I (33F) am scared my husband (34M) will hate me again during second pregnancy. How to I believe him that it’ll be different?

A Reddit user, 33/F, opens up about her excitement and deep fears surrounding her second pregnancy with her husband, 34/M. After facing overwhelming financial and emotional struggles during their first pregnancy, which led to her husband’s resentment and lack of support, she is terrified of repeating those painful experiences.

Despite improvements in their financial situation, she worries that her husband may still resent her and find her unattractive during the second pregnancy. She is determined to focus on self-care, but the fear of emotional hurt continues to linger

‘ I (33F) am scared my husband (34M) will hate me again during second pregnancy. How to I believe him that it’ll be different?’

I (33F) am excited to try for a second baby with my husband (34M), but I’m also deeply scared about how he’ll treat me during this pregnancy. Our first pregnancy was unplanned, and we faced a lot of unexpected challenges.

I lost my job, we got an eviction notice, and everything became financially and emotionally overwhelming. My husband was the sole breadwinner, and the pressure of supporting us while I was pregnant caused a lot of tension between us.

During my pregnancy, he became resentful. He was annoyed by my pregnancy symptoms, like food aversions and fatigue, and he wasn’t supportive when I needed help. I tried to keep things together, but he seemed to pull further away.

He didn’t want to hear baby name suggestions, complained when I bought anything for the baby, and even recoiled when he touched my bump during rare moments of intimacy.

The lack of physical affection and attraction was crushing, and it made me feel unattractive, especially since I couldn’t afford maternity clothes that made me feel good about myself. After I gave birth, things changed.

He took paternity leave, helped with diaper changes and night feeds, and seemed to become a completely different person. He apologized for his behavior and explained that the stress of the pregnancy and our financial situation had been overwhelming for him. He insisted it wasn’t about how I looked but about the strain we were under.

Now, years later, we’re in a much better financial position, and we’re both eager to have another child. However, I’m terrified that the same thing will happen again. What if he resents me during this pregnancy? What if he finds me unattractive again? I know I can’t handle the emotional hurt of being treated the same way.

I keep telling myself that no matter what, I want this baby, and I’ll make sure to focus on feeling good about myself. I don’t need him to validate me, but the fear of his actions still weighs heavily on me.

I want to believe him when he says it’ll be different, but I know that sometimes emotions in the moment can be hard to control. I’m trying to prepare myself mentally for this new chapter but also want to make sure I can love and care for myself through it all.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Piilootus −  Have you been in therapy after your first pregnancy? Either couples or individual. I’m currently pregnant with my first and I don’t think I could ever do this again if my partner had been acting like your husband.

I don’t think there are any amount of words or apologies that could make it better. Words are easy, actions matter so much more but he can’t exactly show you he’s changed without you being pregnant again.

Wise_woman_1 −  No one can tell you he’ll be different this time, not even him. All you can do is plan what you’ll do differently if he does act that way again. Get your support system in place in case you need them: child care for your first, therapy or pregnant women’s group for mental and emotional support,

gift cards for pregnancy spa treatments for stress and self esteem boosts, friends/family that can come over to support you if needed, etc. Hopefully things will be different as he’s learned his lesson. It’s great that you’ve discussed it at length and he’s repentant for his horrible behavior.

He’s not as young or as easily influenced because now he’s prepared for the reward this will bring but all you can control is having back up plans so you aren’t as reliant on him this time around.

HmajTK −  This is a terrible idea without any other assurances. Does he have a plan in place if he suddenly gets these thoughts again, or does he simply think he won’t, and you be damned if he does?

Acceptablepops −  Bro y’all sound like you don’t need a second kid

Eli_Siav_Knox −  I just have to say I don’t fully understand why any of his previous behavior was acceptable to you. I understand he apologized but that doesn’t make the behavior acceptable.

redhairedtyrant −  Your husband has shown you that when the going gets tough, he uses you as an emotional punching bag. Maybe the next pregnancy will be better, maybe not. But life is long. What if you get cancer? Or one of the kids turns out special needs? What if he gets an injury?

What if the economy finally tanks? What if he looses his job? There’s a million things that could go wrong in your lives. You’re both acting as if your last pregnancy was the only time you’ll encounter hardship. What if you died? Would he take the stress and grief out on your children?

Before you have another child with this man, he needs a better coping mechanism than abusing the people around him. He needs therapy and accountability. He needs a f**king plan for when s**t hits the fan.

Winter_Apartment_376 −  You need to talk to a professional third party. Because despite his apologies, it’s clear that this issues is not solved and forgotten.

Steelcitysuccubus −  Believe him the 1st time. Itll only get worse. Stop breeding with horrible men you deserve better

ManicPixiRiotGrrrl −  there are very few times where I am truly disgusted by a man’s behaviour from just one post but this is one of those times. what a disgusting man

throwtruerateme −  I can relate to so much of what you said. My ex got MAD at me for vomiting every day and lectured me that I must be eating the wrong foods. He even got mad at me during childbirth for being too out of it (as if I chose the medication dose)!

My heart broke when you said you can make yourself happy without him. Because that’s exactly the route I took. I never had a second baby but in general I tried to be happy and perfect in order to keep us together. Ultimately it did not work out.

He was angry at me all the time (even for things I had zero control over). I finally got therapy where it became evident he was an abuser and a few years later I finally upended my life and left. I guess my fear for you is whenever there is stress, you become his s**pegoat.

Having another child, but also a 1000 other things could come up in the future to bring that monster out again. I’m not going to give you advice other than, don’t ever stay with an abuser. If you’re not being abused now, then carry on I guess. But I suspect it will come back. Hopefully I’m wrong

Do you think the user is right to be concerned about how her husband will treat her during the second pregnancy, or should she trust that things will be different this time? How would you manage the balance between hope and fear in a similar situation? Share your thoughts below and join the conversation.