My (25F) best friend (24M) proposed to me. I’m confused and mortified. Where can we go from here?

A Reddit user shared the shocking story of how her best friend of two years publicly proposed to her, only for her to realize he thought they were in a relationship all along. Now, confused and mortified, she’s grappling with his misinterpretation of their friendship and trying to figure out how to move forward. Read the full story below.

‘ My (25F) best friend (24M) proposed to me. I’m confused and mortified. Where can we go from here?’

Jordan and I met in University two years ago. We both started at the same time and because of our ages we were both considered ‘mature’ students. So we quickly became firm friends as we shared a dorm and we’d joke around together about us being old enough to be considered ‘mature’ in our early 20’s.

We weren’t on the same course, but given we lived together, we would hang out pretty much all the time whenever we didn’t have a lecture. We joined a bunch of societies together, went drinking every weekend together, etc etc. It was a pretty sweet gig because it meant we were at least never alone.

Obviously we made other friends, both alone and together, but we were always each other’s #1 at the end of the day. At the moment we’re on spring holidays for Easter. And while we haven’t hung out constantly, we decided to make plans to visit each other’s hometowns, because we’re from very starkly different places.

Today, we went to mine. Mine is a big city central. This morning we went there and were wandering down the streets, doing some sightseeing, because he’s never been. There’s typically a lot of street sellers here, trying to sell you everything from hotdogs to fluffy pokemon hats.

I decided I wanted to get a caricature done. I’ve never had one and I thought it would be funny to get and hang over my bed when we got back for term. I asked Jordan if he wanted to get in and he refused. No worries, so I sat down to get it done.

They don’t take very long, 5/10 ish minutes, so I stayed looked straight forward at the artist the entire time. He finished the caricature, I loved it. So obviously I turn to show it properly to Jordan. When I turn though I literally don’t even know what to say. He’s down on one knee holding up a ring box

I don’t even really know what he said, if he did the whole like proposal speech thing because I was so confused, I was barely paying attention. Remember again, this is a super busy tourist city, so this has drawn a mini crowd now, coming over to cheer us on.

I couldn’t help but burst into laughter. To be honest, I thought this was some kind of odd prank type thing. We never HAVE been ‘prankster’ types or whatever but I couldn’t come up with a reasonable explanation. So I just laughed and laughed and laughed. Until I looked at Jordan and he looked genuinely heartbroken.

So obviously I asked him something along the lines of ‘You’re not being serious?’. This is the only thing I remember him saying. He shut the box, stood up, shrugged and said ‘I guess not anymore’. And walked off.

This left me standing pretty awkwardly in this gathered crowd of people, a lot of who were giving me dirty looks, which made me incredibly uncomfortable. The plan was to meet back up a hotel that we had booked rooms next door to one another.

So I figure that’s where he’s going and head back that way. But he’s not there. So I wait and I wait, and he still doesn’t return. I text him out of concern, this was at 1:15pm (it’s currently 6:20pm as I’m writing this) just asking if he’s okay.

He responds with a LONG message back (which I would post, because it’s an odd read, but I won’t out of respect for his privacy), in which he basically accuses me of leading him on, asking why I didn’t ’break up with him sooner’,

saying I had ‘publicly humiliated’ him and that he ‘thought I loved him the same way’ and that he felt our ‘relationship was strong enough to consider taking the next step’. Now this is completely out of left field. I literally have got no idea where in the world he’s got this idea from.

The closest we’ve ever physically been is a hug hello and goodbye. I’ve never even jokingly flirted with him (for exactly this reason, I’ve had too many friendships collapse because they can’t tell the difference between serious interesting and joking banter in friendships, so I’ve been extra careful to not).

We’ve never kissed, never been on a date. I do not find him physically attractive and I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with him. I don’t understand where on Earth he’s got this idea that we are. This isn’t something he’s ever bought up before this and I’m genuinely bewildered.

He hasn’t returned to the hotel yet, I periodically knock to check, and I’ve been listening out for him walking up the hallway or anything. Nothing. I haven’t responded to his long paragraph because honestly? I don’t know how to.

I’m just so stunned and taken aback that I genuinely have no idea where to go from here or what to do. I haven’t told anyone I know in person yet, mostly because I don’t want to bring this up to people who know Jordan. So here I am turning to strangers on reddit instead.. What in the world do I do 😭

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Sumnersetting −  Has he ever been in a relationship before, like actually had a girlfriend? …Is he like the type of fundamentalist Christian who believes in no kissing before marriage or something?

I don’t know, my instinct would be to ask him to talk with you, and have it out pointing out all the ways in which you’re not actually dating (never asked each other out on a date specifically, no physical intimacy). Like, when does he remember this “relationship” being official?

But then again, he’s possibly off his rocker a bit if he’s created this delusion in his head. I think you’re going to have to walk away from this friendship. Can you reach out to any mutual friends and ask them their take on this? (If you trust them not to gossip.)

iNeedScissorsSixty7 −  That is just straight up delusional behavior. He built up an entire relationship with you in his head and decided it warranted *proposing to you in public.* Nevermind the fact that even for devoted couples, marriage should be discussed and agreed upon before anyone proposes to anyone.

You need to tell him you’re just friends, you’ve always been just friends and you can’t and don’t see your relationship any other way. Frankly, I’d do it in a text just in case he handles it poorly and decides to do something unpredictable from having his grandiose delusions shattered all at once.

danarexasaurus −  I want to reiterate not to discuss this with him in a private place like your hotel room. Go somewhere public. He’s delusional. That can be unsafe for you. You never saw this coming and I would hate for anything else to happen that you didn’t see coming.

Please keep yourself safe until you figure out wtf is going through his head. This is really wild and I hope you give us an update when you figure it out!

soonerfreak −  You gotta walk away this is nuts. I wouldn’t even give him a chance to stay a friend.

Icy-Perception-8108 −  Could it be he’s going through a manic or delusional episode? That could explain it. In that case he needs help asap. Do you know his parents?

cornflakegirl658 −  So You’ve never kissed or had anything more intimate than a kiss and he thinks you’re in a relationship? Honestly that’s concerning and it’s not your fault for not being a mind reader

ashkars −  OP this is so left field, respectfully, surely it’s some type of mental breakdown?

man_teats −  The guy is clearly delulu. Sorry, the friendship is over. From here, he’s going to either completely disappear from your life, or he’s going to make up lies about everything to save face. I hope for your sake it’s the former

Inevitable-Tourist18 −  Well the only possible answer now is to get married.

WielderOfAphorisms −  Ummm. You are roommates. It’s news to you that he even had romantic feelings for you, let alone thinks you’re in a relationship. Honestly, what he did was super s**tty. This is a him problem. I’d leave him be and wait for him to contact you…if you even want that. Just know this friendship is over.

How would you handle a situation where a close friend misinterpreted your bond so drastically? Should she try to salvage the friendship, or is it time to set firm boundaries and move on? Share your thoughts below!