My (25F) ex-boyfriend (27M) left me for my best friend (25F) and now they want me to be part of their wedding party. Any advice?
A woman’s ex-boyfriend and best friend, who became romantically involved while she was still dating him, are now getting married. Despite their past betrayal, they have insisted that she be part of their wedding party.
She has firmly declined, but their persistence—along with pressure from mutual friends and family—is making the situation difficult. She is seeking advice on how to handle this pressure and understand why they would want her at their wedding after betraying her trust.
‘ My (25F) ex-boyfriend (27M) left me for my best friend (25F) and now they want me to be part of their wedding party. Any advice?’
3 years ago, Josh, my boyfriend of about 1.5 years, broke up with me because he had feelings for Ana, my best friend. We hung out a lot and they said that they eventually developed feelings for one another. They admitted that Josh had been cheating on me. They made a fool out of me.
They made me think that everything was okay when it was really not. If they admitted it at that time, I would have tried to be understanding and tried to support them, but they chose to lie. So I cut them both off. I focused on school and found a job with a good income.
Josh and Ana tried to reach out to me at first, telling me that they still wanted to be friends but I blocked them. Now, I am living in the town next to our hometown. I got a wonderful job opportunity so I moved, but I liked that I was still close enough to visit my parents and other relatives.
About a month ago, I heard about their wedding from a common friend. It didn’t really bother me anymore, so I just went on with my life. A week ago, I received a message from Ana, telling me that she and Josh were getting married and that they would like me to be a part of the wedding party.
I replied “Congratulations. No, thank you.” I had no feelings for Josh anymore and I’m even seeing someone else, but I don’t want to celebrate the wedding of two people who betrayed me. They were insistent. Josh also messaged me via a different number.
Some of my friends also tried to convince me to come to the wedding. I firmly said no. Even my mom called me asking if I was going and when I said no, she sounded disappointed but she didn’t push it. This is all just quite weird to me.
Why would you want your ex-girlfriend/ex- best friend, the girl you cheated on, to be part of your wedding party? The day before yesterday, Ana’s parents called me, telling me that they missed me and really hope I could go to the wedding. I firmly said that I would not be going.
Her mom berated me, saying that I should let bygones be bygones and that I should be happy for her daughter. I asked her if I cheated with Ana’s boyfriend and then invited her to the wedding, would she convince Ana to go? She had no answer to this and I hung up.
This is quite getting out of hand because I’m receiving more than 20-30 calls and texts a day from their friends and family about this wedding. Any advice on how to handle this? Also any insights on why they want me to go to their wedding? I don’t think it’s normal that they are very insistent.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Plus_Data_1099 − They want you at the wedding to help relieve there own guilt they think it will make people think all is forgiven and forgotten when in reality no one will ever trust these two people with there partners or friends ever let them rot and if people go on and on cut contact with them too.
Chrisv6296 − Tell everyone involved to get fucked
caclexis − They want you at the wedding so that they can stop feeling guilty about being the lying cheaters that they are. If you are at their wedding, that means you forgive them and that means everyone will know that they aren’t terrible people.
If you’re so inclined, post something on social media about how they cheated with each other and how they are now harassing you and have people harassing you on their behalf. Make it clear that they are in fact, terrible people. Maybe it will get them to back off?
Spoonbills − I suspect Ana doesn’t have a lot of female friends. No one trusts her around their boyfriends. No one wants to be her bridesmaid. Ana made her bed, now she can lay in it. They’ll stop bugging you after the wedding. In the meantime, blooock.
SubstantialMaize6747 − They want you at the wedding to rewrite history. They started their relationship in the worst possible way and probably think that if you’re at the wedding it legitimises their start. They couldn’t possibly have betrayed you if you are at their wedding.
Out of interest have you asked them why they are so insistent? Part of me would want to go and ruin their day. Wear red. Tell stories about how they got together. But I’d probably just block them all, they’re not worth the effort.
Enough-Pack7468 − Proud of you for having self respect and keeping these toxic people out of your life!
Samwry − I’m actually astonished. Are people really this morally ambivalent? The couple themselves are amazingly selfish and sound rather insecure to invite the victim of their sordid behavior to their wedding. But why would others feel the need to chime in?
You are correct in telling them “no, I won’t be attending”. For those who insist, I can only hope that they do not know the real story abour how the two got together. Perhaps they are not aware of the details.
In that case, fill them in! Just say, “well, since they both cheated on me and lied to me and snuck around behind my back, I am sure you can understand why I am reluctant to attend”.
Plus_Stuff_vin − Stay away from them. Don’t even wonder as to why they are so weirdly obsessing over you being part of their wedding! Tell them to MOVE ON. Straight up tell them to stop bothering you. Tell them that they are entering harassment territory, and you will not hesitate to exercise your rights if they don’t stop.. yikes.
Agile-Wait-7571 − This like small town s**t? I’m mystified by this.
valkycam12 − I personally would just block anyone who is harassing me to attend the wedding of people who betrayed me. You are not their emotional launderer. They cannot clean the stain of how they met away.. It’s very weird.