AITA for telling my wife we need a calendar?

A Redditor shares a disagreement with their wife over introducing a family calendar to better manage their busy schedules. While the suggestion comes from a place of wanting to stay organized, the wife feels it implies a lack of care for the plans she verbally communicates. The user questions whether they’re wrong for proposing a system to keep everyone on track. Read the full story below and decide for yourself.

‘ AITA for telling my wife we need a calendar?’

My wife and I have been juggling a lot of commitments lately. She does an amazing job scheduling things for our family, but she usually just tells me verbally what’s planned. While I appreciate her organization, I struggle to keep everything straight unless it’s written down somewhere.

I suggested we start using a family calendar—either a physical one or making sure to update the shared Google calendar we already have (which rarely gets updated unless I do it). I thought this would help both of us stay on the same page, especially as our daughter gets older and we have more to coordinate.

However, my wife thinks the idea is unnecessary and feels like it implies I don’t care enough to remember the plans she tells me about. That’s not my intention at all—I just know I do better when things are written down. AITA for suggesting this?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

SeaAd16910 −  Info: Are you saying you will set up the family calendar and put things into it as your wife tells you, or are you expecting her to schedule it? Because if you’re offering to do it, then N T A. If you’re expecting her to do it – it sounds like she’s done all the work to organise the activities already if she is telling you about it, and on top of that you’re asking her to schedule you in for it? Then Y T A. Either way, there’s absolutely nothing stopping you from putting activities in your calendar.

IndigoBlueBird −  INFO: is there a reason you can’t just grab your phone and say “hey siri, schedule this appointment for Monday at noon” whenever she tells you something?

AryaStark1313 −  Sounds to me as if you think your wife should be the one in charge if the calendar. If your memory loss is the problem, why don’t YOU make the calendar for yourself? There are even apps for that.. YTA.

picardmaneuvre −  NTA. Whether you show up for things like doctor appts or kids recitals should not depend on a memory test! Memory isn’t perfect! Every single household I know has a shared calendar. Technology is glorious.
I don’t have kids but even just with myself and spouse, we keep a calendar because it makes life so much easier. It feels like there might be something else going on here? She’s reacting fairly defensively and I just have to wonder why.

Traditional-Load8228 −  OMG this is stupid. Of course you need a calendar. Everyone does. It’s built in on your phone for a reason.

jinxxedbyu2 −  YTA. Nothing is stopping you from downloading a scheduler app and adding the appointments or info as your wife gives it to you. Or, using the calendar app on your smartphone.

Tee_kD −  If she’s telling you about them – how about YOU write them down? Sounds like you’re making this suggestion so that she will go buy a calendar and write it all in there, therefore adding to her load when she’s able to remember it all herself. If you want something done, go do it. No one is stopping you.

LemonthymeTime −  Depends on the ask. We have a fridge calendar I keep notes on so we have an eye of what is going on in the month. Then I have a shared icalendar where we have things entered as well (which I maintain) so I always have it on the go. If I do not write it down it will no longer exist so it is a tool I do for myself and it helps us both out. The fact that I want to use and create a tool like htis so we are organized and respectful of commitments is demonstrating that I do care.

Melodic_Salamander55 −  Keep a personal planner/calendar and write it down when she tells you… if she doesn’t want to deal with up-keeping a physical calendar on top of her mental one (which I do think is fair), this seems like a pretty simple solution to me.

slayerchick −  Do you not have a phone with a calendar that you can write plans in and even get reminders for? If your wife tells you something is happening on x day, you write it down if you are the one having trouble remembering.