My (28F) colleague (30F) didn’t invite me to her wedding, and it’s completely unravelled our friendship

A Reddit user shared a deeply emotional experience about being excluded from the wedding of a lifelong friend and colleague. Despite years of closeness, unwavering support, and shared milestones, the user wasn’t invited, even as other less significant colleagues received invitations.

This exclusion has sparked feelings of betrayal and prompted a reevaluation of their friendship, leaving the user wondering if they’ve been taken for granted all along. To read more about this heartbreaking situation, explore the full story below.

‘ My (28F) colleague (30F) didn’t invite me to her wedding, and it’s completely unravelled our friendship’

My colleague, a lifelong friend, didn’t invite me to her wedding, and it’s left me questioning everything about our relationship. We’ve known each other since childhood—same street, same school—and even work together now because she helped me get my job.

At work, we’ve been inseparable, always eating lunch together and chatting throughout the day. When she got engaged last year, I was thrilled. I’d supported her through some tough years, including family losses, and it was wonderful to see her happy again.

She constantly talked about her wedding, sharing every detail except the venue, which she wanted to keep as a surprise for when the invitations went out. But mine never came. She invited other colleagues, some of whom she’s not even close to, and hasn’t said a word about why I was excluded.

It stings, especially since I’ve always been there for her—whether it was lightening her workload during hard times or saving her a slice of cake at the office. Yet, as I reflect, I can’t recall a moment when she made a similar effort for me.

Lately, I’ve noticed she doesn’t listen when I talk, just nodding and switching the topic back to herself. It feels like she values me more as a sounding board than as a friend. So, I’ve started pulling away—no more shared lunches or friendly chats. She hasn’t even noticed.

It’s hard to reconcile years of friendship with this feeling of being used. Am I overreacting, or is it fair to feel hurt? I’m not sure there’s a way back from this, but I’d love to hear if anyone’s been through something similar.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

[Reddit User] −  Why don’t you ask her why you didn’t get an invite? If you thought of her as one of your close friends, seems like it would be worth the effort.

coconutmilke −  “Look, it’s been on my mind and I’ve just got to ask: You’ve delivered all of your wedding invitations and I didn’t get one and why is that?”

springflingqueen −  I’m confused why, if you see and talk to her every single day, you didn’t mention when you never received an invitation?

Gogogadgetskates −  So clearly she hadn’t invited you and there’s no missing invite as she hand delivered to other people at work. So at this point I don’t think I’d bother asking.

It’s pretty clear that she’s using you as an ear to yack at over lunch but she doesn’t see much actual friendship between the two of you. So if I were you I’d just continue doing the fade. It’s super tacky to talk endlessly about your wedding to someone you’re not inviting.

hopingtothrive −  have you asked her? An invitation could have gotten lost in the mail.

hussainsuriya −  this has happened to me so many times in all types of relationships at all stages in life. I’ve honestly accepted that the few people that care are really the only ones. i’m kind and people use that, i wont change myself to be accepted by someone else.

it is not wrong for you to feel bad that you were not invited, but you should never ever regret being a good person.

vinny_wizzy −  I just want to address you feeling lonely at work now. Instead of spending all of your time with one colleague resulting in a work bff, its better to have a bunch of colleagues you can consider your friend.

I know it might seem too late to do that in your current office, but hey, you’ve still got a long career ahead! After personally being in a similar relationship dynamic for years, I realised that it’s always better to spread your source of energy,

time and happiness, and not depend on one person/thing in any walk of life. People change, values change. You’re more safeguarded this way.

TyeDyeSocks −  I had a similar situation (sort of). I was best friends with a guy since we were 13. He had some success in his life and we remained very close. He ended up dating a woman who was/is pretty famous.

A short time after he started dating her, I found out from my mother’s friend (who didn’t know that I didn’t know) that they were engaged. She had heard about it on the news or from some website. I looked it up on my phone and found out they had been engaged for two weeks.

I still sucked it up and congratulated him. I was very upset, but kept it to myself because I didn’t want to ruin the happy time for him. He talked to me about the wedding and how it was going to be very small, in her home state. Only immediate family.

I joked I was disappointed that I wouldn’t get to see him get married (years earlier he had told me I would be a “groomsman” when/if he ever did), but that I understood why they would want to keep it small. Months later, they get married. I see pictures on different websites and his sister and mothers FB pages.

There were well over 100 people present at that wedding. Standing up next to him was his college roommate (obviously not an immediate family member) and my heart broke. Then, it hit me: our friendship had been one-sided for years and I didn’t even notice or cared to notice.

When it was his birthday, I would call and wish him a happy birthday. On my birthday, I wouldn’t hear from him or I would hear but he would make no mention that it was my birthday. Not finding out about his engagement and not being invited to his wedding opened my eyes.

After that, I stopped making an effort and he seemed to notice and stopped making one in return. About 2.5 years ago, he emailed me saying he didn’t know where the friendship went but would I help him with a new TV project he was working on.

I used the excuse that I was too pregnant (I was) to give it 100% of my time. He didn’t congratulate me or anything. That sealed the deal for me. My advice to you is to ask your friend whats up.

My guess is that this friendship is one sided like mine was, but either way, you’ll have some closure to the friendship. Don’t wait years to get that closure because it will eat away at you.

[Reddit User] −  A couple of interpretations jump out to me: 1) She is uncomfortable with a person who reminds her of a time in her life when she was vulnerable. 2) She is detaching in preparation for moving on.

Adult friendship is tricky and in my experience much more transient than school or uni friendships. The truth is other relationships tend to take priority as we get older.