My (31f) boyfriend (31m) has a bad temper, we broke up got back together. I regret it and now I’m scared to leave him before Christmas.

A Redditor (31f) is grappling with the decision to break up with her boyfriend (31m), who has a bad temper and lacks empathy. Despite trying to communicate her feelings, he has a pattern of twisting the conversation, making her feel overly emotional or sensitive.

After an outburst where he smashed his fridge in anger, she became frightened and expressed her concerns, but the situation has only worsened. With Christmas approaching and her boyfriend set to spend it alone, she feels conflicted about ending the relationship, as she fears the argument that will ensue. To read more about her dilemma and how others might handle it, check out the original story below.

‘ My (31f) boyfriend (31m) has a bad temper, we broke up got back together. I regret it and now I’m scared to leave him before Christmas.’

I’ve been with my boyfriend for around 1 year. We don’t live together. He has always had issues with empathy, I am scared to tell him how I’m feeling about things I don’t like as he will get angry and twist it to be an issue about me.

For example he wouldn’t cuddle me after s** and it made me feel like we were friends with benefits. I told him it made me feel like we were friends with benefits and he lost it at me saying how dare I accuse him of feeling like that.

Instead of apologising for anything he turns it onto me and I end up apologising. He has called me overly emotional and sensitive many times. A few weeks ago he got really angry and smashed his fridge as it wasn’t working. I got really frightened and told him I couldn’t be with someone like that.

His response was he is in counselling working on it and I don’t have to stick around. I said “okay” and he then ignored me for a week and said I broke up with him. I messaged him asking to get my stuff from his house. We spoke about it and I said if it ever happens again we definitely will end. I slept over and it just didn’t feel the same.

I want to end things but Christmas is in 2 days. He doesn’t have any family in the state and will spend Christmas alone if I break up with him but I don’t feel comfortable him coming to my family Christmas. I feel scared of the argument we will have if I say I don’t feel good about us. I don’t know what to do and how to end it.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

ShelfLifeInc −  I give you permission to do it the “cowardly” way. Pack your things. Anything you can live without, leave it behind. Say you’re going out to the shops/the movies/to drop things off at your parent’s place/whatever.

Leave, get somewhere safe, don’t go back. Then send him a text that you’re broken up with him and block him. He is a**sive and he is violent. Just because he hasn’t been directly violent to you *yet* doesn’t mean he’s a safe person to be around.

You don’t have to break up with him the “right” way, you don’t owe him an in-person conversation or even an over-the-phone conversation. You can just say, “I no longer feel safe with you. Do not contact me again. If I ever see you again, I will contact the police.” Breaking up with him this way doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you someone who is protecting their own safety, both physically and emotionally.

AnOutrageousCloud −  He said you already broke up with him. Why not just lean into that already and be broken up? His Christmas is not your responsibility. If he wants to be with your family at Christmas he should have earned the privilege by treating you well.

snorkels00 −  He’s a**sive, m**ipulative, and a n**cissist. Why stay. You should also seek therapy for why you went back to someone like that.. Break up move on.

kgberton −  My (31f) boyfriend (31m) has a bad temper. Instant d**p

Lurker_the_Pip −  I’m only reading the first bit and fear…. Has no place in love.. You need to leave…. Now!. That is all.

inlustris_ −  he is a**sive and aggressive — break up with him over text only after you have gotten all of your things out of his place. you are not overreacting. being afraid of your partner is NOT normal. it doesn’t matter that he’s in therapy — if you feel unsafe, and you haven’t seen an improvement in his behavior, the best course of action is to escape before his aggression escalates and gets put onto you.

spidaminida −  Stop caring about this monster now. He will make you regret it if you don’t.

sofanisba −  Do it over the phone. Change your locks if he’s ever had a key to your place. Try to have someone stay with you for a few days if you live alone, or go stay with family for a bit if you can.

If you’re worried about some unspoken rules about phone or text breakups, please understand that this is your empathy working against you, in regards to someone who screams at you for wanting care and consideration. Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever even had a fwb who didn’t want to cuddle.

Don’t focus on thinking about his anger or trying to suss out his state of mind. Figure out what he’s actually able to do and what he has access to regarding you and cut it all off. Make sure you’re not alone, have a friend nearby that he knows is with you while you break up with him. If you’ve left anything at his place, it’s gone, and it’s just stuff, it’s not worth further contact.

Christmas is just one day of one year of your life. There will always be something coming up that makes it feel wrong to breakup, and maybe for people who aren’t a**sive that’s worth some consideration, but not here. Better to enjoy your holidays than stress over some man who throws tantrums when he has feelings. Betcha nobody’s gonna get you a present that feels as good as the freedom and relief you will feel with him out of your life

Chili440 −  He shows no consideration for your feelings. Please return the favor. If you feel unsafe telling him in person, text him you’re done. Don’t answer your door or your phone.

doofenhurtz −  Babe, you can not be serious. D**p and block. Stay single for a while. Wishing you the best

Do you think the Redditor should prioritize her own well-being and end the relationship, even if it means leaving her boyfriend alone for Christmas? How would you handle a situation where your partner’s anger and lack of empathy are causing emotional distress? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!