I [18M] don’t know how to breakup with my Gf [18F]
One person from Reddit (18M) shares his dilemma of how to break up with his girlfriend (18F) after being together for 9 months. Despite a smooth relationship and a strong friendship foundation, he feels they’re no longer heading in the same direction in life.
They live together due to attending the same college, but he wants to maintain a close friendship with her even after the breakup. He seeks advice on how to navigate this sensitive situation. Read the original story below to learn more about his feelings and concerns.
‘ I [18M] don’t know how to breakup with my Gf [18F]’
I have been in a relationship this past 9 months with my girlfriend. We were friends for about 3 years before we got together and honestly it has been great. We haven’t fought over anything. If we had a little disagreement, we solved it the same day it happened by talking and sharing our mutual feelings.
I know some of you will judge me for that but we do live together. It was planned before we got together as we go to the same college (we also live with another friend). I currently just feel like we aren’t going in the same direction in life. As time goes on I realise we maybe weren’t made to be together.
However, I really would like to stay best friend with her. We understand each other so well. I guess she is my “soulmate”. I know wanting to keep contact as the dumper is a very common trope but I really do feel like we are mature enough to pull it off.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
JediBlight − She’s your ‘soulmate’, but you don’t want to be with her? Are you sure you know what you want? And sorry buddy, but there is no going back to being friends after breaking up, plus it could even be considered somewhat immoral, assuming she loves you.
AnOutrageousCloud − There is no going backwards in relationships. When you two got together, the friends phase of your relationship ended. If you break up with her, you will be her ex with all the baggage that comes with it.
I think you are completely underestimating how hurt she will be and how awkward living together will be. Good luck to you. You’ll need it
JJTouche − \ I know wanting to keep contact as the dumper is a very common trope but I really do feel like we are mature enough to pull it off. You are only thinking about what you want: to d**p someone and stay “bestfriends”.
You are going to hurt her so expecting some to stay “bestfriends” with someone that hurt her is not really a realistic expectation. Either she will just not be friends at all or she will agree to stay “bestfriends”
but still harbor feelings hoping you will change your mind and then you will hurt her all over again when later on that becomes clear that is not going to happen.
I know you want to eat your cake and have it to but it is not a realistic expectation. The mature thing to make a clean break, give her time (like years of time) and after you have both moved on, maybe you can reconnect.
M_Looka − There’s nothing more pathetic than someone hanging around their former romantic partner pining away for them and hoping they’ll change their mind. Please. Let her at least keep her dignity.
cloverthewonderkitty − It is not your choice whether she wants to remain your best friend after the break up. She could be devastated and want space. Since you live together with another friend as well and you are the one who wants to break up you need to prepare an exit strategy – save up some money and start looking for rooms to rent.
It is a really selfish thing to want to break up with her yet keep everything else in your lives the same. Make the plan, and if you don’t need it, great. But moving out to give her space after the breakup should *definitely* be an option here
FindingHerStrength − You’re never going to be best friends, stop romanticising this. You’re going to hurt her and she may not even want to know you any more let alone be friends. You’re only considering what you want and it doesn’t work that way.
Just put in your big boy pants and break it to her. Don’t sugar coat it or make excuses. As you say you feel like she’s your soul mate so I’m sure then that communication is extremely easy for you.
Be prepared for things to go tits up with the living conditions if you break her heart. So maybe start looking for a new place to live or a flatmate to take your place ~ just to be prepared.
Nyx_Valentine − What exactly is the problem? What do you earn by going different places? Because nothing about your post leads me to believe you WANT to break up with her.
FamousShoulder3262 − Have you thought about how this will affect your future relationships? What girl wants to date a guy who’s friends with his ex whom he considers “his soulmate?” Lmao
FJBP95 − However and when you decide to break up with her, she’ll need a better explanation than “I feel like we’re going in different directions in life” for closure. Make sure you also explain the issue to why you want to break up, and why you’re not willing to work out the issue with her, and just want to break up.
Also, forget what you said about “Wanting to stay best friends with her”. No matter how much you may want to, that part will be on her to decide after, not you.
hopingtothrive − Do you think she agrees that you are not meant to be together? Talk about it and see if she feels the same about no romance, just pals.
Chances are one of you wants friends and the other has romantic feelings. My feeling is exes do not need to stay friends with you. You can’t go back to being best friends once you’ve rolled around n**ed.
Ending a relationship while valuing the connection is a delicate challenge. How do you think this couple could maintain their close bond while navigating the emotional complexity of a breakup? Is it realistic to stay best friends after such a significant change? Share your insights below!