My [28M] friends/co-workers [20s M/F] are mocking my wife [22F] and our arranged marriage, not sure how to address or deal with this?

A 28-year-old man shares his frustration with his friends and co-workers mocking his wife, who is from India, and their arranged marriage. His friends often make fun of her accent and cultural differences, and one co-worker has even commented that the marriage isn’t “real.”

The man is concerned about his wife’s feelings and wants to know how to address the situation with his friends and co-workers while also helping his wife feel more confident in social settings. Read the original story below.

‘ My [28M] friends/co-workers [20s M/F] are mocking my wife [22F] and our arranged marriage, not sure how to address or deal with this?’

My wife and I have been married for close to a year now. She was born and raised in India her entire life, while I have been raised here in America since I was four years old. As you all saw in the title, this was an arranged marriage, and I met her around two weeks before the wedding.

Despite not knowing each other for a longer period of time, we have grown very close and I care for her deeply. My main group of friends, however, many whom I have known since college, have joked and made fun of our marriage, and my wife.

For example, we were at a dinner party a couple months and my friends were talking about something. My wife then commented, but because she has a pretty pronounced Indian accent, she butchered a few words, and everyone laughed and began to impersonate and make fun of her.

I could see how much this hurt her, and for the rest of the night she was silent and later on asked to leave early. This was the only time this occurred in front of her, but many times when I have gone out with my buddies they casually make fun of her accent, or her confusion when it comes to American traditions and customs,

and every time I tell them enough, they say “I’m just joking man, chill out”, or “Don’t take it so seriously”. In addition, there have been a few times when I’ve gone out or talked with co-workers,

and when they begin to talk about or complain about their relationships and I chime in, they basically ignore or make snide remarks regarding what I have to say. I specifically remember one time where a co worker said “What do you know about marriage? Yours is not even an actual marriage”.

I suppose I’m asking for help on how to deal with these sorts of comments, as I’m sure more will come throughout my marriage. My wife is naturally just very shy, so I know she won’t try and defend herself when s**t like this happens.

She hasn’t been able to make any friends since coming here, and refuses to come out with me because of my friends. I know she feels home sick at times, and I really want to help her come out of her shell because she’s a wonderful person and her happiness is extremely important to me.

So I suppose I have two questions, how can I deal with my friends and co workers? And how do I help my wife gain more confidence and come out of her shell?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Cookiedamonster −  You need new friends – these ones are awful! My coworker was from India and she had an arranged marriage and it was one of the sweetest relationships I’ve seen. Choose friends that respect you, not hurt you.

AgeOfWomen −  how can I deal with my friends and co workers?. Firmly but politely.. “I’m just joking man, chill out”. *”You might be joking but I am not.”*. “Don’t take it so seriously”. *”That is my wife you are talking about and I am taking it seriously”*

And how do I help my wife gain more confidence and come out of her shell? Are there any interests your wife has and are there any clubs in your area that correspond to her interests?

Are there indian communities in your area? Also, you might want to do a fun activity together, like dancing (assuming she likes to dance). Or go swimming or cycling together. Preferably something outdoorsy.

CinderellaElla −  Your friends are acting like assholes. Making fun of for being from India and your marriage is super s**tty. In the future, I wouldn’t share with everyone that your marriage is an arranged marriage. In the current time, I would tell them that it’s not acceptable and it’s not funny.

If they don’t, I would stop hanging out with them. They don’t respect you, they’re xenophobic… As for your wife, are there any Indian community centers or temples near by? I used to take classical Indian dance- there were a lot of Indian adults in the class (I was the only non-Indian) so that might be a good fit for her.

[Reddit User] −  I have to agree your friends sound like assholes. Have they never met or known anyone for whom English is a second language? Have they never travelled to a country they didn’t know the language? I’m horrified they’d mock her accent.

If you want to remain friends with them, then you’re going to have to shut down those comments. “I was joking.” Answer, “it’s not a joke, it’s very rude and hurtful.”

“Your marriage isn’t real.” Answer, “that’s a rude comment. Why would you say something like that?” Your friends seem unable to accept cultures and customs different than their own.

Bee_Hummingbird −  To piggyback on what some other commenters said about her speaking English as a second language, I would ask your friends to try learning hindi and see how stupid they sound. At least your wife is intelligent enough to even learn a second language!

She is also stepping far outside of her comfort zone to make an effort to communicate with your friends, and they are making fun of her for that. They are literally shaming her for being a good wife. Point that out.

Throway99038 −  they say “I’m just joking man, chill out”, or “Don’t take it so seriously”. Casual racism is racism, there are no ifs and buts, call that s**t out immediately. Your friends are assholes. Plain and simple.

Maybe you should get more involved within your own community, where people would be more far more understanding of your relationship with your wife, it will make her comfortable as well,

to be around people who she can relate with. Honestly i don’t think your friends respect you anymore after your arranged marriage. Prioritize your marriage over your s**tty friends. Do a slow fade on them.

nanofarm −  Oh my gosh, these are not your friends. These people are r**ist a holes. My lab partner in grad school was Indian. Great guy. He got lonely so he went home on break and came back with a wife. It was a strange and new concept to all of us white people, so we we asked some respectful and curious questions.

When we learned that she hadn’t left the apartment in the week she had been there, we threw a casual party to welcome her. We all became great friends. She often brought food to all of us when we were in the lab late at night. They have been married ten years, and have one of the best relationships I have ever seen.

I always puts her needs first and always respects her (and her him). That is what I admire the most. Your wife needs your respect, which means standing up for her. I imagine she must be feeling very lonely and or isolated. show her that you are in her corner.

[Reddit User] −  It is not cool to make fun of someone struggling with a second language. You can begin by telling your friends their sense of humor is not funny and insulting. If they keep disrespecting your wife and your marriage, you can probably do with better people in your life than them.

“The comments you made about my wife and marriage are insulting and completely not funny. If we are to continue socializing, you need to respect my personal life.” And follow through with it. If they disregard your wishes, only tolerate them at work.

Courier-6 −  I feel bad for your wife. You should’ve cut these friends out when they refused to take you or her seriously. You’re enabling them by hanging out with them despite the fact that they’re so clearly f**king r**ist. And they say s**t to her face? Seriously?

If you care about her, act like it and stop being around those people! What is wrong with you? She’s your wife. She is number one. Not your s**tty, r**ist friends. The fact that you even have to ask about this is really sad. Your poor wife.

Ghosthost1 −  Please stand up for your wife more strongly. It’s not just their words that can hurt her, but a seeming lack of support from you in front of your friends hurts even more. The two of you are a team, and she needs to see you defend her as she would defend you.

This situation clearly calls for a delicate balance of addressing the problem with friends and protecting the wife’s emotional well-being. Have you experienced similar situations where a loved one was disrespected or misunderstood due to cultural differences?

How would you approach supporting your partner and confronting those who cross boundaries? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/XoJnc