My (40M) ex wife (40F) wants me to be with her in her last days

A Redditor shared a heartfelt dilemma about his ex-wife, who has less than six months to live. Despite their painful past involving infidelity and divorce, she expressed a final wish: to spend her last days feeling like his wife again, even in a platonic way.

Now happily married with children, he’s torn between honoring her request and preserving his current relationship. Read the original story below to explore his emotional conflict.

‘ My (40M) ex wife (40F) wants me to be with her in her last days’

I met my ex when we were both 10. She was (is) my twin sister’s best friend so we’ve always been kind of a trio growing up. We started dating at 14 and got married at 23. Thing got u**y though cause 5 years after getting married, she told me she had a month long affair with her coworker.

Apparently the guilt was too much for her so she confessed. We tried to work through it but after a few months of trying, I knew that despite the fact that I loved her I couldn’t trust her anymore. She told me she still loved me and that she’d wait for me and prove that I was the only one.

I wanted to believe her but you know… Something’s just can’t be fixed. We never had kids. 3 years after the divorce I met my now wife (38F) and we got married 2 years after dating. She’s everything I could ever dream of in a wife and more. My ex, as my sister told me (they’re still besties), never really recovered.

She quit her job and is now working in a church. Throughout my relationship with my wife, she kept trying to get back together and, on the day of my wedding, she told me she still loved me and would love no one else. She said this was the last time she would bother me but that she’ll wait for however long it took.

Apparently she’s honest in that regard at least cause my sister says she’s never been with anyone since. So here’s what happened recently… My wife and I, married for 7 years now, have two kids (7F) and (3M). My sister came over with her own kids so the cousins could play.

While my wife was out to pick up lunch, my sister sat me down and told me the situation about my ex. Apparently, she only has less than 6 months to live. She refused treatment and wants to live the last few months to the fullest. I guess that’s why her and my sister really went out of their way to travel despite the pandemic.

One thing on her bucket list though was that she wanted to feel like my wife again. No s**, no kissing, she just wanted me to be around the house (she still lives in the house we lived in) again and maybe hold her from time to time. I told her I wouldn’t do that, cause that was pretty much emotionally cheating.

My sister kept arguing and begging me to at least see her and hear her out. We kept arguing (no screaming, the kids were in the next room with her older daughter) til my wife came back. My sister told her the whole story and while she looked upset, she said she understood where my ex was coming from.

When my sister left, my wife and I talked about it. My wife knows everything that happened in the past with my ex. She says while she isn’t thrilled about the idea, she won’t get upset if I decided to see her on a regular basis.

My wife is literally the best thing that ever happened to me and I love her more than anyone. She makes me happier than I’ve ever been in my life, even in the good times with my ex. She knows I won’t cheat. I also have 0 romantic feelings for my ex so there’s nothing lingering there.

I don’t hate her or anything, it’s just that the love I had for her has long since died. After thinking about it for a while, Im honestly 50/50 about it. I know I don’t owe her anything but I feel like I might regret not seeing her at least one more time,

since the last time I saw her was on my wedding day and that wasn’t a good encounter for either of us (unless you count the times I occasionally see her in the store or something). I honestly feel like, despite what she did, she still deserves to go with some peace. On the other hand, I’m not entirely sure if this might potentially affect our marriage.

My wife says she’s ok with it, and I believe her but I just can’t be sure that she’ll feel the same way after it happens. I don’t want anything to jeopardize what I have right now, no matter what. I’m not to thrilled about going myself to be honest.. Any advice? What should I do?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Kthaeh −  Just my opinion, but I wouldn’t do it. There’s plenty of risk and little possible reward. If you want to show goodwill towards your ex, run errands for her, or show support in some other way. Have a meal sometime with her, with your wife present.

You don’t owe anything to your ex, so these gestures are more than you are obliged to do. IMO this scheme would be playing with fire with regards to your current marriage.

Black2108 −  DO NOT DO THIS. This has the potential to backfire and ruin your marriage (at the bare minimum put unneeded strain on it). I know your wife said that she will back whatever decision you choose but trust me this will affect her negatively.

