AITA for passing on a naming tradition from my stepmom’s family?

A Reddit user is facing family pressure as his wife and he are expecting a baby girl, and the topic of a family naming tradition comes up. The tradition involves passing down the name “Ruth” to the first granddaughter in each generation, which has been used for seven generations in his stepmom’s family. However, the user doesn’t feel a connection to his stepmom’s family and doesn’t want to honor that tradition. Read more about his dilemma and how it’s affecting his relationships with his family.

‘ AITA for passing on a naming tradition from my stepmom’s family?’

My wife (27f) and I (29m) are expecting our first child together, a girl. My wife likes the idea of family names and had mentioned to me that my dad and stepmom and some of my half siblings brought up the family tradition on her side around the name Ruth.

The name is normally used for the first granddaughter each generation as either a first or middle name. It’s my stepmom’s first name and it was her mom’s first name and her grandma’s middle name, some of her grandma’s siblings have Ruth’s in their families as well. And they can go back 7 generations with the tradition.

I told my wife I didn’t want to follow the tradition and if we did an honor name from my side I would prefer to honor my mom, who died when I was 11 months old. My wife said that was okay and we’re still actively discussing names because I don’t need an honor name and prefer the idea of everyone having their own name in a family but my mom’s name could still be used in some way or maybe someone from my wife’s family.

The truth of why I don’t want to continue is I don’t consider my stepmom my mom or myself a part of her family overall. I don’t have a problem with my stepmom. I was 5 when she married my dad. But I always thought of her as stepmom and my mom as mom even though I don’t remember my mom. I still get along just fine with my stepmom and my half siblings. I had a pretty happy childhood. But I’m not super attached to my stepmom’s family and I never was.

The topic of the name came up after everyone was told we were having a girl. My stepmom assumed she would be Ruth something or something Ruth and I told her we weren’t using the name. She got upset and told me the baby will be the first granddaughter of this generation and it would be so sad if she doesn’t get to have the name.

I told her her first bio granddaughter could still have it and she got extra upset and said it didn’t matter that my daughter wasn’t her bio granddaughter, that I’m her son regardless and my daughter will be her granddaughter and we’re still technically Howards even though it might not be our last name. I told her I understood she felt that way but we didn’t want to use the name. My dad told me I should use it and call my daughter by a nickname.

He said I’ll break my stepmom’s heart even more if I refuse this. Two of my half siblings pounced on me about it too. They said I’m acting like my stepmom didn’t raise me and this isn’t my family tradition too. I told them it’s not my family tradition. There’s a lot of people unhappy with me. So I feel I should ask AITA?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Decent-Dig-771 −  NTA. Name your kid whatever you want.

AnnieJack −  Your half siblings want you to follow the tradition so they don’t have to.. NTA.

drownigfishy −  NTA when your dad remarried your step-mother it did not erase your mothers existence.

RedPandaPrincess93 −  NTA. Even if she was your bio family you still wouldn’t be TA. Only the parents of a child should get any say in the naming of a child and it’s a 2 yes situation.

meeldtar −  I passed on a name tradition that had been used for generations. I wasn’t going to take a name foisted on me and my child without any say from me. NTA. Name your baby whatever you and your wife want and tell them after it’s signed and sealed.

Ronotrow2 −  nta honour your mother if anyone.

United-Manner20 −  NTA- looks like your siblings can use the name!

Gifted-Cupcake −  It is lovely that your stepmom sees your daughter as a bio granddaughter, because many don’t feel that way. However, it’s your and your wife’s child, and you should be able to name her anything you want.. NTA.

Cute-Profession9983 −  NTA at all. The entitlement of stepmother is CRAZY, especially seeing as she has bio kids.

TopAd7154 −  NTA. They had their chance to name kids. They need to back off.