AITAH for canceling my Christmas party because my mother in law kept adding demands?
A woman has hosted Christmas at her house every year but this year, her mother-in-law (Debbie) made excessive demands. She asked the woman to make a casserole, set up a dessert table, pick up decorations from her house, and invited overseas in-laws to stay without consulting her. Feeling overwhelmed, the woman decided to cancel the party and set boundaries, telling her husband (Mark) she wouldn’t host it.
Mark tried to convince her to go ahead with the plans, but now his family is upset, saying she ruined the holidays. The woman feels she was being taken advantage of and that her husband didn’t back her up. She’s wondering if she was wrong for canceling the party. Read the full story below…
‘ AITAH for canceling my Christmas party because my mother in law kept adding demands?’
So I (29F) am married to my husband Mark (32M), and his mom Debbie has been nonstop with her requests lately. I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I canceled the party. Every year we host Christmas at our house but Debbie always adds stress with her demands.
This year, she asked if I could make her casserole for the party because she couldn’t. Then she wanted me to set up a dessert table, and later asked if I could go to her house and pick up decorations because she wasn’t prepared. I already decorated everything, but she just wanted to change everything. Yesterday she voluntold me that she invited some inlaws from oversea and that said that they can stay with me.
I put my foot down and said I was not going to do any of this anymore and canceled the party. I already have enough to do with my own family and the party itself. I told Mark I wasn’t doing any of it and that I wasn’t hosting the party.
Mark tried to convince me to just do it because it’s Christmas and the inlaws had no other place to stay but I felt like my mother inlaw was being unreasonable. Now all of Mark’s family is mad at me, saying I ruined the holidays. I feel like I was being taken advantage of and my husband wouldn’t back me up. AITAH?
These are the responses from Reddit users:
StandingGoat − NTA – There was room for compromise up until the point when she invited someone to stay at your home without asking you first. That seriously crosses a line. Your husband really needs to have your back and keep his family in check, he’s definitely part of the problem.
Realistic-Animator-3 − “No, I did not ruin the holidays… I simply stopped mine from being run roughshod over me. I volunteered to host and as the host, it is my choice what occurs. I am open to suggestions but draw the line at demands and assumptions that I will roll over and change the menu, change the decorations, and have overnight guests thrust upon me. So no… I am not hosting.”. NtA.
angelicak92 − You have a husband problem. Tell him all good and just go stay with your friends, come back when his family leave. He can cook, host, clean and have the house back to how you left it when you get home. He needs a harsh Realty check.
kmflushing − NTA, but why don’t you just say no. And keep saying no. No, I can’t make your casserole. No, I can’t do a dessert table. No, I can’t do a pick up. Just keep saying no. No need to explain or reason or excuse or argue. Just no. If they argue, sorry, that’s my answer, gotta go, bye.
hummus_sapiens − If it is so important to him, he can host. Cook, clean, lay the table, prepare a guest room, entertain the guests and clean up.after the party. He doesn’t like it? Then shut the f**k up.
LunaMitch − You’re not TA for canceling the party. It sounds like your mother-in-law was putting too much on you, and you set clear boundaries. Mark should’ve supported you, and it’s understandable to prioritize your well-being over everyone else’s demands.
celticmusebooks − So these inlaws were coming from out of the country so your MIL KNEW they were coming and needed a place for them to stay but waited until the last minute to tell you? Why can’t the inlaws stay with MIL? Kudos to your for shutting that down– sorry your husband didn’t have your back like a good husband would have.
teresajs − NTA. MIL can host the ILs. She can host Christmas. She even has the decorations to do so. I recommend that you block the ILs on your phone and social media.
SafeWord9999 − You have a husband problem. He needs to find his balls (start by looking in his mommies purse) and tell his Mom that NONE of this is happening.
Legal-Lingonberry577 − Sounds like MIL just took in the in-laws. LOL.