Your ex-wife will be gone and you’ll be left with this weird tension inside your marriage. Also, you have kids – how are you going to explain your absence to them? I would agree to meet up for coffee and have her get some closure about everything.

Afterward discuss with your wife if continuing to get coffee and talking with her (AS A FRIEND) is a comfortable boundary for you both. You can be there for your ex-wife and keep your current wife your number one priority. This is a sad situation and I feel sorry for your ex-wife but don’t be willing to throw a wrench into your own happiness.

Loljackieee −  Your wife sounds like an angel. Please, please, please do not do this. The ex wants to play house with you. She made her choices. She didn’t just cheat, she has a relationship with another person. Dying is a mother fucker, I have watched a few family members go through some painfully slow deaths.

However, it didnt mean all of them were good people. You are not responsibe for this woman’s happiness. She should have moved on. Please, please, PLEASE do not play house with this women. Your wife has made the choice to.

She chose to be good to you and stand by your side. Maybe this doesn’t affect her now, but it might later. Don’t do this for the pain you might possibly cause your current wife. I am begging you.

DSaive −  No. No. No. Frankly, this ex who cheated on you and then pinned for over a decade for you is way way bizarre. K**zy with a K. Her situation is her own creation. Do Not Allow Anyone To Guilt You. And I’m skeptical of this dying illness story. I’d check the stove for boiling rabbits.. Your sister is really out of line.

thelamestbarista −  I would honestly not do this, and I would not spend any time with your ex wife beyond maybe a lunch or something, with your sister present. At most. I personally would not even do that. I understand you don’t want to upset a dying person, but it’s NOT worth risking your current marriage.

I would not want my husband to be visiting an ex, and most certainly not in the context she’s asking. And I don’t think my husband would be thrilled, either, if my ex asked me to do this. The unfortunate thing for your ex wife is that she made this bed for herself, and now she’s gotta sleep in it. It’s also a bit weird that she pined after you for a decade…

[Reddit User] −  No. Sorry but there is nothing to be gained from this and lots to lose. Your ex could of done anything with her life but instead she has thrown this lifelong pity party. That is just insane and now she is reaping the crap seeds she showed when she cheated on you.

It is what it is but she threw away what she had with you and that’s the end of the matter. Just ell her no, you are sorry that she is going through this but she made her bed.

Edit: just a now to say that going to see his ex was probably for the better. He knows now that she never got over her infidelity and losing op on her life. But OP had moved on and has a great life now.

CosmicOmen −  I kind of think this is really bizarre. I’m also not sure why you would put your wife in this situation. This lady is an ex for a reason. Sure it is really sad that she is unhealthy but what if it isn’t the truth? What if it is an attempt to get you back?

If it is real, I would absolutely not play into the husband fantasy. Make a phone call and talk with her and leave it at that. I think you are really considering the feelings of the wrong woman here. Sorry if this is a little…forward but there shouldn’t even be a decision…

LastSeong −  if you’re 50/50 about it and worried that it might effect your marriage i think that the choice is pretty obvious right there. put your marriage and your future first

MDM98 −  She says while she isn’t thrilled about the idea, she won’t get upset if I decided to see her on a regular basis. That means she doesn’t want you to do it, but she doesn’t want to be the one to tell you no.

So if you don’t care about your wife and children then by all means go play “husband” with your cheating ex. But don’t be surprised if you end up divorced later on and only see your children 50% of the time.

[Reddit User] −  I think you should go but only once and as a friend, not as a husband. Having to play that role will be awkward and it is frankly a weirs request. I think that part is what gives you pause.

Be upfront that you are fine talking about the past and reliving old memories, but that you’re not going to take on the role you had in the past. I think your sister should be there too. I don’t see how you would not visit a person you grew up with and that has always been in your life, just because she cheated.

Should the Redditor grant his ex-wife’s final wish, risking potential strain on his marriage, or prioritize the peace of his current family life? How would you navigate such a sensitive situation? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/eFuBz