Update: Me (F29) with my BF (M31) of 3.5 years won’t help me clean or do things he doesn’t care about

A Redditor returned with an update after posting about her struggles with a boyfriend who refused to share household responsibilities or consider therapy to address the imbalance in their relationship. Ultimately, she chose to leave the relationship, recognizing that his refusal to grow or compromise left her with no path to happiness together.

Though the decision was painful, she’s now focused on rediscovering herself and is confident it was the right choice. Her story serves as a reminder to believe people when they show you who they are. Read the original story below…

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/TPawu

‘ Update: Me (F29) with my BF (M31) of 3.5 years won’t help me clean or do things he doesn’t care about?’

I ended things a little over a month ago, and things have simultaneously been terrible and amazing. I asked him if he would be willing to go to therapy with me, and he refused. He told me when we first starting dating that he would never go to therapy,

and I assumed he’d change his mind at some point because he would care enough about me and our relationship to work through the hard things in counseling. We see this all the time on this sub, but really, when people tell you who they are, believe them.

Refusing to go to therapy really left me with the two choices of staying and having nothing change and being unhappy… or leaving. I opted to leave even though it was scary and so, so hard. The initial heartbreak is starting to fade, and I’m working on rediscovering myself.

I know that I did the right thing for myself, but it was also the hard thing. I kept this throwaway account around, and I’m posting this update because I wanted to thank this community and the individuals who offered their input.

I know I didn’t comment on anything in my original post, but it was very helpful to have some outside opinions. I appreciate you all so much. Thank you for your advice and assistance when I was faced with a difficult situation.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Finn_Finite −  You did a wonderful job. Keep treating yourself gently until you have time to heal.

iheartsunflowers −  You did the right thing. He wasn’t going to change and staying would have most certainly left you miserable. I’m happy to hear you’re doing better and hope you find someone that respects you enough to work with you. My husband was a slob when we met…

LIKE A HUGE SLOB!! When we moved in together, I let him know that I would not live in a p** sty and expected help. It took some work, and I had to lower my expectations a little bit but he is way better.

I’d say if I lowered mine 2 points, he raised his 8 points. We celebrated 28 years recently because he cared about something that I cared about, a common thread in our marriage.

[Reddit User] −  It will be easier every day. And then when you meet a guy who gives a f**k it will seem ridiculous that you let yourself put up with your ex for as long as you did. Congrats!

ladyporkle −  I literally cannot wait until he realizes he is the problem.

JBenglishman −  Great update, we dudnt help you, you helped yourself. Keep your head up high and be proud you earned it. I asked in therapy, “why does she keep doing this to me?” Best answer i ever had to motivate me. “Because you let her”

Wokster72 −  Good on you, he sounded like a lazy f**king douchbag.. F**k him. Now keep looking forward, make some small plans to reward yourself – treat yourself!

AuntyVenom −  I know that I did the right thing for myself, but it was also the hard thing. This experience is going to serve you well for the rest of your life, OP. Doing the right thing for yourself even when it’s hard. Gold stars all around.

junesunflower −  I love a happy ending!

Celany −  You definitely did the right thing ending it with him, buuuuut…. I assumed he’d change his mind. Don’t do this in the future, ok? Another thing we see on this sub a lot is people who did this and how poorly expecting someone to change their mind as a relationship progresses goes.

[Reddit User] −  Holy crap is this me? I left my ex because he wouldn’t help me out and refused to go to therapy. I’m glad you found the courage to leave. Happy for you <3

What do you think about her decision? Have you ever faced a similar moment of choosing between staying and prioritizing yourself? Share your experiences and thoughts below!