UPDATE: My sister (f36) and I (f35) signed a 3 year lease. She got pregnant 3 months in. How do I tell her I want to move out?

A Reddit user shared an update on their situation with their sister, who became pregnant after they signed a 3-year lease together. The tension between them escalated when the user decided to move out. Despite her sister’s initial anger and manipulation, the user persevered in finding a new place for herself and her son.

However, the emotional fallout has been intense, with the sister expressing grief over a miscarriage and the user reflecting deeply on their role in perpetuating toxic dynamics. Now settled in her new home, the user is focusing on healing and hopes for a future reconciliation with her sister.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/QHXwL

‘ UPDATE: My sister (f36) and I (f35) signed a 3 year lease. She got pregnant 3 months in. How do I tell her I want to move out ?’

Posting on Reddit was an absolute wake-up call. My sister found the post. Her and her ex totally berated me in a government building conference room after hours. When I was adamant about moving out, things got substantially worse. My sister decided he would not move in, and we would both move out.

I notified the landlord to give him 60 days notice. I found a place for myself, and my son. It’s within my budget, and absolutely perfect. With an exit in sight, things were starting to become tolerable. Come mid November, there was still the issue of shared assets,

so I braced the difficult conversation with my sister via text requesting to set a date and time to discuss things. Her actual reply was “s*** my d***, I’m blocking you.” I remember being shocked. This was actually out of character.

My son and I got in late that night to find that the internet password had been changed with a message on the chalkboard that as soon as I drop the topic of shared assets and prepay the upcoming electric bill, she would not reveal the wifi password.

We live in an area without cell coverage, so I couldn’t even message my sister to call her out. I’m not proud, but I went to the garage and unplugged the router, and locked it in my truck. When she came to me, she was furious.

I can hardly remember what she said now—what I can say is that she was very cruel and near violent. In that verbal vomit she said “You have no idea what I’ve been through – I miscarried.” At that point, I asked her to give me a few minutes to process.

I left shortly after, with my son and my dog, leaving the router on the porch. I’m embarrassed to say that I offered to stay the night, and keep her company. I realize now that in order to support someone, we have to ask ourselves if this is safe, if we have the capacity to offer support and if this person has the capacity to accept support.

She half way apologized a couple days later. After that, she grieved independently, and almost silently. My son and I grieved independently from her, being careful to follow her direction and boundaries of “not taking about it”.. Weeks felt like months.. The house was cold.

Any level of contact or coordination was the beginning of a fight. In therapy I started to unpack the events over the last year. I learnt a great deal about myself, mostly in regards to my self integrity. I’ve come to understand my role in perpetuating her controlling behaviours,

my lack of self-esteem which snowballed under our shared roof—leaving me in a state of ambivalence, and complacency. I recognize the ways in which my sister held little to no regard to my autonomy, often using emotional manipulation to force my submission. I know this is abuse.

Know that when she got cold, I got colder—I am not innocent in all this. Someone once described us as “an immovable object meeting an unstoppable force”. I think there are times where we play either role. I carry deep compassion and love for my sister and remain forever empathic.

I remain optimistic that she will come to understandings of her own that will reunite her with her humility. I am terribly sorry for her loss, and often find myself worried about her well-being, I have hope that in time, we can build a stronger, more sustainable dynamic.

I am painting my bedroom at my new place. Even with my son on the other side of the country this holiday, I feel at peace here. I wish my sister has peace too. A day will come where we can overcome some of these hardships, but that day is not today.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

RoseySofia −  sounds like a lot of mess and hurt on both sides, you did the best with keeping distance, having therapy and living in peace with your son. you’re so nice for being optimistic about your relationship, i hope the same too that eventually, you both find peace

50pencepeace −  I hate those people that come into a thread and declare it as fake, but this is fake right? Feels like it was written by AI

StolenPens −  Good. I hope your life gets better without your a**sive sister in it. I kind of want to address how you felt that you were equally at fault for the fighting. I think it’s completely normal to label your reaction to her abuse as being just as bad, but I also want you to recognize that your sister sounds bstshit crazy.

I realize that saying you were at fault is a way for you to reclaim autonomy, but as an outsider. No. Emotional abusers will push you to great length for a reaction, just so they can say that you’re as bad as they are.

I’m sure there’s a lot of unhealthy family dynamics that you will unpack in therapy. Good luck healing and give yourself space and grace.

BrutalBlonde82 −  You lived together for 3 months? And you need to discuss the “shared assets” you acquired in that time frame? OK lol something seems weird. Your sister didn’t change her mind about her ex, you did with your relentless arguments. You started the battle for control by dictating who could live with your sister.

runrvs −  Hmm, just because someone’s family – doesn’t mean they are good for you.

LifeRound2 −  Who TF signs a 3 year lease?

violue −  All that matters is getting out of a bad situation.

schiescr4 −  I regret ever moving in with my sister, our relationship isn’t the same at all. We’re working on it, hopefully yalls relationship gets better

QuantityDisastrous69 −  You need to find a good life. It’s definitely not here

zSlyz −  Of all the messy relationships that exist (almost all of them) I am impressed by your self awareness and compassion. Sure you’re f’d up, you are human. It’s what makes us human. You however appear to acknowledge and accept your shortcomings.

Your sister has a lot to process, miscarriages (although very common) have an indelible impact on us. I definitely think you need alone time and separation. But you also need compassion and empathy. I would reach out to my sister and offer her to come over, without the pressure of doing anything or bringing anything.

Make it about just being together and comfort, give her a hug and tell her you love her. But only if you are comfortable with this, as you don’t want to slip back into the old dynamic and abuse.