“Pregnant, and My Husband Wants Us to Move to Belarus—What Should I Do?”

A Redditor shared her concerns about her husband’s sudden desire to move back to Belarus, and how he’s been making unilateral decisions about their future without consulting her.

This has caused tension and raised red flags in their marriage, especially after an unsettling incident where he became aggressive. Read the full story below to understand the situation in detail.

‘ Pregnant, and My Husband Wants Us to Move to Belarus—What Should I Do?‘

My husband and I live in Sweden. I moved there with my family when I was very young as my mother is Swedish, however he only moved here about seven years ago. We were together for almost six years, and we married each other about six months ago. I found out I was pregnant about two months ago.

I’m about thirteen weeks pregnant now, and everything seems to be going well. All our tests have been clear so far and I am healthy. My husband and I are both very happy, and I’m quite excited to be having a baby, although nervous.

I was very nervous about pregnancy, hence why it was an accidental pregnancy, but so far it’s been alright, other than the nausea. This was until my husband told me he wanted to move countries. I am still a dual citizen of both Sweden and Belarus. My husband also is.

However, I feel no need to go back there, the last time I did was when I was thirteen. I’ve lost most of my Russian, and I don’t like the situation over there. Most of my family is here, and I’ve always felt more at home here than I ever have there.

My husband explained he had applied for a job there, and he thinks we would have a better life there, and so would our child. I got really upset, I told him that he can’t just make this decision for the both of us, and that I don’t want to go back there.

It scares me, I don’t want my child in that environment, and I like the Swedish schools and way of life more. I knew my husband missed Belarus but I never thought he wanted to go back. He got annoyed at me, and said I wasn’t thinking in the best interest of our child.

I was honest, and said that if he made me go back there, that I would divorce him and do everything I can to go back home. And that he can’t make me, and that I’m not going and I won’t go. He yelled at me and said that he was my husband, and that it’s not up to me to decide how our life will be.

I told him that he never said that was how he saw marriage, and he was being archaic. He seemed to calm down, but later when we were sleeping together, he got far too aggressive and his hands ended up on my throat.

I managed to push him away, he didn’t hurt me but I was worried about the baby, but he then started for some reason complaining about how dramatic I was being about this whole pregnancy and I seem to think it makes me entitled to decide everything, and he wasn’t even being that rough.

He’s never acted like this before. It’s like he thinks he can control my life, and our future child’s life. We’re supposed to make decisions together, not just one of us. I’m starting to think I can’t stay him. It’s not just about moving countries, it’s the way he seems to think he’s entitled to decide my whole life just because he’s my husband.

I’ve always thought that men have no more rights to make decisions than women in a marriage, as that’s the point of a marriage. We’re together. My brain is a mess right now.

I’d always thought I loved him but now I look at him and I realise that I just can’t do this if he carries on like this and I feel so stupid for not seeing it before. I don’t know if it’s the hormones, or my own emotions becoming too involved, but I’m really doubting this right now.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

tunacans −  Leave. And I mean this, immediately. Whatever you do do NOT leave Sweden where you have a good support system, human rights and an easier opportunity to divorce. If he tries to force you hide a metal object in your clothes so they pull you aside at security. We will help you.

I am swedish too and if you need any help with finding support organizations, women’s shelter, anything like that you can DM me. If you divorce and he would start threatening you or anything like that you can report him to the police to get a Kontaktförbud, also you can get skyddat ID via Skatteverket.

[Reddit User] −  Wow. Leave. Choking is the most common form of spousal m**der. He’s probably always felt this way about his and your roles in the marriage but it’s just never come to light until you “disobeyed” him. You’re in a very vulnerable place right now and you need to be very careful planning your exit strategy. Talk to your family. Stay safe.

MasRemlap −  He yelled at me and said that he was my husband, and that it’s not up to me to decide how our life will be. Easiest “divorce” of my life and I comment here a lot lol

schumachiavelli −  *“…he thinks we would have a better life [in Belarus], and so would our child.”* I’d divorce him just for the stupidity of that statement alone. Belarus better than Sweden? What a dunce.

plastic_venus −  So I work in DV and every day do DV Risk Assessments the ascertain the level of risk to the victim and your post ticks all of the highest scoring questions – you’re pregnant, he’s choked you, he’s isolating you from family. Being killed by a partner is one of the highest causes of d**th in pregnant women.

Being strangled by an intimate partner means you’re 7 times more likely to be a victim of h**icide at the hands of that partner. Both of those together is a very very serious thing.

This is an incredibly dangerous situation and I implore you to talk to a DV counsellor and absolutely do not let this man put you in a position where you have less access to support systems and full reliance on him.

mariajazz −  Your husband baby trap you…and now want you to go back to the country…… Also put hands on you….. Try to kill you in night… Also bosses around you.. that he is the men and can decide anything… Just divorced him… he is a walking red flag

MizzyvonMuffling −  Don’t go – especially with the situation in the Ukraine at this time. You’d be too close for comfort. We all don’t know what Putin’s next target is. Please stay where you are, much safer and nicer. Let him go. He waving some massive red flags…

Edit: after reading some of your comments… please pack up and go to your parent’s house and make sure, his name will not be on the birth certificate – I’d be deathly afraid of him.

[Reddit User] −  If you go and the kid is born there it will be way harder to leave and come back. He can’t force you to go, find a shelter if you need to, he won’t have a chance to take that child back to Belarus without you in a thousand years 

Elzealoop −  If you stay in Sweden, be aware that he might take your kid and return to Belarus and Belarus probably won’t collaborate with Sweden in returning your kid home. At least make sure, that the baby is Swedish citizen.

Evie_St_Clair −  He’s acting this way now because he feels like he has you trapped now that you’re married and pregnant. What form of birth control were you using? Honestly, he behaviour is very concerning and I would be worried that your relationship is beginning to turn a**sive.

Do you think the Redditor should address her husband’s controlling behavior head-on or take steps to protect herself and her child? How would you navigate a marriage where one partner feels entitled to make decisions for both? Share your thoughts below and offer any advice.