AITA for Cutting Off My Best Friend of 10 Years After She Told My Boyfriend All My Secrets?

A Redditor shared how their decade-long best friend, Jess, betrayed their trust by revealing deeply personal secrets to their boyfriend, Ben. Jess justified her actions as an attempt to “help Ben understand” the Redditor better but didn’t apologize sincerely when confronted. Instead, she downplayed the violation, claiming the Redditor was overreacting.

Feeling deeply betrayed, the Redditor decided to cut Jess out of their life, despite Jess’s repeated texts asking for forgiveness and Ben’s insistence that they’re being too harsh. Now, the Redditor questions whether their reaction is justified. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for Cutting Off My Best Friend of 10 Years After She Told My Boyfriend All My Secrets?’

Okay, this is a bit of a long one, but I really need some perspective because I’m torn between being hurt and feeling like I might’ve overreacted. So, I (26F) have this best friend, Jess (27F), who I’ve known for 10 years. We’ve been through everything together – high school drama, family issues, breakups, and everything in between. I’ve always considered her my person, the one I could trust with anything. I’ve never had many friends, but she was always the one I felt closest to. However, things have changed recently.

I started dating my boyfriend, Ben (29M), about 8 months ago. Everything was going great until about 3 months into our relationship when I started noticing Jess acting weird. She was being distant, and I could tell something was off, but she’d just brush it off whenever I asked her about it.

She started making little jabs at Ben, saying things like, “I’m surprised he puts up with you,” or, “I don’t know how he can deal with your quirks.” At first, I thought it was just jealousy or maybe some weird tension because of the new relationship, but then it started getting more uncomfortable.

A couple of weeks ago, I found out the hard way that Jess had been confiding in Ben about some of the most personal details of my life, stuff I’ve never shared with anyone else. I’m talking about my past relationship trauma, personal insecurities, and family problems.

She’d been telling him things like how I struggle with anxiety, how I feel about my body, and things I’d told her in private about my fears and doubts. She even told him about a traumatic event from my childhood that I’ve never discussed with anyone, not even Ben.

I found out when Ben and I were talking one night, and he casually mentioned some things Jess had told him. I was shocked. I confronted Jess about it immediately, and she just shrugged it off, saying she thought it would be helpful for Ben to understand me better. I was livid. I told her that those were my private matters, not hers to share. She didn’t apologize. Instead, she said that she thought I was being unreasonable and that I was overreacting because everyone talks to their friends about their relationships.

I tried to explain to her that I never wanted those things to be shared with Ben, and that she’d crossed a line by discussing my private struggles with him without my consent. She still didn’t understand why I was so upset, and to make matters worse, she tried to guilt-trip me by saying that she was only trying to help Ben understand me better. That’s when I decided to put my foot down and told her I needed some space.

After that, she started texting me non-stop, apologizing and begging for my forgiveness, but the damage was done. I feel betrayed, and I honestly don’t know how to trust her anymore. It’s not just that she shared my secrets—it’s that she didn’t seem to care that she violated my trust. I’ve always been there for her, and now I feel like she’s trying to justify her actions instead of taking responsibility.

Here’s the kicker: Ben thinks I’m being too harsh and says I should forgive Jess because she was just trying to help. But I feel like I can’t just let it go, especially when she continues to downplay what she did. I’ve been debating whether to cut ties with her for good, but I’m not sure if I’m being too extreme. Am I overreacting? AITA for cutting off my best friend over this?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Low_Cookie7904 −  NTA. Take time to think it through. She crossed a boundary so you’re justified to cut her off. One question, is he her type? As the cynic in me says she’s jealous and wants him at the expense of your relationship. And he likes the attention and wants her around.

No_Jaguar67 −  NTA my question is why is Ben sitting around chatting with your friend about your personal stuff? He never thought to tell her ass to mind her business or ask why she was telling him all this stuff? That’s too intimate for me. They would have both gotten blocked. And not he’s defending her now? How long has he even known her? Yea, I’m not really trusting Ben.

