I(24M) adopted my little sister(8F) after our parents passed away, GF(23F) isn’t so excited about it

A Reddit user shared the challenging story of adopting his young sister after the tragic loss of their parents. While he’s determined to provide her with love and stability, his long-term girlfriend struggles to adjust to the sudden responsibilities,

leading to tension in their relationship. Now, he’s torn between his commitment to his sister and his desire to maintain his relationship. Read the original story below.

‘ I(24M) adopted my little sister(8F) after our parents passed away, GF(23F) isn’t so excited about it’

Last month, when my parents were driving back from my uncle’s house outside the city, they encountered a moose on a remote road in the forest, my father, who was the driver, swerved at a high speed and hit into a tree, they both died on scene. Because it wasn’t a very often used road, they were only discovered the next day by a passerby.

My sister has been staying with my grandmother who I’m not a great fan of. She would hit me when I was a kid, most of the time deservedly so, but also a lot of time unjustified. She said that she doesn’t want to adopt my sister so the next option was me, I agreed to it without question,

we are very close and in the end she’s my family and I love her to the end of the world. My sister moved in with my GF and 2 weeks ago, obviously she’s very scarred from what happened to our parents, we were both very close to them and they were great people. She still doesn’t really talk much, only to me and sometimes my GF.

We take her to therapy twice a week and there are improvements, even in such a short amount of time. Yesterday, after I stayed with my sister in her bed until she fall asleep, I went to my and my GF’s room, she said that we have to talk about this situation.

She said that we don’t really have time for each other since my sister moved in. It’s a fair point, we’ve only had s** once and that was when my sister was away, and even then I wasn’t really into it at all. She said I should re-consider the adoption and maybe hand her over to my uncle and aunt.

I refused, they’re already busy as it is, my uncle isn’t allowed to work because of a heart condition and because he didn’t work long before being diagnosed, his disability fund isn’t very big, my aunt works at a retirement home and that obviously doesn’t pay great.

They also pay for my cousin’s university expenses while juggling taking care of my younger cousin, who’s only 5. My GF is in her last year of university so we don’t have much money either,

I luckily found a job after university in my field that pays pretty good but it’s been tough financially though soon enough I will start receiving funds from the government for adopting my sister. My GF said that she isn’t ready to become a “mother” and over all having all these responsibilities of a parent which I can understand,

it’s tough and said that it’s been putting a big strain on our relationship, which again is valid. Before, we’d get back from work and university and be off for the day, but now we have to pick my sister up from school, drive her to the therapist and also take care of her a lot when she’s home, she doesn’t like to be alone.

I told her that while she makes valid points, all of that goes out the window when this is my sister, I can’t just throw her away because it’s not easy, it won’t be easy and that I have to ride it out but that she doesn’t, it probably wasn’t the right thing this say because it set her off, and she said that if I had to choose between my sister and her,

who I would pick. I didn’t answer and we got into a bit of a verbal fight after which I went to sleep on the couch, and I kind of broke down from everything that has been going on lately.

I should like to add that my GF and I have been together for 9 years, she knew my parents and they loved her, she also knows my sister from birth and I just can’t understand how she could make me pick between them, I love both of them and I don’t want to lose either of them. I think I need advice on what to do, or say with my GF, because I’m at a loss.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

hot-monkey-love −  Girlfriend has a choice. Your sister doesn’t.

ottoneurseolo −  Pick your sister. Your sister has no choice in this. Your girlfriend has a choice to stay or leave.

MyzMyz1995 −  You’re not into s** because your parents died recently, she’s being selfish and not supportive about their d**th, even if the sister issue is real for her she should have at least waited for you to mourn first.

thebookisbetter_ −  What a wonderfully brave and noble thing you’ve done by adopting your younger sister. I’m certain your parents are so proud of you. Please don’t consider sending your sister off. She has already gone through so much.

You made the decision to do this. Your girlfriend has the right to leave the relationship. She does not, however, have the right to make you feel bad about the decision you have made. I wish you well.

