I 19/f have messed up my whole life and don’t know what to do since I dated my 23/M boyfriend ?

A Reddit user opened up about their complicated relationship with their boyfriend, who has a history of abusive behavior. Despite growing tensions, the user continues to stay in the relationship, even after experiencing physical violence and manipulation.

The situation worsens as the boyfriend controls her life, leaving her feeling trapped and isolated. Now pregnant, the user is torn between returning to her family, whom she distanced herself from, and staying in the toxic environment. To understand how others would react and support her in this heartbreaking situation, read on.

‘ I 19/f have messed up my whole life and don’t know what to do since I dated my 23/M boyfriend ?’

I (19/F) started dating my boyfriend (23/M) three years ago. At first, we kept our relationship secret because he was worried people wouldn’t accept it. Eventually, my sister found out, and after some arguments, my parents discovered it too. They were very upset, which led to more tension between us.

My boyfriend pushed me to stand up to them, and I eventually ended up leaving home, moving in with my sister for a week. After that, my boyfriend convinced me to move in with him, saying it would be better for me and that I wouldn’t be a burden on my sister.

My sister was worried about it, but I insisted it was a good idea. At first, things seemed okay, but soon I started noticing his anger problems. One day, I accidentally broke a plate, and he screamed at me, calling me useless.

When I tried to text my sister for support, he grabbed my phone and threw it against the wall. He later apologized, saying he had been stressed. The next day, I told my sister what happened, and she was furious, telling me to leave him.

I almost did, but that evening, he made our place romantic and begged me to stay. I foolishly agreed. A few months later, I went to a concert with my sister, and my boyfriend got angry because he hated the singer.

When I got home, he screamed at me, accusing me of acting like I was single and saying I would cheat. He punched me in the face, and I was so shocked, but he apologized, telling me his ex had cheated on him, and that’s why he had trust issues. I stayed with him after that, even though my sister didn’t want me to go back.

Things escalated when my boyfriend got a job offer a few hours away and wanted us to move. I was hesitant because I would be leaving my family and friends, but he promised we would be happier. My sister warned me that it was a risk and that I might have nowhere to go if things went wrong.

Still, I moved with him. After the move, things started to get much worse. He told me I didn’t need a job, but I wanted one to keep myself occupied. He got angry, saying it made him look like he couldn’t take care of me, and I gave up the idea.

One day, we argued over something trivial, and he punched me in the stomach and slammed my head against the wall. When I called my sister, he smashed my phone. A few weeks later, my sister came over because she was worried about me, but I lied and said everything was fine.

My boyfriend told her to leave, and I felt pressured to choose him over my sister. She was hurt, but I made her leave. That was six months ago, and things have only gotten worse. Now, he has sold my car, leaving me with no way to leave. While he bought me a new phone, it’s on his plan, and he controls it.

Almost every day, we argue, and it ends with him hitting me. I tried to leave once, but he caught me and beat me so badly that I thought he might kill me. Recently, he choked me, and I thought I was going to pass out.

I found out I’m pregnant, and I know I can’t raise a child in this toxic environment. But I have nowhere to go. I want to call my sister and apologize, but I don’t know if she will forgive me after everything that’s happened. I feel trapped and don’t know what to do.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

ZeroZipZilchNadaNone −  #CALL YOUR FAMILY!! They probably know the basic situation, and have waited for you to reach the point you’re actually willing to quit defending him, and walk away from the mess.

[Reddit User] −  Your boyfriend is an a**sive groomer. You can’t see it because he groomed you when you were near enough a child so you think it’s normal.
You need to leave him safely. As soon as possible. Reach out to your parents or your sister.

If they were against him in the beginning, and it sounds like they were then they had your best interests at heart. Do not say anything to your bf or he may use violence against you to stop you leaving.

Abusers don’t like their victims standing up for themselves because they don’t like to lose their power over the victim so he may well try any means to get that power back. Please do this as soon as you can without leaving yourself open to harm.. Good luck.

