How do I let go of someone I love? Why do I keep disrespecting myself to chase them?

A Reddit user (19M) shared his struggle with letting go of his ex-girlfriend (19F) after a breakup. Despite knowing that she no longer feels the same and that the relationship had its challenges, he finds it difficult to move on. He’s confused by his strong attachment and self-destructive behavior, as he keeps chasing after her despite the emotional toll. Read the full story below to explore his feelings and turmoil.

‘ How do I let go of someone I love? Why do I keep disrespecting myself to chase them?’

Gender: 19M and 19F

My gf 19F and I 19M broke up the other day, and I don’t understand how to let someone go. I just continue wanting to do everything I can to get them back, disrespecting myself in the process.

For context, we’ve been together for 1.5 years and we’re both best friends and dating. We’ve had many ups and downs as well as rough spots. It ended because she said that I wasn’t the right person for her. Even though it’s so simple, I just can’t wrap my head around letting go and I don’t know why.

I still feel as though she’s right for me and we can work through even though she says she doesn’t feel the same. I know at times I’ve stayed and tried to look past things that should’ve have pushed me away, but the bond of such a best friend and partner is just too hard to pull away from. Sorry I am rambling, I just really am not sure what to do.

See what others had to share with OP:

AnOutrageousCloud −  Let yourself cry. Let yourself be sad. Getting broken up with hurts like hell. Let yourself feel it all. I am so sorry that she doesn’t feel the same way about you. I know how rough that is. Give yourself time. A broken leg and a broken heart both need time to heal properly. But you will. People go on after losing their partner of 50 years. You will be okay.

ozperp −  Understand that how you feel is completely normal – nearly everyone feels that they’ll never love again after their first love; that they were “the one”. The fact is, statistically, they almost never are. And that’s OK.

Tell yourself that what you’re going through is completely normal for your age and circumstances, but that doesn’t mean that your belief that she was “the one” is true. If you have some people 30+ who you feel comfortable asking, ask them if they’ve felt this way. See how many of them are with their first loves – it will be very few.

You will be OK. You will learn from this, and move on. The next break-up won’t hurt as much. And if none of that convinces you… the fact is that she is done, and the consent of both parties is required for a relationship to continue. Continuing to pursue her is creepy, and potentially illegal. Don’t be that guy. The sooner you accept that this is over, the sooner the healing process will begin.. You’ll be OK.

imagine_its_original −  Once it’s over… it’s over…. your choices are:

1. Cut all contact right away… keep your dignity… maybe a year down the road she remembers you fondly

2. Not cut contact… annoy her… lose even more respect from her…

3. Continue to not cut contact…. have her block you

4. Continue to not cut contact STILL and have her tell all her friends and girlfriends that you are a c**ep or weirdo hurting your chances of dating someone different. The question is how deep a level do you have to go before you figure out to cut all contact

Kirel_Red −  You do it because you’re weak. We’ve all been there. Stay strong, find something to distract yourself.

Lost-cereal- −  It’s been a day bro, let yourself mourn the feelings. May take a bit, and that is normal. It’d be weird if you were just over it the next day.

Have you ever been in a situation where letting go of someone you loved felt impossible, even when you knew it was the right thing to do? How did you cope with the emotional pain and move forward? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!