My (28f) best friend (29M) keeps is acting distant and keeps lying to me.

A Redditor (28F) has been friends with her best friend (29M) for over 10 years. Recently, she’s noticed his behavior changing—he’s been distant, canceling plans, lying about commitments, and prioritizing others over her. Despite confronting him about it, his efforts to improve haven’t been consistent.

The Redditor feels like she’s the only one putting in effort and is questioning whether to continue this long-term friendship. Read the full story below to hear more about her emotional struggle and decisions.

‘ My (28f) best friend (29M) keeps is acting distant and keeps lying to me.’

I (28F) have known my best friend (28M) for 10+ years now. Initially, we met in an online group and then met IRL when I moved to his city for college. We’ve been good friends since then and have always found a way to make time for each other, even though we live in different cities.

However, I’ve been noticing that my friend’s attitude towards me has changed. Basically, I’m noticing that he lies to me a lot. For instance, our friend group (we’re a group of four people) planned a trip to his city for a week (Monday to Saturday), and he offered to host us. I have travel anxiety and planning out trips properly helps me.

So, when we were making plans on what we’d do while there, he kept acting weird whenever we tried to decide what to do on Friday. He wouldn’t agree to any ideas and kept shifting them to other days. I even shared how anxious this was making me feel and he kept assuring me that everything was okay.

He then revealed, a day before the trip when all the bookings had been made, that he had to attend a party on Friday and wouldn’t be around. We were leaving on Saturday. So, this confused me because if he had told us that he’d be going to party, we’d have left on Thursday itself.

But he decided to keep lying until the last moment. This bothered me but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of a small situation. Things from my perspective have gotten worse, though. Every time I ask him to hang out, he says no and that he’s busy.

Then I see him playing League of Legends for 10+ hours the same day (his activities are turned on on discord). Since we are in different cities, hanging out would mean a discord call to catch up, watching a movie, or just playing games together.

And he does this every time I ask. If he asks me to hang out and I say yes, he’ll cancel the plans right before we’re supposed to start our call or gaming session. Then, a few hours later, I’ll see his Instagram story where he’s hanging out with other people.

Last month, though, he suddenly started talking to me properly. He was going through something awful and needed a friend. I was there for him as much as I could be. But then the moment the situation was over, he was gone. I have tried talking to him about this and he said he’ll do better. That we’ll make time for each other.

I feel like I’m the only one who is making any effort in this friendship and all I’m receiving is the bare minimum, and sometimes not even that. Whenever something like this happens, I feel so conflicted because I should be angry at him for what he’s doing and I am.

But I end up questioning myself and wondering if I’m such overreacting to this whole situation. I wonder if this is normal and that once you’re an adult, friendships just fizzle out.

I’ve even been contemplating just cutting him off but it’s hard to do because I don’t have a lot of friends and I’ve known him for so long. He’s always been an important part of my life but I guess he doesn’t see me the same way.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Emergency_Cherry_914 −  You describe him as your best friend, but perhaps you’ve never considered that he’s no longer your best friend? This friendship isn’t meeting your needs, so stop referring to him as a best friend. Stop inviting him. Or if he invites you, just politely decline.

WielderOfAphorisms −  He’s not a good friend to you, he’s a friendly acquaintance who likes to get emotional support at his convenience. Expand your friend group and don’t expect him to be at the core of it. You’ll be okay. It’s a weird part of growing up.

Wooster182 −  You’re expecting more from him than he’s able or willing to give and you give him too much. It’s time to scale back. Focus your priorities on other friends.

Manders37 −  I had a friend like this, our almos 15-year friendship ended in 2022 i believe. I see now she was an unfair-weather friend because she always came around and leaned on me when she needed someone outside her circle to breakdown with or vent to,

but on average she essentially ghosted me and/or was very wishy-washy, never kept me up to date on her life, and she always had excuses why she couldnt. At the end of the day, as much as she was a foundational part of my life, i had to accept that i wasn’t a foundational part of hers.

People tell you where your place is in their life, all you have to do is listen. It feels like grief to let them go, it takes time, and maybe you’ll do it in your own phases, but holding on to people like that just ends up screwing with your own sense of self-worth. Holding on to people like that is kinda like self-inflicted torture.

Flat_Health_5206 −  Friendship relationships change over time. It’s okay. You did nothing wrong. People just grow apart. Also, 29 year old playing online games for 10 hours straight? You sure that’s what you want to be doing??

kkmockingbird −  Sounds like he’s trying to pull back from the friendship for whatever reason (“slow fade”). You’ve tried without any real response so I would probably just move on at this point.

What do you think is the best course of action when a friendship feels one-sided and you’re left questioning its value? Should she cut ties or try to salvage it? Share your advice below!