Salt-Finding9193 −  She’s jealous of you. She wants your boyfriend.  She’s moving into your orbit by undermining you and forming a connection with him by confiding in him. She’s building trust and a bond. She’s just waiting to get the eye from him to make a move.. I’m not exaggerating.

She’s devastated now because you’ve stood up for yourself and haven’t bent over to her disrespect and machinations and also she doesn’t have the contact with your boyfriend anymore, she wants him and she’s panicking. . Don’t let her back in.  Your relationship with him has to be open and trusting from here on. Tell him that and tell him she’s not to be  trusted and you no longer want her in your life. Period.

If it were me I’d contact her one last time and tell her to never ever to contact you or your boyfriend again or she’ll regret it. (Or words to that effect.) Make her aware that the so called ‘friendship’ is over. Tell her you know what she was up to it’s not rocket science, ‘now f**k off you b**ch’.

Vegetable-Cod-2340 −  NTA. But im of the opinion that Ben is also in the wrong, and should probably be dumped honestly. Think about it Op, yeah your ‘best friend ‘ went behind your back and spilled your secrets, insecurities and all your baggage to your current boyfriend, probably to drive a wedge between you so she could steal him.

But, he listened to each and everyone of them for months and never said one word to you , he had to know she was doing something shady. You can’t tell me that he has a valid reason for listening to ALL your secrets for months, not saying anything?!?!?!? Its one thing if she’s confiding in him with her secrets, but she was sharing ops, and he said nothing, he was just okay getting private information from a third party?

Op, you are right to take distance from her, but this is a friendship-ending betrayal, and again you need to look at how Ben is handling this. Him defending Jess is a problem, and tells you that he doesn’t understand your side. Both of them were wrong and I’m not sure either deserves to remain in ops life.

Oh_Wiseone −  NTA – the reasons why she told your bf are irrelevant, she broke your trust and I would stay away from her. In case she is vindictive and might tell your secrets to others, send her one last text, “I need space from you. Please respect my privacy, just as I hold your talks in confidence. “ – something to remind her that you know her secrets too. You may wish to rethink the bf, because if he thinks you’re being too harsh, he has different values than yourself.

Novaembeer −  Like, its one thing to talk abt normal relationship stuff with friends but she crossed a major line by telling him abt ur trauma and insecurities. And the fact that she didnt even apologize and tried to gaslight u into thinking u were overreacting? Thats a huge red flag. Its good that u set boundaries and honestly cutting her off is completely valid. She showed u she cant be trusted with ur vulnerability. And wym ur bf thinks ur being too harsh? He needs to be on ur side here bec this is a major breach of trust.

facinationstreet −  Ben AND Jess need to go. She confided in him because she is emotionally insecure, petty and jealous. Ben sees no issue because he enjoys the attention and focus Jess gives him. They both s**k.

Sweet-Interview5620 −  NTA. Time to chuck both of them why the hell did Ben thing it was acceptable for her to tell him those things and not you. Just how much time have they been spending together. Let’s get it clear she wants Ben and is trying to scare him away from you. All whilst he loves the attention of two woman and he also betrayed you and he’s the one your in a relationship with. Time to chuck them both out of your life.

Tell her since she so clearly wants him she can have him since so is so desperate and pathetic she would betray you for a mans attention she couldn’t get on her own. Then tell Ben everything she told you as dirty as you can go. Then d**p him to and tell him hope he’s happy with someone he knows will betray him and his secrets.

Also he should know she just did all this because of the thrill of forbidden fruits and will drop him very fast when she has to spend any actual effort with him and it’s no longer a game to her. Honestly if you don’t drop them both you will quickly find they are having an affair behind your back. It already sounds like they have an emotional affair.

CuriousPenguinSocks −  NTA but Ben isn’t blameless here. He is talking to your friend, letting her tell all your secrets to him and didn’t tell you right away? Nah! You are not the AH here and nor are you wrong in any way, I just think you need to extend your ire to Ben as well. They both s**k and both can’t be trusted.

MTClarity −  NTA but you need to cut them both out of your life. If this isn’t a fake story in which case, YTA.