AITA for telling my mom she deserves to be homeless?

A Redditor shares their intense reaction after discovering their mother mismanaged rent money—spending it on cigarettes, takeout, and gambling—leading to a $3,200 arrears notice and potential eviction. Despite covering more than their share of household expenses, the user feels betrayed by their mom’s lack of transparency and poor choices, ultimately telling her she deserves to be homeless. They now wonder if their harsh words were justified. Read the full story below to form your opinion.

‘ AITA for telling my mom she deserves to be homeless?’

This happened literally about an hour ago after I got home from work, so apologies if it is all over the place. I (23f) live with my mom (53f) and my brother (26m) in a subsidized housing townhome. For little context, my brother is unemployed and does not contribute so rent, utilities, groceries are split between my mother and I.

I get home this evening and there’s a letter from our housing group in the mailbox at our door.It’s basically a letter telling us that we’re $3200 behind on rent and could face eviction. I do send my mom $650 at the end of every month as our rent is just $1185 and I cover the majority of the groceries, our internet and cable plus my gas for my car.

I decided to bring it up to her when I get inside because in my head it makes zero sense that we’re behind considering I was sending her money every month to pay my half along with hers and I believed she was paying it.

After me continuously asking how this would be possible she quietly admitted for the past 4 months she was not paying her portion and dipped into mine sometimes because there were other necessities like hydro, electricity, some groceries and transportation (which yes is costly during winter months) but has been still buying cartons of cigarettes weekly, takeout multiple times a week and admitted she gambled quite a bit because she thought she could win extra money and cover the arrears so I would not have known, which clearly didn’t work.

In as few words as possible I told her she’s a selfish mother, my respect for her is gone and if worst comes to worst we do get evicted, she deserves to be homeless. Not only for lying and not telling me what was going on because I could have afforded to pay more of the rent and utilities on my own to lighten any burden if she had just said something earlier.

But to spend yours and your kids rent money on gambling and many of your own wants selfishly instead of keeping a roof over your own head or just asking for help is rock bottom and you more so deserve whatever happens at this point because we now cannot afford to pay it back. I have my boyfriend I can stay with if anything happens, but her and my brother are on their own.

The only reason I feel like I was a little bit of an AH is because I truly know how expensive life is right now and telling my own mother she deserves to be homeless might be inconsiderate in a time where she could really be struggling. But the anger I feel is overtaking any sympathy I have right now and I just want to know if my reaction was just possibly overkill?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

WhereWeretheAdults −  NTA. You are supporting two adults, one a gambler and one an unemployed leech. You are correct in your assessment of the situation. Stop setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. Move out to BF and let them find their own way. They are two adults, they should be able to manage.

Forward-Dingo1431 −  NTA. I’m sorry, but to compare the predicament she has put all of you in with her gambling and selfish spending to people who are legitimately struggling is ludicrous! I know she’s your mom, but there’s no excuse for what she’s done. I’m not saying she deserves to be homeless because no one does, but maybe living somewhere else where she is solely responsible for the expenses and rent might be in order. Why doesn’t your brother work and contribute to the expenses?

unlovelyladybartleby −  NTA. I’d have been harsher. She stole your money and spent it on addictions. Now you’re about to be homeless. Get your own place or, even better, find a roommate who pays rent and will keep you accountable so you don’t allow your mom to crash on your couch because if you fix this, she’ll never learn.

Most_Whole_3421 −  At this point, tough love is appropriate. Also frustration.

Chelular07 −  NTA. She put y’all in this situation and she needs to deal with it. Also why is your adult brother mooching off yall?

SpiritualAd5028 −  NTA. Make arrangements to move in with your boyfriend now before you get locked out of your townhouse. Your mother and brother have made their beds, and now they must lie in them. It’s time to look out for you.

DomesticMongol −  She is gambling, eating take out, smoking…this has nothing to do with cost of life. We do neither of those as a 200+ k household.

Beautiful-Pain6410 −  NTA- do as others say and leave. Also, are you on the lease, any utilities, etc that could leave you in trouble credit-wise? OP I’d also do a credit freeze – sorry to say but I’ve seen a lot of families with a responsible child have their parents take out a line of credit illegally in their name. I’d do a check of all of your finances and make sure she can’t tank your credit. So sorry this is happening to you.

Salty_Bet_2099 −  Thanks everyone for your judgments. There’s a lot more comments than I thought I would even receive, I can’t reply to every one but i’m reading everything. Many of you were totally right in telling me to gtfo before they ruin me financially. I have decided to stay with my boyfriend, currently with him now for the holidays and on Friday we will be moving most of my things to his place.

I will be calling or housing corp first thing Friday morning about getting off the lease. Lastly I have told my mother that I will pay half the arrears at the end of the month and then it will be up to her to figure out the rest and the entirety of the rent starting February since I will not be there. I feel super guilty for basically leaving my family high and dry, but at the end of the day I’m done setting myself on fire to keep them warm. Again, thanks for any judgment that was left and Happy Holidays!

Moomoomoopie −  NTA. While yes you did say something out of anger most likely… I do not think anything you said was wrong at all. You are supporting a smoker/gambler which are two of the most expensive hobbies, and also supporting an unemployed adult who isn’t do anything to help.

I saw in a comment you mentioned you stayed because you felt there wasn’t another adult who could help or would be willing to help your mom. I do think you are correct but it’s time for your mom and brother to learn what not living with a responsible adult is like. It will be hard to see but its time for you to move out and move on from them being your responsibility.