I [30f] want to discuss moving in with boyfriend [34m] but we have a significant difference in income.

A woman in a serious relationship with her boyfriend of nine months contemplates moving in together when her lease ends. However, a significant income disparity makes her hesitant to initiate the conversation, as she cannot afford an equal split of living expenses.

She seeks advice on whether to wait for him to broach the topic or bring it up herself and how to navigate this sensitive discussion while respecting boundaries and financial realities.

‘ I [30f] want to discuss moving in with boyfriend [34m] but we have a significant difference in income.’

My title is pretty much my TL;DR. My boyfriend and I have been together 9 months, the lease on my apartment is up in July when we’ll have been together for a year. We currently spend about 5 nights out of the week together, but we have both hinted around the possibility of us moving in together so I’m pretty sure he’s on board.

Where it’s only 3 months off now, I’d like to look at broaching the conversation. I rent an apartment and he owns a condo so I’d be moving into his place, which is fine as we spend most of our time there anyway. So what’s the issue? There’s a pretty significant gap in our income.

We’ve not had a sit-down discussion as of yet to go over what I make vs what he makes but I’d estimate he makes around 3x what I do and lives very comfortably. He’s not rich by any stretch but pretty solidly middle class.

On my side, as of right now, and I’ve done the math, my bills eat about 90% of my income. I have pretty much nothing in savings, I don’t even have internet at my apartment because I can’t afford the extra bill. I am pretty firmly in lower class standing.

I know I can afford to cover my bills but that’s about it. This makes it pretty awkward to broach the topic of moving into his place on my end, where realistically speaking I likely won’t be able to do a 50/50 split.

He keeps his condo warmer than I keep my apartment so the electric bill will be higher than what I pay, he has internet/TV which would be an additional expense, I’d have to rent a parking space, plus condo fees, plus rent.

And I’d still need to make my car payment (my car is necessary for my job), insurance payments, student loan payments, phone bill etc. Not to mention that if I was to give up my space I’d want to reduce the percentage of my income spent in bills so I can start building my savings and pay off debts like my student loan, more quickly.

Part of me wants to wait until he broaches the topic because it doesn’t feel reasonable for me to say I want to move in with him in one breath and then tell him I can’t split bills evenly in another.

On the flip side, from conversations I’ve had with him, it seems like he wants it just as much as me but is feeling awkward about broaching the topic (this is his first serious relationship).

So I guess, any advice on what to do? Should I wait for him to bring up moving in together even if it means waiting an additional year? Should I bite the bullet and broach the topic myself? If so, how do I go about it without coming across like I’m trying to take advantage of him? Is there another path that I’m not even thinking of here?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

[Reddit User] −  I was like you when I moved in with my now husband and the fairest way to do it proportionally. And if neither of you can talk about this then you are in no way ready to live together!

[Reddit User] −  Find a place you would otherwise move into after your lease expires. Talk about why this is within your budget. If he offers you his place, then at least he opened the door for you to discuss why you can’t contribute as much as he can.

If he doesn’t bring up you moving in, ask him how long of a lease he thinks you should get…. if he still doesn’t bring up the topic of you moving in.. just drop it. Don’t make it awkward.

[Reddit User] −  “Boyfriend, my lease is up in July. I’m debating whether I should renew and, if so, for how long. I have the option to sign a six month, nine month, or year (if you indeed do). We’ll have been dating a year at that point.

Would it make sense to consider our options for moving in together within the next year or should I renew the lease?” When you broach options really consider all that is fair and talk through variations (even the more creative ones).

He could rent out his place (if the condo association allows) and rent a place with yoy that is a 50-50 split (likely an impractical and undesired options, but still an option). You could pay precisely what you currently pay to him as rent,

a flat rate rent for one room in his place that you both agree on (this can be calculated in a host of ways), a proportional split, just utilities and a parking space, etc.

Since he owns a 50-50 split probably isn’t the fairest thing anyway and the best thing for both of you (protection wise) is to have a clear lease and an understanding of who is responsible for what. But it starts with “do you want to move in together” taking on the “in the next year” is not only practical but takes some of the pressure off.

If he isn’t ready, do you have options to move somewhere cheaper or make more money? It sounds like you’re drowning financially. Moving in with him and paying less shouldn’t be your only solution, especially if you’re about to start discussing finances.

I’d start researching other options, if you have them, as well. It’s perfectly reasonable, after a year, for him to not be ready to live with a partner too.

tiredragon −  After only nine months of dating, given that you can’t afford to move in with him, it would be totally inappropriate to suggest doing so. It’s absurdly inappropriate to suggest moving in and also suggest that you somehow get to decrease your expenses vs what you’re paying now.

He’s not rich but yet he still makes 3 times what you do? You’re concerned about the heating bill? You don’t have the internet?? You have student loans but are “firmly in lower class standing”?

What kind of decisions have you been making with your life that you’re 30 years old, have attended college, and are still in this dire financial situation? Why do you think that if you move in with him you should get to spend less money than you’re currently spending?

It’d be fast to suggest moving in under normal circumstances, but under these circumstances, it will absolutely come across as you trying to take advantage. It comes across to me that you’re trying to take advantage.

dinosaur_train −  Relationships live and die based on communication. So, what do you think happens if you choose not to communicate?