I [30F] am a doctor. My boyfriend [29M] of 1.5 yrs is a nurse. My dad’s [50M] wife [48F] of 4 years continuously makes fun of my boyfriend for his profession and I’m tired of it.

A Reddit user, a doctor, is frustrated with her father’s wife, Cindy, who has been making hurtful jokes about her boyfriend’s profession as a nurse. Despite Cindy’s constant belittling remarks, the Redditor’s boyfriend, a large, muscular man, isn’t bothered, but she is deeply offended.

Her father acknowledges the issue but defends Cindy’s intent, leaving the Redditor wondering how to address the situation without creating conflict within the family. Read the original story below.

‘ I [30F] am a doctor. My boyfriend [29M] of 1.5 yrs is a nurse. My dad’s [50M] wife [48F] of 4 years continuously makes fun of my boyfriend for his profession and I’m tired of it.’

My parents had me really young, and my mom split when I was 3, so it’s only been me and my dad. My dad is an only child, and his dad died when he was in school and my grandmother passed when I was 10.

My dad is truly one of the most incredible people ever; he raised me more or less on his own and sacrificed so much for me to be where I am today. I met my boyfriend my last year of residency; he was a nurse (in a different unit) and we met in the cafeteria. One thing led to another, and here we are.

I’m a hospitalist in a different hospital now but he still works at the same place. We moved in together about three months ago and I truly do see myself spending the rest of my life with this man. Anyway–my dad didn’t date at all when I was growing up, really, but when I was in college he met Cindy (a divorcee with no kids) through a friend of his.

They started dating around 10 years ago and got married 4 years ago. I’ve always gotten along with Cindy; I consider her a very close older friend (I was simultaneously maid of honor/best “man” at their wedding) and I think she’s a wonderful partner for my dad.

My dad LOVES my boyfriend, they often hang out without me (which is totally cool) and Cindy did as well, at first at least. For the past six months or so she’s made some really pejorative comments about my boyfriend being a nurse, him being the “woman” in the relationship

(FWIW, my boyfriend is 6’4, muscled, bearded…he’s basically the epitome of masculinity) just because he’s a nurse. My bf laughed off the comments at first, and explained why he went into nursing rather than being a doctor (nurses work more with patients than doctors do, and he’s a very nurturing person by nature), but Cindy has just not let up.

i really don’t think my bf is bothered by this, but I definitely am. I think it’s disrespectful and her archaic views of “men’s/women’s work” are not appreciated. I can tell my dad gets pissed off about it too; once he told Cindy to just shut up (in gentler terms) when she kept “joking” about it.

She always defends herself as “just joking” but like………it’s not f**king funny. I’ve talked to my dad about it and he agrees that it isn’t cool, but he just goes on about how she doesn’t mean any harm or whatever. My boyfriend is adamant that it doesn’t bother him but still.

I just think it’s so disrespectful. How do I talk to Cindy about this in a way so she’ll stop? Because honestly if it continues, I’m going to cut back on spending time/seeing her, even though it’ll definitely hurt my dad (which is something I don’t want to do)

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

[Reddit User] −  I would just call her out every single time. Tell her you find those jokes disrespectful, and they’re not funny. Every. single. time she makes them.

[Reddit User] −  if it continues, I’m going to cut back on spending time/seeing her. Which is exactly what you should say to her. She’s not just insulting your boyfriend and nurses in general (if she were in the hospital and made those comments, she’d probably have a hard time getting anyone competent to take care of her);

she’s insulting you and your choice of partner, and herself as a woman by implying that’s somehow an inferior thing to be in a relationship. No one else is laughing at her “jokes,”

and she’s not the one who gets to determine whether or not they’re hurtful. Until she gets that and backs off, she’d better not be surprised when people want to spend less time with her because of it.

[Reddit User] −  and I truly do see myself spending the rest of my life with this man.. Cindy has just not let up. Because honestly if it continues, I’m going to cut back on spending time/seeing her,

You already have the conversation laid out. “Cindy, I see myself spending my life with this person. And if you can’t stop disrespecting him, then I will stop spending time here.”

[Reddit User] −  FWIW, my boyfriend is 6’4, muscled, bearded…he’s basically the epitome of masculinity. Hey OP, you don’t have to justify your BF’s masculinity. Your dad’s wife is a sexist. Treat her like a sexist bigot.

*”Haha, looks like OP wears the pants in the relationship.”* *”Actually, we both wear scrubs. That’s disgustingly sexist.”*

AF_Bunny −  I’d rather have a nice male nurse I can look at when I’m in the hospital. Mom says I proposed to one when I was 4. He broke my little heart by being married. Tell Cindy to shut it. Nurses, teachers, child care workers, elderly care workers, et al….need more men.

thruaways −  “Hey Cindy, are your terrible, unfunny jokes what ruined your first marriage? What, I’m just joking.”

RazzleThemAll −  In instances like this, I’ve found success in saying to the “joke” teller: “I don’t understand. What’s the joke?” and keep at that (“I still don’t understand, what is the funny part?”

“why is that response funny?” etc) until they drill down that it’s funny to them because they’re sexist. Then, you say something like “I don’t find sexism funny.” This will typically curb it.

BeepBeepRichie1 −  Take her out of the circle of trust

[Reddit User] −  “You’re not funny, you’re rude. And repeating the same thing over and over again is especially not funny. If you don’t stop disrespecting my boyfriend, I’ll cut back on spending time with you.”

spongepantsquarebob −  To those who are saying “OP must be upset because she feels the same way too” must not have ever felt the need to stand up for your significant other. If someone is negative towards my husband, it upsets me as well. It comes with truely loving your SO.

That being said, she knows it bothers you, and doesnt care enough to stop. My MIL likes to make “jokes” against my character sometimes, and I think its because shes bored in life and needs drama to spice things up. My MIL and your stepmom are close in age, so that may be a factor in this.

Next time she mentions him, say “I feel sorry for you, I honestly do. Im sorry that youre so unhappy with your life that you feel the need to insult someone elses life choices in order to feel superior with your own”.

It’s tough when someone close to you makes disrespectful comments, especially when they’re about a partner you care deeply for. How would you address this issue while trying to preserve family harmony? Would you approach it directly with the person involved, or find another way to set boundaries? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/BwMJs