My bf [24M] said I’d [24F] be a terrible mother. Should I address this?

A woman (24F) shares her frustration after an argument with her boyfriend (24M) about helping each other with daily tasks. During a heated moment, her boyfriend lashed out and told her that she’d be a “terrible mother” for complaining. She feels deeply hurt by his comment and is unsure whether she was in the wrong. Read the original post below.

‘ My bf [24M] said I’d [24F] be a terrible mother. Should I address this?’

This morning, I was a bit annoyed with my partner. The main thing is he always rushes to get ready in the morning, and asks me to help with small tasks. For example he’ll ask “can you pack my lunch?” “Can you make me a coffee?” While he’s rushing around getting ready for work. I’m fine doing these things occasionally, but I also work full time and need to get ready myself.

This morning, we both needed to shower at the same time. I let him go first. When I needed to brush my teeth, he was in the bathroom. I couldn’t get myself ready, so I decided to go into the kitchen and finish making his breakfast and make him a cup of tea.

When he was done and came to sit next to me to eat his food, he asked me “can you pack my lunch for me?”. At this point I was a little annoyed, and said “why can’t you do it? I still have to go get ready.” To which he got annoyed at and said “just do it, stop complaining I don’t need to hear this right now.”

This is where I got more annoyed, and added “you don’t even do anything for me, I asked you to make a grocery list yesterday and you never did it.” For context I always work 1+ more hours than him everyday, I asked him to help out with that because he finished at 4 and has spare time after work whereas  usually finish around 6.

At this point, he got really mad, and it escalated to him saying I’m ruining his morning on purpose, and making him late to work. He capped it off by saying “I’m going to be a terrible mom” because I’m complaining about stuff like this.

This really hurt my feelings, and I told him this. He repeated that it was true, I’d be a s**t mom, and that I should just s**k it up and do things without complaining, especially in the morning which is ruining his work day.

I really wasn’t trying to ruin his work day. I admit I was being snarky, but I truly didn’t think he would get so mad. I thought it would be ok if I comment my opinion without him being so upset.

Im concerned because I feel like his response was so hurtful, and I can’t get that comment out of my mind. It really hurt my heart to hear my partner of 9 years say something like that, he thinks it’s fine because it was in the heat of the moment.

I don’t really know if it was me in the wrong, because I see his point in ruining the morning. But I am also quick to blame myself, and already feel myself pushing away what he said. But damn it hurt to hear that.

TLDR: my by said I would be a terrible mother over me complaining this morning.

Check out how the community responded:

Mobius_Stripping −  He capped it off by saying “I’m going to be a terrible mom”. translation: you are being a bad mommy to ME RIGHT NOW by not doing evvverything for me!!. red flag, run.. also:. over me complaining this morning.

you’re a frog in boiling water, friend. you were not complaining by observing that he isn’t doing a damn thing to help you while expecting you to caretake him. facts are facts.

wemblewobble −  How is he going to be a good dad or husband if he cannot handle the epic task of packing his own lunch or making coffee? Yes, you are a bad mommy to him.  Because he’s not your child.

zanne54 −  The real question is why does a 24 year old man still need a “mommy” in order to get him to work on time? If you were my daughter, I’d say throw this one back and stop dating children.

cMeeber −  Lol so he admits that he’s just been asking you to be his mom.. Girl, d**p this clown.

kerriboulou −  You’ve been together for 9 years, and you’re both 24. So this behaviour is all you know personally from a partner and could have started happening gradually as you moved out together and became “adults”. So it “makes sense” that maybe you don’t see the blazing red flags.

He’s making you his mommy, and if you did become a mom with him at your side you’d have two kids; him and your baby. Him saying that and doubling down after you said it hurt, is disgusting. He’s only like that because you’re not submitting to his requests. He can pack his own lunch, his own coffee, and you should pack a bag and leave him.

K19081985 −  Actually. You were being an excellent mother by trying to teach him accountability, and instead of losing your temper you calmly told him he’d hurt you with his harsh words. You would be a fantastic mother. He’s a s**tty partner. Please find someone better. I know you’ve been together since you were teens but come on. We grow. Obviously you’ve grown a lot more.

Dont settle and don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. We are meant to date around and have relationships fail at a young age to teach us about mature relationships. Not hitch our wagon to our first boyfriend forever and ever no matter how hurtful and useless he is. Move on. You’re way above this clown.

floridorito −  But damn it hurt to hear that.. Uh, why? Really – give that some thought. He’s just trying to guilt you into doing EVEN MORE than you already do for this seemingly helpless baby. I’d have said, “I have no interest in being anyone’s mother, least of all a grown-ass man.”

WritPositWrit −  You were not wrong.. Do not marry this man. Do not have children with this man.

L-EH77 −  I’d pack him a lunch alright. Salt in his coffee. Detergent sandwich. Banana skin. Chilli sauce in his doughnut. strawberry jam in his rice… Have fun with it then ditch him. What a useless twat he is

misstiff1971 −  He isn’t a partner. HE is a selfish ass.

Have you ever had a hurtful comment from a partner in the heat of the moment? How did you handle it, and what steps did you take to address the issue? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.