[UPDATE] My (28F) colleague (30F) didn’t invite me to her wedding, and it’s completely unravelled our friendship?

The user (28F) reflects on a situation where a long-time colleague (whom they considered a friend) did not invite them to their wedding. Realizing that the relationship was one-sided, the user has chosen to distance themselves, focusing on healthier friendships.

They have decided to work on becoming more assertive and are considering therapy to improve their communication skills.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/xmARs

‘ [UPDATE] My (28F) colleague (30F) didn’t invite me to her wedding, and it’s completely unravelled our friendship?’

After some reflection, I finally had a conversation with my colleague, whom I’ve known for years. During lunch, I casually asked if she had sent out all her wedding invitations yet, and it was clear right away that she hadn’t invited me.

She went on to show me the venue and wedding details, but never corrected me when I assumed I would be seeing the photos afterward. It became obvious that I wasn’t invited, and though I didn’t ask why, I realized that I had misread our friendship.

Rather than confront her, I decided to keep things professional at work. I’ve made peace with it and have chosen not to make a scene. Reflecting on our relationship, I realized she’s always been self-absorbed and never really reciprocated my support. She’s even had a few office enemies, but I always defended her.

Now, I’m distancing myself from her, which she hasn’t seemed to notice or care about. I’m moving on and focusing on other friendships that are more balanced.

Although it’s sad to lose a friend, I’ve learned an important lesson about recognizing one-sided relationships. I’m also working on becoming more assertive and learning how to handle difficult conversations without letting things build up.

I’ve bought books on assertiveness and am considering therapy to improve my communication skills. This experience has been a wake-up call, and I’m grateful for the support and advice from others. It’s time for me to grow and maintain healthier, more reciprocal relationships.

Check out how the community responded:

Holtder −  3) This is a once in a lifetime experience for her, and I don’t want to be the source of drama that dampens her spirits at all. I’d rather just let her enjoy her wedding, make good memories and not bring her down. Jesus christ kudos for having that kind of outlook on things.

EeveeGreyhame −  It takes a really mature, good person to step away from the hurt you are obviously feeling and just let it be for the sake of someone too selfish to do the same. I hope you find friends that are deserving of you. I’m glad that you are feeling better about the situation and I wish you all the best!

swillis93 −  A really mature response! Well done OP for how you’ve handled all this.

gotcatstyle −  You are really being the bigger person here. It absolutely sucks to realize that someone doesn’t value your friendship as much as you did theirs, but you’re 100% right that it’s a reflection on her, not you. Great job handling this!

solofisherman −  I think you handled this great!! I am similarly conflict avoidant and get very anxious during serious conversations, so I may be biased, but I think that as she’s a work colleague your approach was probably better suited to the situation than a direct confrontation.

That said ugh I’m mad for you! You’re handling the situation great and all in all she’s just not worth it if that’s how she acts, but it’s such a let down when someone you consider a friend turns out to be less than. I hope you develop friendships with your other coworkers (if that’s what you want) and find people more deserving of your time!

aritina −  Giving you a lot of props for handling it so maturely, and despite being hurt – being respectful of her decision. It sounds like you learned a lot and that will be really valuable in building relationships going forward.

DrKrash38 −  Incredible update. One caution though. I am not sure it would be a good idea to revisit the issue if she brings it up. Short of a full on apology beforehand, i am not sure sharing your feelings with her will be beneficial. Goos luck on your journey to be more of whatever you want to be.

[Reddit User] −  On the whole, I think this update is very good. Lot’s of self reflection and realization. At the same time, I’m going to put it straight to you: You are overthinking this way too much, and attributing too much value to a simple question.

If you’re so gung ho on assertiveness, realize right now that it is absolutely okay to ask a friend, even a work friend, “How come I’m not invited to the wedding?” That question *does not* have to be a source of drama.

I honestly feel like you’re dancing around getting a true answer and wrapping up an explanation in a neat little bow to try to move past the situation. I guess the simplest comparison I have is it sounds a lot like someone that wants to make any change in life. “I’m going to start my diet *tomorrow*!” “I’m going to start being assertive *tomorrow*!”. Do it *today*.

Palindromer101 −  I think this is nice and all, but you still have a TON of work to do on your passiveness. You’re a doormat. You need to grow a spine and not panic at the idea of asking someone a simple question. “Am I invited to your wedding?” “No.” “Okay, I was just curious.” It’s not easy, but it’s doable.

You should talk to a therapist about good methods of standing up for yourself. It’s not easy during confrontation, but I’m extremely worried at how passive and enabling you are. It’s not healthy, and you still need to make that change.

You’re only losing your friend because you don’t have enough confidence in yourself to point out the fact that what she did was rude. Even if you’re okay with not having an invitation to the wedding, you should point out how inappropriate it was of her to constantly include you in her planning discussions,

and how you felt left out because other people at work got invitations and you didn’t even get an explanation. I admire your attitude of “it is what it is,” but please work on your self confidence issues. You will run into more situations like this down the line, and sometimes you will have to confront someone about their behavior.

spookyxskepticism −  I’m also going to move forward having learned a good lesson about friendships being two-way.. ​. This. I read in your last post you ended friendships because the other person hurt you and you were too non-confrontational to address it.

I think it’s fantastic you’re realizing you need to be an active agent of change for yourself in order to improve your friendships. It shows a lot of personal growth to see that you deserve a “two-way” friendship, and that in order to achieve that you need to express your needs.

It sucks that your now ex-friend is so obviously self-absorbed, and tbh I think any normal person in your situation would have rightly expected a wedding invitation. Best of luck in moving past this and developing real relationships with people who care about you and who are willing to listen to your needs.