Loggies777 −  Stay strong man, I know this has to be terribly hard for you too! Much love and keep being a role model for you sister.

malacucina −  You are a great brother and your sister is very lucky to have you. I agree with people saying that your sister is forever and you seem to be a great person, in which your sister will have a best buddy in the future.

Your girlfriend is of course in a hard position, as she is 23 and taking care of a child is a great responsibility, mentally, financially, whatever, and you know, people are not prepared for such a commitment in this age, in my opinion.

It makes me think, couldn’t you and your gf live separately for some time? It would make her feel not “like a mother” so much, she could find some fun roommates and enjoy her last year and help you with your sister whenever it is possible and suitable for her.

I feel like breaking up on the spot with your long time spouse over such a tragic situation, as the d**th of your parents is, will not benefit anybody. Is there a possibility for such an arrangement?

MerpMerpPotato −  I’m sorry. Your girlfriend is trying to force you to choose between your 8 year old sister and her? Your 8 year old sister who just lost her parents(as did you, might I add) and cannot take care of herself?

It’s understandable that your girlfriend doesn’t want to be a mum, that’s fine. She’s young, this is an extremely sudden change in her life, an unexpected shock to her that requires a maturity level she doesn’t yet want to take responsibility for-and she shouldn’t have to. She has full rights to be upset and stressed about this situation.

That being said, she is a thundercunt. You have listed several reasons why you want to be the caretaker for your lil sister, why it’s best that you are the primary adult in her life. Your girlfriend is basically saying she doesn’t give a s**t that your lil sister just lost her parents, that you lost your parents,

she doesn’t respect the stress and grief you’re being put through-she’s thinking of herself. She’s upset that you haven’t had s**/enough intimacy for her? Upset that now she has to be a mother? You never forced that on her, she has all the freedom to not be a mother, she did not birth that child, it’s not hers.

That child is your sister, and you chose to take the responsibility of your sister. Your girlfriend is being a selfish, narcissistic ass that isn’t giving you the decency of trying to see your perspective, she isn’t walking in your shoes,

she’s miffed that there’s an 8 year old in her house and she doesn’t get enough of your attention/doesn’t want the responsibility of a child. Yes, she’s 23, she doesn’t need the responsibility of a child,

but trying to force an ultimatum on you between a child and herself is so infuriatingly immature that I would’ve broken up with her on the spot. It demonstrates an immense lack of respect for the situation you’re in.

[Reddit User] −  Your sister has gone through a trauma that no one should have to go through. Right now she needs to know that she can have someone there that she can depend on. Your girlfriend is being incredibly selfish and so unempathetic it’s almost surreal.

If she can’t handle the fact that you want to take care of your sister, who has just lost her parents, then you should really reevaluate the relationship. What kind of person would make you choose between them and your little sister?

procrochetnator −  i cant believe your girlfriend thinks your sister being around is affecting your s** drive more than your parents’ traumatic passing…has she been understanding of your own grief at all?

a2hitman −  So many points here! 1. Your parents died 1 month ago. You have a lot of responsibilities on your head. So having s** 1 time is not the biggest issue right now. If you start feeling better emotionally, everything will be fine.

2. Do not say/do anything negative around your sister right now (tell your GF the same thing). I might be heartless to say this, but she is young, nature will heal her emotionally. You have to make sure that happens in a constructive way. Any small negative statements during such times might scar her forever.

3. Your GF is 23, she is young and wants to explore the world at this point. She must not be a bad human being, but youth is a bad companion.

4. You need to look out for your family first, your GF may grow up and realise one day, what she is asking of you might be unreasonable. But that day may be far off, do not make her resent being with you.

5. Tell your GF she has every freedom to do whatever she wants. Let her move out if she wants and you can date like you are living in another apartment. But do not make her feel that she is a horrible person for wanting freedom.

I dunno her, but I do know that if you confront her with morality, she might do/say something everyone will regret. Remember, no matter what happens, it is not your fault.

This story highlights the difficult balance between family duty and personal relationships. Do you think the Redditor’s girlfriend’s feelings are valid given the situation, or should she show more understanding for his decision to care for his sister? How would you handle such a challenging dynamic in your own life? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/jTlJC