Aita for filling for divorce after my wife constantly threatened me with one and now she’s saying I am being cruel to her and ruining her life?

A Reddit user, a 28-year-old man, shares the story of his decision to file for divorce from his wife of one year after repeated threats of divorce from her over a moral disagreement. The issue arose when he discovered that his wife was helping her close friend hide an affair from the friend’s husband.

His wife’s stance—claiming loyalty to her friend over any moral obligation to the husband—led to tension, escalating arguments, and eventually the husband filing for divorce. Now, the wife claims he’s being cruel and ruining her life by ending the marriage. Read the full story below…

‘ Aita for filling for divorce after my wife constantly threatened me with one and now she’s saying I am being cruel to her and ruining her life?’

I 28m been married to my wife 29f for past 1 year, we dated for 2 and half year, we at first wanted to wait a bit longer but decided to ahead with marriage because we trusted each other, there were no red flags and still isn’t except this one, we even had access to each other phones.

The only problem while dating and during engagement was my fil, he never liked me ever since he first met me, he would constantly argue with me, when we declared we are getting married he was pissed. My wife convinced him and he reluctantly agreed, everything was going okay in our life until a month ago, my wife’s close friend came over to our house.

I overheard their discussion and basically she was cheating on her husband and they were discussing about it, her friend said she wanted to stop cheating but also wanted to hide it from her husband for ‘his’ and ‘their’ marriage sake.

After she left I asked her why is she helping her and hiding it from her husband, she said ‘her loyalty lies with her friend not her husband’ I said it’s not morally right and her husband deserves to know, she said that her friend is going to quit cheating and nobody will ever know and I should keep quiet about it as well, everything is going to be okay.

I directly told her that now I am questioning her morality, I said if she doesn’t tell him then I will and my wife freaked out and said I will not, my loyalty is with her and hers with me and her friend, I should stay out of it and mind my own business, if I betray her by going behind her back she’ll divorce me.

I ignored that but for weeks whenever I brought it up she told me either to stay out of it or mind my own business or threaten me with divorce, 5 days ago we had a huge argument and I had enough so I said I am filling for divorce myself If I knew the kind of woman you are i would’ve never married you.

I left, but the problem is my wife is constantly texting me and calling me, she’s saying I am destroying our marriage for the sake of others, she just wanted to help those who are close to her and I am destroying her life and our marriage over something that doesn’t concern us.

Shes saying I am destroying her life because she took a huge loan before we got married to pay her siblings student loans and I promised to help her pay it and i bought my house before we got married so I’ll kept it, and alimony will be very less cause our earnings are almost the same.

I said that’s not my problem anymore, you showed me your true face and you are defending cheaters, but she along with her family and even some of my cousins are saying I am going too far, I promised to help her and I can’t back down and ruin a woman’s life when she did nothing wrong to me. So am I the a**hole? I didn’t want to lose her but how can I trust someone who defends a c**ater?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

petofthecentury −  All of her reasons why “you’re the AH” are because of her own personal interests, do you notice that? “I have debt I DECIDED TO TAKE ON for someone else, if you don’t stay I have to pay it back myself”
“You own a house I don’t so I’ll have to pay rent”. None of her issues with you dissolving your marriage have ANYTHING to do with losing YOU. For me, that’s enough of a good reason to leave. Good luck man. Stick to what you believe is right for you and YOUR life.

kitkat12144 −  She’s talking about her life being destroyed, but there’s nothing there about you being the love of her life. It sounds more about money and security than her feelings. Just something to ponder.. NTA.

acsistem −  NTA. Filing for divorce in response to your wife’s repeated threats and fundamental differences in values is understandable. It’s important in a marriage to share similar ethical views, and her approach to her friend’s infidelity and insistence on secrecy challenged your principles deeply. While the financial obligations and promises made during the marriage complicate the situation, staying in a marriage where you feel manipulated or where your values are not respected would not be beneficial for either of you.

Lofty_quackers −  NTA. In your eyes, she has a moral inadequacy that is a deal breaker for you. That is a perfectly valid way to look at it. And a great reason to file for divorce. Also, she keeps threatening to divorce you. Do you want a lifetime of that? If you are in the US, she’s going to really be shocked that most states don’t award anything for alimony after only a year of marriage.

OkLocksmith2064 −  NTA. Her siblings can pay her back. And you’re just married for a year – what alimony? So she doesn’t love you and is upset because of the money, not because of you. Wow, you’re lucky to not get her pregnant. Make sure the divorce is final fast.

NervousAd7170 −  NTA if she was so worried about divorce she would have threatened it so much. Plus do you really want to be with someone that doesn’t want a divorce just because she needs your help with money? Also a person that helps hide cheating is just as bad as the person that is cheating.

Con4America −  NTA. What alimony? If she works and you make the same I doubt there is any alimony awarded for a marriage of just one year. Glad you are getting away from this crazy person.

Puzzleheaded_Bet3455 −  Nta looks liked 2 divorce in the way and cheaters will enjoy single life together.

Your_Daddy_1972 −  Nowhere in her reasons did she ever say that she was worried about losing you, just her meal ticket. You’ve found out who she really is and she keeps doubling down on her moral ambiguity. DO NOT back down now. All that does is show her she can do whatever she wants and can still guilt you into staying

Brilliant-Car-2116 −  Get divorced. If she keeps threatening it, she’ll eventually decide to do it, from all the situations I’ve seen in my social circle. Save yourself the time and agony and put the relationship down.. She’s manipulating you.