell her you must have missed the form where you could start claiming her as a dependant on your taxes…

SkinnyPig45 −  The last time I took a train like this was the last time I took a drink lol. Been sober over five years now. She’s not your responsibility. If this is a habit of hers, there may be an issue, and it’s not yours.