AITA: My relative took some toys for her grandkids without asking me?

A Redditor shares a family conflict after their relative, “Heather,” took toys meant for charity without permission. Despite attempts to forgive and move on, the Redditor struggles with lingering resentment and mistrust.

‘ AITA: My relative took some toys for her grandkids without asking me?’

I have various family members visiting with their kids around the year. They bring their kids and as the “fun uncle” I take them around town and see the sites and parks. This time I had a pile of new toys that I had been saving to give to a charity and this relative “Heather” asked me why I had so many. I explained the situation and that I was giving them in remembrance of my mum, since she loved kids.

Heather then mentioned that her very young granddaughters might appreciate a couple of the toys too. I just looked at her and said no. It’s not that I don’t give the kids in the family presents, but these were not for them. We didn’t discuss it again. The following day Heather left to go back home whilst I was at work. When I returned, I was told by family that she had asked them if she could take a couple of the toys.

Now Heather is quite forceful and the other family member was a bit cowed, and kind of just mentioned maybe she should wait for me to get home. Heather overrode their objections and took the toys and left. I was obviously pissed when I got home to that news and rang her straightaway. She claimed that the charity (it’s a children’s hospice) wouldn’t miss a couple of toys and it was too late now as her granddaughters had already opened them and loved them.

Heather said it sounded like I was calling her a t**ef, and she didn’t appreciate that and now I had spoilt the joy she would have at seeing the little ones playing with them because of my implication that she had stolen them. I was so furious that I slammed the phone down and didn’t speak to her again for around 4 months. Now during that time she would ring and my other relatives would answer the call and chide me for not forgiving Heather.

When I finally did talk to her she said she would no longer allow herself to feel guilty for what she had done and I could not sit in judgment over her and make her feel bad. Now I know she’s a complete and utter AH for what she did, but my family are telling me to drop it as it’s been months and I’m causing an unnecessary fuss.

I have decided to be civil since she’s ill but I really can’t forgive her for not only taking those toys but also not being able to feel like I can trust her my home if she ever visits again. So am I the AH for still being a judgemental b*stard and not truly forgiving her?

Edit: didn’t realise this would get this many responses (if only my HomeKit query did!). Just to clarify Heather’s reasoning for not being a t**ef is that she informed my wimpy relative that she was taking the toys. So it can’t be stealing if she told one of the family she was taking them.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

embopbopbopdoowop −  “Heather said it sounded like I was calling her a t**ef.” She IS a t**ef. She asked you. You said no. She took them anyway. And remind them she stole from the charity. Tell the family members still giving you grief that you’ll forgive her when she pays for what she stole or buys and donates gifts of the same value to the charity she stole from.. NTA.

CatnipHigh766 −  NTA ! 1) She asked – you said ‘no’ as the toys were for charity. 2) She took them when you were not home so you would not know she was stealing them. 3) So what if the next time she ‘visits’ she sees shoes that you bought for yourself or another family member and decides those new shoes would be perfect for her husband/cousin/oldest grandchild so takes the shoes without asking.

Ask your relatives that say you should drop it if they will be allowing her to visit their home and take whatever items she ‘can’t do without’ or ‘my daughter can use this much more’ than the owner-relative so she just takes their item(s).. Terrible relative.

LowBalance4404 −  NTA. If she is stealing from sick kids, she will totally steal something else from you.

OhmsWay-71 −  NTA. Never forgive that. She did steal. Forgiveness comes when the other person recognizes what they did and feels bad. She thinks she’s justified in stealing from you. Yes, be civil in front of everyone else. But me, when I leaned in for a hug, I’d whisper in her ear, ‘we both know you are a theif” back up and smile and loudly say how nice it is to see her. If she tried to say I said anything, I would deny it to my dying breath. Most likely she would be too stunned to say a word, but either way…it works to squash a b**ly.

alematt −  NTA in the slightest. She couldn’t even respect your decision when you said no. That is disrespect to you and what you got those toys for. She’s a t**ef and nothing she says can excuse that she chose to disrespect you by stealing.

aricyl −  NTA. She stole the toys – she IS a t**ef. In all honesty it says volumes about her and those that are defending her. They don’t respect you or your property.

101037633 −  Next time you visit her, take a few of her things. (With the intention of giving them back), and say I always wanted this. Thanks, I appreciate it. And when she asks for them back, tell her you purged the guilt you had already. Or, just steal her TV remote for a few days.. I’m petty AF.. NTA.

Paevatar −  NTA. She is a t**ef with the conscience of a shark. If family members want you to forgive her, tell them to give you money to replace those toys for the charity. Or tell them to ask her for the money.

Corpsefeet −  Family email:. Dear all,
I am writing to ask you to pray for Aunt Heather. Recently, she came to a point in her life where she knowingly STOLE TOYS FROM DYING CHILDREN. I’m not sure what circumstances led her to the place where she saw toys being donated to a children’s hospital, and felt her need of those toys was greater than toddlers dying from cancer, but CLEARLY something devastating is going on beyond the scenes there.

So I ask you to keep her in your prayers. Also, if anyone want to join me in trying to repurchase the stolen toys so the children don’t lose out, just let me know. I’m sure Heather would be grateful to anyone who can help me lessen the impact of her actions.. With love,. OP.

FamousSimple1926 −  NTA at all, she completely just stole the toys from your home. I say forgive her just for your sanity, but you dont have to forget and make changes so that she doesn’t walk over you again.