[Updates 1] Me [24 M] with my gf [23 F] Girlfriend has princess syndrome
A Reddit user shared updates about his relationship with his girlfriend, who had a passion for dressing like a fairytale princess. After realizing he needed to be more supportive, he planned to address his concerns. However, before he could, she ended the relationship, citing different life goals. Read the update below.
For those who want to read the previous part: Part 1 https://aita.pics/LjtLfÂ
‘ [Updates 1] Me [24 M] with my gf [23 F] Girlfriend has princess syndrome’
I didn’t plan on updating, but things changed. I realized from my last post that I needed to be more supportive, but also communicate on how she could dress down on certain occasions so we could both be comfortable. Well, I never got a chance to talk to her about it.
Last week she called and wanted to stop by my apartment after work. When she got there I offered to make dinner, but she said she couldn’t stay and we had to talk. I jokingly asked if she was breaking up with me, and she looked really guilty. You can see where this is going.
We talked about how we were in different places in life and had different goals for the future. Well, she talked, but I agreed. It was a pretty amicable break up, even though I felt blindsided. We agreed to stay friends. I’ve never been dumped before, and it’s f**king awful.
I’m having trouble with the whole social media thing post break up. I want a way to keep in touch with her, but as soon as her relationship status changed all these “alternative” looking guys have been liking her posts and commenting on her pictures.
I don’t think she’s seeing these guys, but it still hurts. My friend wants to set me up on a date, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea.
Check out how the community responded:
sabrine_ − Good for her, you deserved it. Hopefully you’ll learn to accept people as they are in the future. No one has to change to make you “more comfortable”.
LilkaLyubov − Might want to work on yourself before you date if you think it’s okay to try to dictate what she can wear.
[Reddit User] − Damn, it always hurts, even when things aren’t going well. I would avoid social media, or block her posts at least for a while. That’s the only thing that ever worked for me.
hansSA − Fickle is the head that wears the flowered lace crown. It was never going to work out, anyway. You had some laughs and some good times, enjoy that and move on.
[Reddit User] − Keep yourself busy. Try new things. Go kayaking or bicycling tomorrow. Be active.
sassypants55 − You can alter what posts show up on your main Facebook feed. I would disable posts from her for awhile.
KendraSays − You should definitely do active stuff and increase your social interaction, but I’d pause on the dating for a bit. Even though the split was amicable, it’s no good forcing yourself to date so soon after. Similarly, you don’t want to lead a new girl on if you’re still hung up on this relationship and/or thinking about the ex.
[Reddit User] − “Alternative” looking guys? You mean guys who seemingly look open-minded and non-judgmental? Well, not everyone puts out what he/she is inside… you’re going to have to work on both.
boner_fide − You need to go no contact for a month or two minimum. These jealous feelings won’t go away, and it’ll do nothing but hold you back.
throwawaynewday − OP, I think you’re getting a lot of criticism, borderline vitriol, primarily from a communication issue. Since that’s what you were originally posting about, let me help you.. Regarding the subreddit:
1. You label the issue “princess syndrome”. Syndrome is a traditionally medical/psychiatric term. Putting a label on a hobby, especially a label like that, seems a pretty easy way to show you feel the hobby is “irrational”, etc. Indeed you mention that you have a hard time seeing it as a hobby.
2. Communication is generally more effective if you stick to your feelings and how you felt about the issue, both in communicating to her and on the subreddit. Regarding point 2, most people are naturally defensive when others try to criticize them, even if the criticism is true.
Stating how you feel gives them the opportunity to see it from your viewpoint. On this subreddit, there are bound to be individuals who also enjoy fashion. In addition, I expect culture often critiques fashion as a hobby — at least I hear “jokes” about expensive purses, wasting money, etc.
So if you were addressing something like “my girlfriend stinks, how do I communicate this?” you would get a slightly more positive reaction because most readers would not feel attacked. But the best way to address it would still be “I feel nauseous when my girlfriend is nearby, due to her not showering. How can I communicate this?”
Here’s an alternative version of your original post that you would have gotten more traction with, both here and with communicating with your ex. “My gf is great and we have a lot of fun together, but an unexpected issue has arisen. She has a blog about fashion and a lot of followers, which is great.
Her speciality is frilly dresses and lace, I’m not sure what the style is called but it’s very distinct. As a result, when we go out together, we draw a lot of attention. I know this isn’t her fault, but I feel uncomfortable with the attention. For instance, we even have strangers taking photos of us without our permission. A lot of turned heads and whispering.
In addition, I didn’t realize how much time her hobby takes. I feel neglected when she spends hours blogging and sewing. This is in addition to her working, so we don’t get as much quality time together as I would like.
I asked her if she could change her style, but I don’t think she understood what I meant or why. How can I communicate my feelings about how her fashion impacts me?”
How do you navigate the aftermath of a breakup, especially when social media keeps you tethered to your ex’s life? Should he stay connected, or is it healthier to create some distance? Share your advice below!
For those who want to read the sequel: Part 3 https://aita.pics/dFhzQ