[Update] My [28M] friends/co-workers [20s M/F] are mocking my wife [22F] and our arranged marriage, not sure how to address or deal with this?

A 28-year-old man shares the emotional resolution to his earlier struggles with friends and co-workers mocking his wife and their arranged marriage. After confronting his friends about their disrespectful behavior, he faced more ridicule and ultimately decided to cut ties.

His wife, feeling guilty, urged him not to give up his friendships for her sake, leading to a heartfelt conversation where he reassured her of her importance. Their bond has grown stronger, and the man reflects on how he now sees the situation more clearly thanks to outside perspectives. Read the full story below.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/tjLdR

‘ [Update] My [28M] friends/co-workers [20s M/F] are mocking my wife [22F] and our arranged marriage, not sure how to address or deal with this?’

After reading through the comments on my previous post, it really surprised and shocked me how many people thought my friends were r**ist, bigots, or assholes. It struck a chord deep in me with how many outsiders had such a different perspective on the issue,

where I thought I wasn’t being firm enough and my friends were just ignorant in terms of the ramifications of their actions, whereas the vast majority of commentators thought they were just plain assholes and racists.

I guess I was hoping if I was simply firm in my resolve, and told them in no uncertain terms if their disrespectful behavior were to continue we could no longer continue socializing, they would see the error in their ways and hopefully apologize to my wife.

So yesterday, I asked them if we could all meet up to discuss something important, and after work we all went for drinks. Once we started talking, I told them how disrespectful they were being towards both my wife and I,

and addressed how much it had hurt my wife to be made fun of just because of her accent and ignorance when it comes to American customs. I continued by saying that I understand we usually joke about these sorts of topics, such as race, but that I now realized how wrong it was and it all needed to stop.

They did not take me seriously at all. Immediately everyone began commenting on how much of a “b**ch” I’d become since getting married, and I was always so prissy and sensitive about s**t we’d used to laugh about all the time. They continued by saying I never enjoyed myself anymore,

and how I’d basically abandoned our group because I was always spending time with my wife. I was constantly trying to respond, or defend myself, but the fuckers kept interrupting me and wouldn’t let me say anything. They also said I stopped partying like I used to, like what the f**k?

Sorry I’m not interested in getting shitfaced at the club every Friday night, we’re not in college anymore. Then one of the guys says, “Are you being all uptight because you’re not getting laid anymore? I’m surprised man, if my wife was as hot as (my wife’s name) I’d be banging the s**t out her everyday.”

Then all of them f**king laughed like he’d made a hilarious joke instead of being a massive d**che bag. After that I was done with them, and told them they I no longer wanted to socialize with people who were being completely disrespectful and held bigoted attitudes towards my wife, then left.

Once I got home, my wife immediately asked what was wrong. I suppose I must’ve still looked pissed off over what transpired. I told her how sorry I was over the way I handled the situation, and she would no longer have to deal with their mocking and b**lying.

She looked extremely guilty that I said this, and told me I didn’t have to sacrifice my happiness and friendships just to please her, and I should continue hanging out with them if I really wanted to. I don’t know, I’m kind of embarrassed to admit it but I started crying like a baby.

This women, who’d left everything behind, her life, family, friends, to travel halfway across the world to a completely different country all on the promise that I would provide her with a better life, thought this entire situation was her fault, and was saying I should prioritize my happiness over her own feelings or well-being.

It broke me, and made me realize what a selfish p**ck I was. So I spent over an hour convincing her this wasn’t her fault at all, and that she should never believe my feelings are more important than her’s, and whenever she is feeling hurt, or angry, she should express those feelings without ever thinking it was wrong to do so.

I’m very saddened by how long I had allowed this to transpire, and have a ton of making up to do. Also, I just wanted to express my thanks reddit. This was the main reason I posted an update,

your guys’ comments really helped take the wool off my eyes and understand the reality of the situation. We’re in a much better place now because of it, and I truly do appreciate everything, thank you.

See what others had to share with OP:

[Reddit User] −  You’re a good man, OP, and I know you will find friends who are not pricks and will not make fun of you and your wife.

MajorEyeRoll −  It’s sad how ridiculous your “friends” were, but in the end, you spoke up for yourself and your wife. I had a coworker that was married through an arranged marriage (he was from India) and I never heard anyone speak negatively about it or his wife. Not everyone will treat you or her that way. Good riddance to their b**lshit.

Elephansion −  I think you and your wife will start falling in love very soon if you haven’t already 🙂

yspud −  You, my friend, are a badass. . Your wife is very lucky and it sounds like you are a pretty lucky dude as well to have found such a good woman. You are both willing to sacrifice for the others happiness. Sounds like a fantastic match. Enjoy your life!

cupcakesorpancakes −  I read your original post but didn’t comment. I remember getting the impression that you weren’t standing up for her as firmly as you should have. So I’m happy to read this update. Your friends are f**king assholes.

You did the right thing by initiating that conversation; the fact that they dismissed your concerns and attacked you reaffirms what pieces of shits they are. So, no loss on your part.

Your loyalty in these situations should always be to your SO. And having her back is important. I’m glad you empathized the importance of open communication with her. This is something for you two to work on.

Check in and ask her about her needs more openly and regularly if she is naturally less vocal. And try to meet mutual friends together. Meetup groups are a great way for you to explore your interests together and for her to find her own friends.

[Reddit User] −  This is so touching. I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with ass holes like that. But you’re done with that toxicity now and you can continue to move forward 🙂 right on.

jesteridiot −  Dude if they (co workers)are saying r**ist stuff at work about you and your wife why haven’t you reported them to HR? You can’t let work placed b**lying slide, they will escalate things now you have stood your ground.

Demon4SL −  Good on you for not knocking out the guy that made that comment about wanting to have s** with your wife. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to resist in your place.

ageekyninja −  Basically, man, your old friends are children. They sound like “basic bros”. You grew up. When they’re hitting their mid 40s I don’t think they’ll be as happy to circle j**k over how cool they are . in fact, watch…the group will grow smaller and smaller as more of them get a life. You were just the first to leave

beanfiddler −  Aw, this update was really sweet to read. I admit that I have my own reservations about the institution of arranged marriage, but that doesn’t mean that people can’t make the most of it and be awesome to each other.

I totally applaud you for putting your wife above the bounds of friendship. My marriage was not arranged, but it’s good to see that people share my conviction that a marriage ought to be a partnership that transcends all other priorities.

I support my wife above other people without reservation, and she does the same for me, and I sincerely hope that everyone would be so lucky as to find a relationship like that in their lifetime.

Friends come and go, but your relationship with your wife should be a light in the darkness, a safe place in dark times, for so long as you live. You can find more friends. It’s so much more difficult to find a new marriage, and so much more unnecessary.

I wish you and her all the happiness in the world, and I’m so happy to hear that you resolved your conflict in a way that made your relationship stronger.

This update highlights the importance of standing up for loved ones and recognizing when friendships become toxic. Have you ever had to make tough decisions about cutting ties with friends to protect a relationship? How would you handle such a situation, and what advice would you give to others in a similar position? Share your thoughts below!