My[23F] bf[23M] told me to starve myself. Advice please?

A woman is struggling with hurtful comments from her boyfriend about her body, which have left her feeling lost and questioning their relationship. She has been dealing with PCOS and kidney stones, which have made it difficult for her to manage her weight and exercise.

Despite these challenges, her boyfriend’s cruel remarks about her appearance, including suggesting she should starve herself, have deeply affected her self-esteem. She’s conflicted about whether to confront him or if his behavior is a red flag for deeper issues in their relationship.

‘ My[23F] bf[23M] told me to starve myself. Advice please?’

I feel completely lost and hurt right now, and I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but my boyfriend’s recent comments have crushed me. We’ve been together for four years, and lately, he’s been making cruel remarks about my body that have left me questioning everything.

I’ve always struggled with my weight, but recently it’s been even harder to manage. I was recently diagnosed with PCOS, which has caused weight gain, and on top of that, I’m dealing with kidney stones, so I’m not even able to exercise properly.

My doctor has advised against running, and I can’t afford a gym membership, so I feel stuck. Despite all of this, my boyfriend told me I should just starve myself in order to lose weight. He actually said that I’m overweight and unattractive “compared to before,” which really stung.

I’ve always been self-conscious about my body, but hearing these words from him hit me harder than I expected. I’m 5’9” and weigh 190 pounds. I know I’m not at my healthiest, but I’m doing my best to take care of myself given the circumstances. Still, his words make me feel like I’m not good enough.

Yesterday, he asked if I had eaten anything, and when I said no, he responded with “very good,” which made me feel even worse. I’m trying so hard to balance everything in my life, but it feels like he doesn’t understand or care about the struggles I’m facing.

I’ve always been supportive of him, and I love him, but this just doesn’t feel right. I can’t help but feel like his love for me is conditional on how I look, and that’s devastating. I’m scared of where this is heading, and I don’t know if I should continue to ignore these comments or confront him about how hurt I am.

I’m not sure if I’m overreacting, but I feel like I need advice on how to handle this. Should I talk to him about how his words are affecting me? Or is this a sign that something deeper is wrong in our relationship?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

AlokFluff −  No one who truly loves you would say something like this.

Piilootus −  You’re underreacting. He should be your ex. There is caring about your partner’s health and there is completely disregarding that and only caring about what your partner looks like. Your boyfriend belongs in one of these camps.. This is abuse. Please reconsider this relationship.

ExpertChart7871 −  Your boyfriend has just done you a huge favor. He has shown you who he is. His love of you is conditional on your looks and weight. What happens if you get pregnant or become disabled? Don’t marry this man. It’s time to walk away. Being alone is better than being with someone who wants you to starve yourself.

DiligentPenguin16 −  Your BF is saying “I would rather you feel constant physical pain and exhaustion, suffer serious long term health repercussions, and *potentially die*… than for you to be a little overweight. Because how you look and make my pee-pee feel is *way* more important to me than your physical and emotional wellbeing.”

This is not what someone who loves or respects their partner would ever demand. **You are more than what your body weighs.** This guy does not have your best interests at heart and he does not actually care about you, please end this relationship so you can find someone who genuinely loves and respects you.

SnooBunnies8987 −  Your boyfriend is a**sive. I would never tell my wife (even when we were just dating) to starve themselves. That is beyond out-of-touch – it’s cruel. Get out if you can. Who knows what other ‘suggestions’ he may have for you.

[Reddit User] −  Your boyfriend is an a**sive controlling cunt.. You should leave him.

Loud_Credit_9157 −  Considering reading this made my blood boil, bros gotta go. And if you ever want a banging meal you’re welcome to a plate with me and the wife.

techramblings −  You could lose quite a lot of weight in a few moments by ditching the awful, unsupportive arse of a BF. Seriously, *no-one* says that to a partner they love and cherish.

And even if you do want to lose weight, that’s a discussion between you and your doctor/nutritionist to work out a sensible and healthy way to do it. Spoiler alert: starvation is not the way to go about it. 

randomdemo −  See that curb? The g**ter? That’s where he belongs.