Final Update : aita for telling my mom that her husband is no longer invited in my house?

After reading comments that I need to sort things out with my mom otherwise my relationship with her will deteriorate so I decided to talk to her asap when my sister wasn’t around. First, please read my original post: https://aita.pics/COUQB

‘ Final Update : aita for telling my mom that her husband is no longer invited in my house?’

 First of to all the angry kids who are insulting my dead father, y’all insulting the dead just makes you look pathetic, and my father nor I am misogynist, also I am not from us. We leave our properties to our children to make sure it stays in family and doesn’t go to step family members and I will also leave my assets to my eldest child, also after my father left, my mom is my responsibility until she dies but I also get the point that my mom might think that I am restricting her so I also cleared that up with her.

So today I went to my mom to talk, I asked her why is she so angry at me, it never was a problem who owned the house until now so why all of a sudden she’s so angry, it’s her house as well and she has every right to it.

My mom said she’s lonely and depressed and she finds comfort in her boyfriend, I said she has no reason to feel lonely cause we are there for her but I also understand that she might want a partner beyond her children
i said she can move on with a new partner if she wants and we will be civil with her partner or partners but he is not allowed to live in our house cause as the eldest son it’s my job to take care of the family and especially my younger sister.

She asked me why he can’t move in with us, I calmly explained to her that it doesn’t sound good that a stranger in his 50s moving in a widow’s house when her child just turned 18 and we have only known him for 8 months, staying as a guest is okay but moving in permanently so soon?

I asked her why can’t she move in with him, I am old enough to take care of my sister also at his age he should be able to take care of himself and buy his own place, it really sounds absurd to me that he wants to move into a widow’s house when her children are in denial.

My mom said it’s so that we all can get along and get closer, I said we can get closer without living with each other permanently and the way he is behaving is kinda pathetic, if I marry a woman I will bring her to my home, not live with her parents or her childrens, what kinda man he is?

My mom started crying, I hugged her and consoled her and told her that it’s too soon to move him in our house it’s only been 8 months maybe in future we both will be okay with it let’s take things slow and think clearly and you both aren’t even married yet y’all are just thinking about it.

She finally understood my concern (thank God), she agreed and said let’s discuss about it in future and lets not ruin our small family of 3 and forget about this discussion for now. My mom and I am at peace, she cooked us our favourite meal for dinner and everything is okay between us but I think 8 months is too soon to move a man in maybe in future after a year or two or after they get married I’ll allow him to move in with us.

See what others had to share with OP:

Individual_Cloud7656 −  Him wanting to move in after 8 months sounds like a housing issue not genuine love. NTA.

9smalltowngirl −  Good on you for talking it out. I do wonder if this was her idea and he knows nothing about it. I’d think he’s living somewhere now. That is a later discussion with her. It’s not technically her house and when you marry that would cause problems.

Peggy-Wanker −  Have you talked to her boyfriend? I’m curious so to why he would even want to move into your home.

randomusername8821 −  Good development. The boyfriend is not a man if he can’t accept this.

LadyPit48 −  So glad you stood your ground. Widows can be targets and the fact that it was so important for him to move in so soon is definitely a red flag. Although older people don’t like to waste time, it would seem that at his age, should’ve have been able to provide a home for them. I wonder if he thought it was her house.

TrifleMeNot −  Infantilizing his Mom because Daddy gave him everything. Pathetic OP.

Inner_Tumbleweed_942 −  This is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever read. “Why are you lonely when you have us?” F**k off OP.

Cool-Lifeguard5688 −  I just think it’s really strange and misogynistic on behalf of your father to not inherit 50% of the house to your sister. If you’re a real man you’d give your sister half of the house.

TwoBionicknees −  This is so f**king weird. What kind of man moves in with a woman? A woman who has kids, every kind of man. What you’re suggesting is that your mother move out so she can be with a partner and live her children at all, let alone live her child who is under 18 to live with you just because you’re an adult (by age, not mentality or maturity).

It’s actually f**king insane to suggest she moves out to be with someone and not be alone and she just leaves one of her children to raise the other one. It’s fairly normal to find someone new after your spouse dies and it’s normal that as a relationship progresses, they move in together. It’s absolutely abnormal/insane for a parent to just go well I found a guy, bye, you’re on your own now.

Ok_Boysenberry6873 −  Ok I can understand some of the concerns but men, not understanding why they want him to move in ? Maybe is trash and taking advantage of your mom but maybe also your mom don’t want to leave behind her 18 yo kid ?? Maybe she’s trying ton keep everything together.

Ok you inherit the house but she builds this home during (maybe) decades. It’s not suddenly exclusively your house and just the place you let her live. It HER HOME for maybe longer than it been yours, at least in a very different way. And the question why is she lonely when she has her kids ? Really?

You don’t take care of your mom. You infantalize her, you dismiss her feeling. You’re treating her like a dog you have to manage. You need therapy to deal with that. Again I can understand the need to be cautious in this situation but the way you express it seem unhealthy and weird.