AITA for telling my Mom that it was very obvious they never liked me, and that’s it’s good we don’t have to pretend anymore?

A Reddit user shared their experience of feeling like an outsider in their own family, where they were constantly mocked for their interests, which differed from those of their parents and siblings. After moving to New York City for school, the user found acceptance and support from their friends, which made them feel more loved than ever before.

During a FaceTime call, the user confronted their mom about their lack of support and emotional distance, telling her that it was clear the family never liked them. The mom was shocked by the accusation, but the user expressed that they no longer cared, as they had found the family they needed elsewhere. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for telling my Mom that it was very obvious they never liked me, and that’s it’s good we don’t have to pretend anymore?’

I never fit in with my family and they made sure I knew it. They were disappointed that I’m not into all the stuff they’re into, I have no interest in board games or video games, I don’t like fantasy or science fiction novels. Maybe when I was really little and I just wanted to “fit in” with my family. 

I tried to fit in, but they never did the same for me. My brother mocks things I like, my parents just watched it happen. Or even join in. My friend’s mom was SO nice and took us to the Eras tour. My own Mom just laughed at me when I showed her pictures of our outfits. I found a show I thought everyone might like (White Lotus) and they literally started just making fun of it from the get go.

After years of hard work I got into a NYC school and moved here with 2 friends and one of their cousins. I know in my heart this was me moving out forever. Even after just a few weeks of being here with them, I feel more accepted than I’ve ever felt in my life.

Well my mom facetimed to see how things were going and I told her it was amazing. I could literally see on her face that she just did not care. I mentioned that we were all excited bc it’s my first Christmas in NYC and we’d get to see cool things.

She kind of smirked and rolled her eyes. And I think that really broke something in me. Because my friend’s Mom that’s a f**king burnt out peds nurse literally made us a schedule of things we COULD do and see this week and asked us to send pics of the tree and eveyrthing.

So I said to her that it’s okay and she doesn’t have to pretend anymore. She said she didn’t understand. I said she doesn’t have to pretend to be interested or care about what I’m doing. That I know they never liked me and that they were happy I was leaving.

She was stunned and asked me why I would say something so horrible, of course she and Dad love me. I said you might love me, but I know you guys don’t like me. You never stop rolling your eyes at the things I say, you never show interest in anything I do, you make fun of me for liking things you don’t like. When I told you I was going to move to NYC you started talking about turning my room into a library.

She got visibly angry and said that I’m being dramatic. I said there’s a reason I came to NYC for school and there’s a reason that no one in my family tried to stop me, encouraged me to stay closer, and why not a single one of them asked when I’d come back. And that it’s fine, I don’t care anymore. I have the family I need here. She told me that I suddenly think I’m too good for my own family. I told her that she’s always thought they were too good for me, so I guess it works out. AITAH.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

ThickBarracuda7764 −  NTA. Sometimes the truth hurts, but if your family’s been rolling their eyes at everything you care about, they shouldn’t be shocked when you finally speak up. It’s about finding where you truly feel valued, and clearly, that’s not at home.

LesbiansonNeptune −  There’s no point in arguing with someone like her. She will forever refuse to see the truth. If you want to keep her around in some ways, keep her surface level. Saves lots of pain. Sorry you’re going through this but I’m proud of you for trying to stand up for yourself even if she’s too selfish to realize her own fault.

xanif −  Oh dear. She’s upset she lost her punching bag. NTA.

Rowana133 −  NTA. Protect your peace and block your family for now if you need to.

krismo113 −  NTA. It’s clear you’ve felt unsupported and marginalized by your family for a long time. Expressing your feelings about their lack of interest and acceptance is justified, especially when confronted with continued indifference. Seeking validation isn’t being dramatic—it’s a natural response to feeling dismissed by those closest to you. It’s important to surround yourself with people who appreciate and understand you, as you’ve found with your new “family” in NYC.

nilo1119 −  NTA. It’s painful to feel unaccepted and mocked within your own family, and your emotional response to your mother’s apparent disinterest and dismissiveness is understandable. Expressing how you feel is important, especially when your attempts to connect with your family have been consistently undermined by their behavior.

You deserve to be in an environment where you are respected and valued. The confrontation might have been intense, but it was an honest reflection of your feelings based on their actions over time. It’s okay to seek out relationships that affirm and support you, even if that means distancing yourself from family members who don’t treat you well.

lsp2005 −  Who is paying for your schooling? Be careful. Merry Christmas. NY is fantastic at Christmas and the NY and I hope you enjoy all of it.

Sweet-Interview5620 −  NTA well done to you on standing up for yourself. No matter what you do now do not reach out and do not respond to any messages they may send. I was the unwanted child which they took delight in telling me but when they lost control of me and my life suddenly they were on a vendetta to get back control.

I sometimes thing it makes them happy and to feel better with their life to make someone else’s miserable. So don’t buy it if they try to give you a none apology *“I’m sorry you felt that way”* No thats not an apology or taking responsibility for any of their actions. If they try to love bomb or guilt you now just block them.

I’d definitely be telling your school they are a**sive a nothing about you is to be shared with them. That no one but you can cancel your course or student housing. Best to be safe. I thought mine would be over the moon I was out their life. No they demanded I still pay rent, half my wages which non of my siblings paid, hell no. They also lost their maid as I was forced to do all the chores. So although they hated me they decided I shouldn’t get to leave them.

I moved hours away. Well they found out who my landlord was and asked them to rent out a large house to them. That I would be moving in with them so to move my deposit over to their new place. The landord did it as well. This was before the internet was like it is now and I had no idea my legal rights and young as I moved out at 18. They then got rid of most of their furniture as they knew I had mine.

That way I could not get another place with no deposit nor furniture. I planned to stay until I saved a new deposit as I had no choice. Then I was told since they got such a big place for my siblings, their loved kids to visit and their grandkids ,they couldn’t afford the rent. So I would have to pay 75% and would never be able to move out since they couldn’t cover it otherwise.

I lasted a month then walked away without a deposit and most of my furniture. I couch surfed until my boyfriend could help me get a flat together and went no contact for a long time. They did eventually have to move out and hated the place they ended up.

They kept trying to make me feel guilty for a few years but they did that to themselves. This is why a say beware as mine to,d me daily how much they hated me. For decades afterwards my dad blamed me as to why he left the city he loved and was stuck living in a place he hated. Yeah no that was all on himself. Toxic families can really be unhinged.

Fragrant-Reserve4832 −  Do you know when my parents changed my room. A decade after I left and bought my own place. Do you know when they changed my sisters? When they redecorated it for the grand kids. Talking about changing it when you said you were leaving shows exactly how much they want you there.

ohvulpecula −  Been in this exact situation, but in reverse. I’m a fantasy nerd black sheep in a family of jocks. Unfortunately, the narcissistic family system doesn’t require your parents to actually be narcissists, just emotionally immature, but yeah. That’s what’s happening here. You’re the lost child/black sheep. They won’t ever get it because they feel that doing the bare minimum of what’s required (feeding, housing, clothing you) is what love is.

But it’s not. It’s the bare minimum. People also need to feel accepted and loved for who they are, not mocked by the people who supposedly love them. NTA, your found family sounds rad af. But I do suggest finding a narcissistic family support group or therapist, and highly recommend the book “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.”