TL;DR my bf (28m) always chooses his friends over me (26f)?

A Redditor (26f) is feeling neglected and hurt by her boyfriend (28m), who constantly chooses his friends over her, even when visiting for short periods of time. After recently getting back together and spending a few days together, she only got to see him for a brief two-hour window during his Thanksgiving visit, while he spent most of the time with his friends.

During his latest visit, she was disappointed again when he didn’t invite her to a birthday party or give her a full day of attention, even though he had promised to spend time with her. To read more about her frustrations and how others might view her situation, check out the original story below.

‘ TL;DR my bf (28m) always chooses his friends over me (26f)?’

TL;DR We recently got back together almost 2 months ago after a year of no contact. We are currently long distance since he relocated for work and we do text everyday, ft maybe twice a week which is good enough for me since I do know he is a busy guy.

During thanksgiving week, he came to visit and i was so excited to see him and he was here for about 4 days. He does have a lot of friends here so I know that he’s trying to balance seeing me and his friends which was totally fine with me, but I only got to see him for 2 hours, we got dinner and drinks then his friend called and asked to hang out with him.

He did hesitate a little bit but I told him that it was okay, just hang out with them and I can tell he felt a little bad but I didn’t want to control him saying that I wanted to hang out with him longer since I know he has to leave the next morning. I did cry when I was driving back to my house because he saw all of his friends the entire 3 days but I only got to see him for 2 hours.

Fast forward, I got over it and moved on. Now he’s back visiting again he said he had a birthday party to go to on Saturday, i didn’t get the invite to be his plus one as I had hoped and I still don’t understand why since everybody that I knew was there, and they even went to the bars after which made me little sad so he said I can see him on Sunday (today).

I got up early this morning, took an everything shower, texted him I couldn’t wait to see him at 10am, no response. Texted him at 1:00pm, no response. Called him at 4:00pm he picks up on the first ring, says he’s super hungover, he’s at a lounge with all of his friends,

then says “but yeah we can definitely hang out later tonight” which made me super annoyed because why couldn’t he just give me one full day to be with him? I got annoyed, told him to call me later, hung up the phone and started crying because I always feel like an afterthought to him choosing his friends again.

I started to not feel well so I told him that I was staying home. all he said was ok then texted me again “can we hang out tomorrow?” and i know i wont get a full day with him tomorrow because he has an early flight back on wednesday morning.

I don’t really know what to feel or say. I would never tell him that he can’t hang out with his friends, all i wanted was just one full day with him. I don’t feel like he likes me as much as he says. Before he came to visit he was telling me how much he misses me, can’t wait to see me, etc but every single time he visits it’s like im forgotten until the last minute. I didn’t hear from him at all on Saturday, didn’t even text me that he missed me or anything. I don’t know what to do.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

cardcollection92 −  You’re not important to him.

arewethreyet727 −  I’m sorry to say you are not a priority to him. Please rethink this one sided relationship.

Nyx_Valentine −  Go back to being exes and NC. He doesn’t prioritize you at all. says he’s super hungover, he’s at a lounge with all of his friends, The rest of his behavior is already s**t. But the fact you had plans (plans he made knowing they’d be at bars and he’d likely be out late drinking), and he blew you off, didn’t respond to any of your texts…

woke up and left wherever he was staying to go to a lounge with his friends is s**t for two reasons…. one, he knew you had plans together and rather than trying to still hang out with you, even late, he went out with friends…. and two… he didn’t even contact you. You had to CALL him to get an answer. And then he doesn’t even leave his friends, just continues to blow you off.

The fact you weren’t invited to the party, despite knowing people, leads me to believe he could also be unfaithful. It’s super weird. It’s not like it was some intimate party at a house, they were bar-hopping.

eidrag −  It will continue like that. Don’t expect change from him, be the change that you want to be

floridorito −  You are so far down on his priorities list, the only thing below you is vacuuming behind the furniture. You broke up for a reason a year ago, probably not unrelated to the issue you’re experiencing now.

BlazingSunflowerland −  We prioritize the things that are important to us. He doesn’t prioritize you.

Dear_Parsnip_6802 −  You don’t know what you say? You say goodbye. You are not his priority. Most men in LDR would be so excited to see you and spend as much time as they could with you. He couldn’t care less. You deserve so much better. Tell him you want a bf who actually spends time with you and that he’s obviously not that person.

Bargle-Nawdle-Zouss −  You are effectively only his girlfriend while he’s in town. And he’s not doing a great job of being a boyfriend while he is near you.

Elfich47 −  What is the plan to make this not LDR?

ActivatingInfinity −  …are you sure this guy is your boyfriend??

Do you think the Redditor’s boyfriend is being inconsiderate by prioritizing his friends over her during his visits, or is she expecting too much? How would you handle this situation where your partner’s actions make you feel like an afterthought? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!