DisneyBuckeye −  You need to leave the house for any reason and go to the police station. I know you said you don’t have a car any more, so another option is to wait until he’s at work and call the police. Let them know everything you’ve told us. Call your sister and your parents, they will come and get you.

You obviously have access to the internet somehow since you’re posting this, can you email your sister? Whatever you do, don’t let him know that you’re pregnant. And honest, I’d recommend aborting the pregnancy because you don’t want to have any ties to this p**cho.

GuacwardSilence −  Everything your boyfriend has done is classic a**sive behavior. One of the biggest signs of abuse is their desire to isolate you. He pushed you to sever ties with your parents, then to move out from your sister and in with him, then made you choose between your sister and him.

He doesn’t want you to have a relationship with your sister because she can sense that he is abusing you and he knows she is a threat to your relationship.
OP, this isn’t your fault. Your boyfriend manipulated you and is a**sive and that is 1000% on him.

Please heed the advice of the other comment to contact a domestic violence hotline. Contact your sister or your parents if you can and make an escape plan for when your boyfriend isn’t home so you can exit safely.

Domestic violence only escalates and choking is a huge warning sign that this could turn fatal. Please, please reach out to a resource for domestic violence so you can get out safely. Do not try to talk to him about it and don’t let him know that you’re trying to leave. Your life is in danger!

CrystalizedinCali −  Call your sister. There’s no try here. Call her and have her come and get you and leave with her.

Resident-Trouble4483 −  File the police report at the police station and leave the phone he gave you at home. Tell them everything. You are young and unfortunately this type of thing happens. It isn’t your fault for your safety be careful.

CulturalAdvance955 −  Love, you have to get away. You have to find a way out. I’ve been there. The only difference is that he didn’t get me pregnant. You’re 19. You still have your whole life ahead of you. Your life isn’t over. But you have a long way to go.

I’ve been out of that relationship for almost 18 years & that trauma still has a hold on me. You’ll need counseling. But you have someone in your corner. I believe you’ll make it past this. You’ll live a life one full of happiness. But you’ll have to put in the work.

It’s going to be a heck of a journey/roller-coaster ride. If you ever need anyone to talk to, even just to vent or listen, please reach out at any time & I’ll get back to you. Try to reach your sister asap. If not, call law enforcement. The sooner you get out, the better. Sending hugs your way, OP🫂💙

alicedied −  First of all. None of this is your fault. He is an a**sive a**hole and he is trying to break you. You did nothing wrong, he manipulated you.
Next time he is at work you pack a bag with everything you need and you call your sister to come get you. She will answer.

If she doesnt you call a friend, a famiky member or even the police. The important thing is that you get out of there and you never ever go back. I don’t want to scare you but he could easily hurt you far worse than he already has. You tell him nothing. You leave when he is at work and you block him.

Get rid of the phone he got you, he might be tracking it. Your life is not destroyed, you are young and you have a sister who clearly loves you. It’s all fixable. Please call your sister and get far away from him. If you feel up to it after you have left you can think about reporting him for hurting you.

MaddestMissy −  Call tour sister. Apologise. Tell her everything. She will listen. She loves you. Yes, you hurt her. Yes, you will need to put work into your relationship. But listen, she will listen. She will help you. And I don’t think she will think twice about it. I don’t think she will make it a point first how wrong you were.

Your sister knows. She always knew. That is why she told you she will always be there for you. That promise didn’t change because you wronged and hurt her. Let her be there for you. Let her help you. And tell her how much you love her. How much you regret.

Even if that won’t be important for her for now, at first. She deserves that. Edit: and your whole life isn’t ruined. You can get away from him. You have people who love you.

You can’t imagine how able people are to forgive those they love. Truly forgive. And you can have a future, a good future but for that you have to get away from him, no matter what.

Do you think the user should return to her family for support, or is there another way out of this abusive situation? How would you handle a similar situation where love and fear collide? Share your thoughts below and join the conversation.

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