I (26 F) and my boyfriend (33 M) live in a house his mom rents to us, should I be acting like a wife when we split everything 50/50?

A 26-year-old Reddit user shares her frustration with her boyfriend (33M) of almost two years, with whom she lives in a house his mother rents. While they split rent and bills 50/50, she feels like she’s taking on an unequal share of responsibilities, including cleaning, cooking, driving him around, and covering his bills when needed.

She worries that he’s taking advantage of her generosity, especially since he doesn’t contribute equally in other areas like chores and laundry. She seeks advice on how to express her feelings without coming across as ungrateful. Read the full story below…

‘ I (26 F) and my boyfriend (33 M) live in a house his mom rents to us, should I be acting like a wife when we split everything 50/50?’

My bf of almost two years is gone a lot of the time for work so l usually have a 3/2 house to myself. Our rent is very cheap and he and I split all bills so this is a very nice set up for me considering if I got a studio on my own it would cost me at least twice as much.

I always pay my share, on time, every time and l keep the house very clean. Sometimes he asked me to help cover his bills or small purchases and he usually pays me back within a couple weeks. But sometimes he doesn’t and if I bring it up he says he just forgot.

When he comes home, he dirties up the house and leaves his things about. Wet towels, empty cans, beard hair in the sink. He eats everything in the kitchen, I literally have to hide things from him. He rarely washes the dishes or does his own laundry.

He only has a motorcycle so I frequently drive him around when he is in town and to and from his work. Frequently these rides are on a moments notice and 25+ minutes away. I feel like an i**ot driving around, buying for, cooking for, and cleaning up after a man who is not my husband all while we split the bills and I work 5 days a week.

I feel like my life revolves around taking care of him and being available to him. Am I being taken advantage of or am I being ungrateful like he says I am? How do I get him to see how I feel without coming across as being ungrateful?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

blumoon138 −  Girl I am married and I wouldn’t accept this behavior from my husband.

SunBetter7301 −  You are not acting like his wife. You are acting like his mother. How little he seems to care about taking care of, and thereby respecting, his *mother’s* house also says a lot. With that said, believe me when I say you don’t want to find out what actually being his wife will be like.

RosesBrain −  I feel like an i**ot driving around, buying for, cooking for, and cleaning up after a man who is not my husband I fail to see how this would be improved by him being your husband. In fact, I can’t see that doing anything but making it worse.

phelgmdounuts −  You’re not really splitting things 50-50. You pay half the rent, bills, do all the household chores and are his personal chauffeur….so it’s more like 85-15 on your end.

I wouldn’t even say you’re doing wife duties. Sounds like you’re his mother. I’ve lived with men in platonic household situations and romantic situations and I’ve never had to clean up after them as they dirtied up the place. They all cleaned up after thenselves. It’s like a mother following a toddler around. 

HappyDancin9 −  Stop being available. When he comes back from wherever he is, make plans with your girlfriends. Maybe get a hobby or join some classes at the Y or library. Stop being a doormat. Lay out your rules. You live there too and pay your share AND do your share of the housework. Why is he NOT doing his share? Why are you buying him things HE needs? He’s a big boy now and should start acting like it!

holliday_doc_1995 −  Those things are not wife treatment they are babysitter treatment. I don’t care if a man pays 100% of my bills, he can still clean up after himself and he can drive himself around. There is no reason that you need to be doing that.

Also I would be a maid for a living for someone else before I would be a maid for my partner. Being a maid for someone else is a job/career while being a maid to your partner is just degrading.. Please raise your standards!

laureezyf −  Throw away the whole man, are you dating a child?

notreallylucy −  That’s not the definition of how a wife acts.

ITsPersonalIRL −  So if you were married this would be fine with you? I’ll let you in on a secret: Being someone’s wife doesn’t mean that you should now be their mother. You are an actual full-on person regardless of marital status. Have you talked to your partner about how you feel there is an imbalance?

Poetbasegame −  He says you’re ungrateful… he is super ungrateful!!!! He now had two mothers taking care of him… this is not a relationship. This is a daycare job. D**p his ass and drive yourself to wherever you want to go

Do you think the user’s frustrations are justified based on the unequal distribution of responsibilities, or is she being too critical of her boyfriend’s behavior? How would you approach this situation if you were in her shoes, trying to communicate your needs without seeming ungrateful? Share your thoughts in the comments below!