My (29M) soon to be ex-husband seems to feel entitled to another chance with me (28F).

A Reddit user shares her struggles with an unfaithful husband who left her and their toddler but now wants another chance. Despite his pleas, she has moved on and seeks advice on how to make it clear that reconciliation is not an option while maintaining a strong co-parenting relationship. Read the original story below to understand her dilemma.

‘ My (29M) soon to be ex-husband seems to feel entitled to another chance with me (28F).’

My husband and I have been together almost 8 years, married for 2 and half of those .Last May (2019) we seperated seemingly overnight. He left me and our toddler and moved back to his hometown. There was never a solid reason given, just that he felt we should have never gotten married.

In July, he changed his tune and wanted to be a family again. He was still at his job in his hometown, so I decided I would ride it out at my job in a different city for a couple of months to build my resume and then start looking for other jobs in his hometown.

After 6 months of a brutal commute, taking care of our child during the week by myself and driving to his hometown EVERY weekend, interviewing, basically bending over backwards, I finally landed a great job in December.

A week before I was to move into the new house we were buying together and start my new job, I found out he had been having an affair. He begged and pleaded for me to stay with him, said he’d break off all contact, and I foolishly agreed to give him another chance.

Two days later while I was back in the different city and completing my last week of work at my old job, he unblocked her on everything and liked her pictures on Instagram. I was devastated. On top of that s**t show,

he kicked me out of the house we were supposed to move in together and I had to find a new place to live TWO days before starting my new position. We have lived seperately ever since. He has said and done so many hateful things in this time period, and said so many times that he wants a divorce that I’ve lost count.

Up until a month ago he was still maintaining contact with her. I saw her car at his house, took pictures for the lawyers, etc. and he admitted he had been talking with her still. I stopped doing the “pick me dance” about a month ago and stopped reaching out to him besides contact about our child.

Now he has suddenly changed his tune and is “desperate” to get me back and will do anything. He has unfollowed her on everything. Unliked all her pictures. Tells me not to give up on our family. I’ve moved on… I am not interested in pursuing another relationship with him.

He’s hurt me deeply and I feel like I’ve been fucked over by him so many times that I’ve lost count. How can I tell him there isn’t a chance without sounding like a completely heartless person? I still want to be able to maintain a strong coparenting relationship with him, so I am friendly to him, but he seems to take that as I want him back.

I have relayed to him my feelings, but they fall on deaf ears. He says he will never stop trying to get our family back together and does not want a divorce. I do. Does anyone have advice?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

OliviaPresteign −  You are not “heartless” for being direct about your feelings—and even if you were, why would you be so careful about his feelings when he cares so little for yours?

You need a lawyer to come up with a custody agreement. You do not need to be “friendly” with him to coparent effectively. You just need to be cordial and not disparage him in front of your child.

xtlou −  “My ex feels entitled to a relationship with me.” Filed under “How awesome for him.” See, also “‘No’ is a complete answer.,” You’re concerned about appearing like a heartless person to someone who not only acted heartlessly to you, but abandoned your child.

Stop giving consideration and concern to people who’ve gone out of their way to give you neither.. Here’s what you tell him: *Trust is one of the most important aspects of a relationship and you have destroyed my ability to ever trust you.

There can be no more chances because there is no more trust. If you want to prove yourself trustworthy, do it by being a good father and prove it to our child because the only future relationship we have is co-parents.*

throwaway246813572 −  Also I realize my old posts did not age well, I feel so f**king stupid that I believed him and didn’t think he’d cheat. Mayor of foolville checking in

czhunc −  How can I tell him there isn’t a chance without sounding like a completely heartless person? Why does it matter to you if his feelings are hurt by how you phrase this? You gave him multiple chances and he’s proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that he can never be trusted again.

Some part of him understands this. Just be firm about what you have to say and don’t engage him if he asks you for another chance. No is a complete sentence.

SweetPandaCookie −  Oh wow. Divorce him and move the F on

polo4ever −  I bet you the only reason why his tune changed is because he realized there won’t be anyone waiting around for him anymore. Don’t feel like you have to play nice because of your child. Get a lawyer to draw up a divorce and custody agreement and have his lawyer talk to your lawyer.

[Reddit User] −  He is pursuing you again because you’re suddenly not falling all over yourself to win him back, and this hurts his ego. He won’t change. Please stick to your guns because he’s going to be chasing after you even more the more you ignore him.

JadeSpade23 −  Wow, the gall he has to tell you not to give up on the family. You are giving up on being with ***him***, not on having a family! The nerve, I swear. That’s him trying to gaslight and manipulate you into getting back with him.

**HE** gave up on the family when he abandoned you more than once and cheated. Don’t worry about his feelings; be civil for your kid’s sake, but you don’t have to give him anything more than that!

[Reddit User] −  Just remember this. What would you tell your daughter if she was married and her husband acted like yours? He’s right. You ARE stronger. Show your daughter how a man should treat his wife. My mamma used to say “you don’t come from a broken home. It was broken, and I fixed it.”

[Reddit User] −  Divorce him and don’t give an inch on anything. He’s a reckless child who will likely try to manipulate you through the entire divorce – don’t let him.

Do you think the user’s approach to ending the relationship is the right one, considering the need for effective co-parenting? How would you handle an ex-partner who refuses to accept that the relationship is over? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/iQWwR