AITAH for only paying my own meal?

The OP met up with her group of friends for their monthly dinner, where one friend, Sarah, invited her sister Kelly, a single mother, along with Kelly’s four kids. Kelly ordered a significant amount of food for herself and the kids and then expected everyone to split the bill equally among the adults, despite the disproportionate cost.

When OP refused and pointed out that Kelly’s choices weren’t reasonable, Kelly claimed financial hardship, which led to an awkward situation where Sarah paid for Kelly’s bill. Now Sarah is upset with OP for “mom-shaming” Kelly, and OP wonders if she handled it poorly.

‘ AITAH for only paying my own meal?’

I have a group of girlfriends from my school days (there are 5 of us including myself). We try to meet up once a month for a meal and some wine or a few cocktails, due to careers, kids or other commitments we dont see alot of each other like we used to and our meet ups are a treat, along with the rare child free time to enjoy ourselves. Anyway, we met up last weekend to swap xmas presents as everyone had plans closer to the holidays.

One of my friends (Sarah) mentioned she had invited her sister (Kelly), which was fine. So we are all waiting for them to arrive and in they come along with Kelly’s 4 kids. Kelly ordered starters, mains and desserts for herself and 3 of the kids as the youngest isnt on solids yet. The waiter brings the bill and Kelly says to just divide by 6. I said no as there were 6 adults and 3 kids who ate. Kelly then got upset and started with the single mum card.

“Its hard at this time of year being a single mum, I cant afford this amount. Its ok for you, you dont have 4 kids to buy christmas for”. This is where I may be the AH. I told her not to use the single mum card as noone made her have 4 kids. I then said if she couldnt afford it then why come? And why let the kids order so much, they could have eaten more within their means, that its an expensive time of year for everyone.

Sarah ended up paying Kelly’s bill and we all left in an awkward atmosphere. Sarah rang a few days ago and said Kelly felt like I was mum shaming her. She said it wouldnt have hurt to just let it go and split the bill that one time, that what I did embaressed her sister. I said I wasnt mum shaming her, I simply have enough to pay for with my own family without having to finance someone else’s. Now Sarah is being off with me and Im starting to think maybe I was wrong. AITAH?

See what others had to share with OP:

Puzzleheaded-Rip8887 −  NTA. Kelly just wanted a free meal for herself and her kids. I’m guessing Sarah lends her money and pays for some meals and doesn’t see it as a big deal. But there’s a difference between siblings and someone you don’t know.

Turbulent_Ebb5669 −  I’m guessing Kelly tries that one frequently and usually people just embarrassingly pay?

Uropa_Hoppenstedt −  Why is this mom shaming? If I don’t have enough money to eat in a restaurant I just don’t go there – even more so when there are several kids I’d have to pay for too. The expectation that all the others will cover for that is wild – NTA.

chrisorwhatever −  NTA – What is mum shaming anyway. I feel bad when people can’t afford things like everyone else can, but people should still live within their means. I might see differently if she’d talked with you beforehand, but to simply expect you to all cover the additional bill is not ok.

Ok_Childhood_9774 −  If Kelly was shamed, good, she deserves to be. What kind of person horns in on someone else’s party, and then expects them to subsidize her and her kids’ meals? If her own sister wanted to treat her, fine, but asking others to pick up the tab is ridiculous. NTA.

SafeWord9999 −  ‘No I am scammer shaming. She should be embarrassed at pulling that stunt with us.’

Tattletale-1313 −  So your friend group gets together once a month or so just the moms without your kids… And someone decides to invite their sister and her four kids to an adult only gathering? That by itself is an AH move as you are all meeting there to have some kid free time for yourselves and to catch up.

It would be one thing if someone invited their sister to the Mom‘s/girls group, but her bringing four kids along completely changes the dynamic. Then she unexpectedly tries to guilt everyone to pay for her and her children? Because she’s struggling?

None of you invited the sister so you are not responsible for footing her bill. No one is ever responsible or should be expected to pay for anyone else unless it was previously agreed upon. This is just another case of blatant mooching and guilt tripping.

There should be a whole lot more shaming going on! This irresponsible greedy mother should be shamed for poor parenting, poor financial decisions (ordering far more than she can afford), using people, teaching her children to be entitled fools.

Inside_Major_8078 −  NTA- Sarah shouldn’t have brought sister or should have planned to pay. Why don’t y’all ask for seperate checks? Wait staff always ask if group or seperate checks. Can’t believe how this trend is starting to be a thing. Shows who the moochers are as they expect for someone to pick up their lack of of living within their means.

TheChibbs −  You’re definitely not the AH for not wanting to pay for someone else’s extravagant meal. Kelly should have been considerate of the group and not ordered so much. And using the single mom card as an excuse? Sorry, but that doesn’t give someone a free pass to be irresponsible with their spending.

CelebrationNext3003 −  NTA why would she bring her sister and her kids expecting others to pay her meal.