My best friend (20M) asked me (20M) out. I said yes. I didn’t know it was a date.
A Reddit user shares a moment of confusion when his best friend of many years, Noah, asked him out on a date. Unknowingly agreeing to what he thought was a casual outing.
He later realized the implications and now faces the challenge of addressing the situation without harming their close friendship. Read the original story below for more details.
‘ My best friend (20M) asked me (20M) out. I said yes. I didn’t know it was a date.?’
I’m an i**ot. I’ll try to keep this short. Also, I was a bit drunk when this happened. Noah and I have been best friends since 2nd grade. We live together with one other friend near the college we go to together. He came out to me when we were in high school. It didn’t change anything. When we got to college, I came out as bisexual.
Last night we were hanging out with some friends and I had a bit to drink. When we were walking home I could tell he was nervous so I asked what was up. He asked if I wanted to go out with him. He literally said “do you want to go out with me”. I don’t know why, but I thought he meant as friends.
Thinking back he made it really obvious it was a date, but I’m an i**ot and I was still a bit drunk. I said yes. He suggested Saturday night. I said yes. I left to go to the gym before he got up so I didn’t see him.
While I was at the gym, the friend we live with texted me that Noah was really happy this morning and she didn’t know we were going to go on a date. She congratulated me and said we make a cute couple. This happened literally six minutes ago. I’m panicking right now.
I don’t know what to do. I love him but he’s like my brother. I can’t go out with him. How can I tell him I’m not interested without embarrassing him more than I have to? I don’t want to mess up our relationship. We’re supposed to have lunch together in a few hours. What do I do?
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Doughchild − There’s no easy fix. Contact him and clarify: “Noah, did you ask me out on a date or are we going out as friends?” It’s going to hurt him regardless.
The less time you allow him to dream about this, the fewer fantasies he can build. Likely, r**ection is the end of your friendship, but it’s more fair that way than him sticking around to think he’ll eventually have a chance.
arcxiii − Be direct. Tell him you need to talk and in person let him know that you don’t have romantic feelings for him. Do it as soon as possible so he doesn’t keep telling others.
pmmehighscores − Apologize for accepting the date and let him know he’s like family to you and you don’t feel that will ever transition to something romantic.
I mean it might be rough on him but really you need to shut down his romantic interests ASAP if you want to continue your friendship.
Make sure to ask him if he needs some space to process this. Maybe spend a bit less time together temporarily that way he can move on mentally.
lalenavari − Go on the date, see if you feel something and then if not tell him you don’t think it would work out.
[Reddit User] − This happens often, best friends fall for best friends, especially people who are same s** attracted. I had an intense crush on my best friend when I was your age and she didn’t reciprocate and I knew that, but she was kind and respectful and loving to me and we are still great friends today.
We both feel very fortunate to have gotten through that nicely, it can happen. If I were you, I would call him and say hey, I didn’t know you were asking me on a date. I consider you a brother and not a romantic prospect. You are an awesome person and GREAT people will date you, but that’s not me. If you need some space take some space.
I’m guessing he will need space for a while and that will be good for both of you. This doesn’t have to blow up anything, just let him heal and turn his attention to other guys who do like him back and most likely it’ll blow over, as long as you keep treating each other kindly.
Pinot_Grouchioo − I’d say something along the lines of, “The relationship we share right now is one of the most important relationships in my life. I love and care for you so much, but I don’t want to take it in a romantic direction.
I hope that’s okay with you.” This would let him know you value him highly and lets him know the reason you don’t want to change the quality of the relationship.
HermitCrabCakes − I would just say something like ,”Noah, I wish I would have been more sober when you asked me, because now I feel bad, but i have to say: the idea seems really nice. but I’ve given it some thought & the reality seems like something I can’t go through with.
I just can’t stand the thought of losing you as a friend and seeing as we’re roommates.. I don’t want to complicate things. you’ve been around my entire life, I cannot envision a future without you. dating you puts that relationship at a risk that I’m not willing to take, I’m sorry!”
SpiritedMorningses − One thing to consider is that as he potentially starts to get over his crush on you, you may have to start taking on more responsibility for “maintaining” the relationship. I have had a few friendship survive unrequited feelings but have also had a few slowly fade.
The biggest thing I realized was that, whether consciously or subconsciously, the friend had been doing way more for me in the friendship than I had been doing for them.
Which makes sense, if you have a crush on someone even if its something you keep a secret you still on some level want to impress them or make them likeable or be the best version of yourself around them. But once a crush fades, you typically don’t strive as hard to always prioritize them, even if you are still friends.
And if this has been going on since high school, it may be that you have fallen into a routine where Noah carries more of the “work” that is involved in your friendship, whether that is emotional labor, logistical labor, time spent, etc.
Libra428 − Hey, I’ve been through something super similar. I was basically in love with my best friend and I told her, and she didn’t feel the same. She quite explicitly told me she probably never would.
Which sounds harsh (and it was) but she was equally explicit in telling me how much I mean to her, and how much our friendship means to her. I was super scared of losing her because she would find it too awkward to be friends with me,
and I don’t really know if she did find it awkward at all (Unrequited feelings are always awkward for everyone involved, I feel like) but ultimately I left that conversation feeling sad, but really really happy. I felt like our friendship and our bond was affirmed and even deepened by it! Because it’s honest!
Mention that it took a lot of courage to ask you out (because it did) and that you admire him in lots of ways (cuz I imagine you do, he’s like your brother!) It doesn’t have to be the end of the friendship. My best friend literally JUST texted me like 12 times while I was writing this, lol.
We’re closer than we were before, and even though you and your friend are two completely different people than my friend and I, I think this could be what happens. Just be honest and clear but loving, too. Your friendship has survived things before, and it can survive this, too!
LOLsrslythooo − Wow, this is really s**tty. It’s said and done, but dude… How did you misinterpret that? That is like, one of those most common ways to ask someone out that I’ve ever heard of!
Just apologize and explain that in your drunken stupor, you couldn’t comprehend exactly what he had said. Tell him you love him (like a brother) and that you’d never risk messing that up. He’s going to be hurt, but it’s better than prolonging this. Goodluck 🙂
Navigating feelings and friendships can be complex, especially when miscommunication occurs. Do you think there’s a way for this Reddit user to handle the situation without damaging their bond? How would you approach a delicate conversation like this with your best friend? Share your thoughts below!
For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/RtqdA