I (44F) am being pressured by my family to apologize for my daughter (18F) scratching her uncle but I refuse. How do I deal with this?

A Redditor shared a difficult family situation where their daughter, 18, scratched her uncle after he persistently pressured her for a hug at a family gathering. Despite her clear discomfort, John, the uncle, continued to force the interaction, leading to a physical reaction from the daughter.

The family is pressuring her to apologize, but the Redditor refuses, believing the focus should be on John’s inappropriate behavior. They now seek advice on how to handle the intense family conflict. Read the full story below…

‘ I (44F) am being pressured by my family to apologize for my daughter (18F) scratching her uncle but I refuse. How do I deal with this? ‘

Recently mine (44F) and my husband’s (44M) families had a big get together at our home. We have an 18 year old daughter, who was excited because she would get to see her cousins “Sarah” and “Amy” who she loves.

At the party, her cousins arrived and my daughter ran over and gave each of them a hug. Their dad “John”, who is my husband’s brother (50M) laughed and asked my daughter “where’s my hug?”. She didn’t hug him, people kind of laughed it off and the moment passed.

She and her cousins went off together, and I went to the kitchen to prepare food, thinking nothing insidious had happened. No more than fifteen minutes later, I heard my daughter yelling in obvious distress, and I dropped everything to rush out to the garden.

There, I found John with a red mark on his face. My daughter was holding hands with Sarah. John went inside to get ice for his face, while Amy told me what happened. It turns out that John had approached her and continued asking my daughter for a hug.

The girls told him to leave her alone because she didn’t want to, and he’d continued trying to get my daughter to hug him. At the moment he actually got her in his arms she scratched his face. After comforting my daughter, I confronted John, who did nothing but say “she scratched me”.

By this point everyone heard what happened, including my husband who was furious. To our disgust, people defended John and demanded our daughter say sorry for scratching him.

I said trying to force something on my daughter had been the reason for all this in the first place, so I wouldn’t be making her say anything. Most people left afterwards.

Family are blasting us for not making her apologize, but I think his very concerning behavior is where the focus should be. What can I do to navigate this situation? It’s a lot and I’m a little blindsided.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Best_Salad_1035 −  You should ask your daughter if it’s the first time he’s doing something like this. He seems like a real c**ep, don’t apologize and stay away from that man

Balasong-Bazongas −  I think it speaks volumes that his own daughters told him to back off. Your daughter doesn’t owe anyone in the family physical contact and you are doing great holding that front for her. I would still show up to events and see if he tries his s**t again and then pounce but tbh I hope he’s scared to try.

WiseOldMan54 −  Agree with asking if he’s done it before to your daughter or her friends. If he has daughters of his own, I’d try to find out if he’s s**ually abused his own.

Revolutionary_Ad1846 −  Rape usually occurs by people we know and trust. Not strangers in an alley.. I would reward her not punish her.. Nta

SaveItUp1998 −  The family defending him is EXACTLY how child molesters get away with this stuff. The fact that his daughters didn’t defend him and even comforted your daughter is telling.

[Reddit User] −  Tell your daughter that you are proud of her and that nobody can touch her when she doesnt want to, not even family.
On the other hand, it sounds like a very big reaction for an uncle trying to get a hug, Is it possible he or another person maybe overstepped and made her feel unsafe at another time?

floppybunny86 −  There is an Uncle John in my extended family (his name is actually John). All of the *girls* who aren’t biologically related to him have been kept at arms length of him by the older women.

He has always given me the creeps. And you can bet that at 18years old, if he had tried to hug me, I would have scratched the hell outta his face too.

cassowary32 −  He harassed and assaulted your daughter, she scratched him in self defense. He’s the one that owes an apology.

HauntingThighGap −  NTA. He forced physical contact after being told no repeatedly. This guy is a c**ep at best an abuser at worst. Ick.

Creepy_Addict −  “Dear ‘Family’, you continue to defend a man, who touched my daughter without her CONSENT. (could add, that the lack of consent makes it ~~SA~~ s**ual harassment) She had every right to defend herself from unwanted touching, regardless of family affiliation.

If she doesn’t get an apology from John and everyone defending him, for his unwanted and unauthorized TOUCHING, this will be the LAST TIME we speak. “

That is how you deal with this. You send it out as a mass text to every family member you have a number for, regardless if they were there or not. It just may be he is forcing ‘hugs’ on other members.

How would you handle being in a similar situation where family pressure conflicts with your sense of protection for your child? Share your thoughts below!