He told me he loved me before we even started seriously dating. Where do we go from here?

A Redditor shares an intriguing story about her budding connection with a man navigating the final stages of divorce. Despite setting clear boundaries, she was surprised when he professed his love early into their relationship.

Now, she’s left questioning whether this is a red flag or just a misunderstood moment. Read the full story below to uncover the details.

‘ He told me he loved me before we even started seriously dating. Where do we go from here? ‘

I (36F) have been talking to a guy (42) for a couple of months now. He has been separated from his wife for about 9 months and is in the final stage of mediation for divorce (agreement is in place, just minor details to iron out). I expressed early into talking to him that since he is still legally married, I would want to take things slow.

I have been a rebound/distraction before and I 10/10 do not want to experience that again. I told him I felt comfortable continuing to get to know each other, but I didn’t feel comfortable putting any labels on the relationship, or getting physical until the divorce was final.

He agreed and actually said he appreciated the slow pace, as he had some things to process and he wasn’t in a rush to jump into something just to not be alone. Fast forward a couple months- his soon to be ex completely changed what she agreed to? Which delayed the divorce.

We’ve only gone on a handful of dates, but we’ve talked pretty much every day, although we both work full time, and have kids, other responsibilities, and our own homes to maintain, so somedays It’s just a couple texts and sometimes it’s an hour+ phone call after. the kids are in bed. Things have been going very well.

We’ve been getting to know each other, we have a similar sense of humor, similar interests, a lot of conversation chemistry – we were vibing! I was PUMPED….and then today, seemingly out of nowhere, he showed up to my house unannounced in the middle of my workday (I work from home) and professed his love for me.

I did not say it back, obviously, and I expressed my concerns with the whole thing- there were many – and he doesn’t seem to understand that what he did was inappropriate. What’s shocking to me is he has not exhibited this behavior before, in fact, he has been super respectful of all boundaries I’ve set.

He doesn’t love bomb, he has been really understanding of my super hectic schedule, there have been so many green flags – followed by this massive red one. I don’t think it was intentionally malicious, but It felt m**ipulative to me and also unrealistic.

I don’t understand how you can love someone this soon – he has really only seen the good parts of me so far as It’s early on and we’re both still in the best foot forward stage where we are holding in farts around each other. 😂 don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about! Should I run for my life, or am I overreacting?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Bromelia_The_hut −  As someone who’s been divorced twice after a few years together (7+ each), I think he’s probably feeling lonely and hasn’t fully processed the break up of his marriage. I know you don’t want to be a rebound, but at this moment you are.

He’s technically still married and still going thru all the motions of the divorce and hasn’t spent any time by himself figuring out who he is outside of a relationship. I know this might be hard to hear, but he needs to spend time alone in order to properly move on and grow from this experience.

I think you’ve been there for him emotionally when he’s needed you the most, and you’ve also been understanding of his situation, so I think in his “broken”, “vulnerable” state, it’s easy to fall in love, do you know what I mean?

I don’t think he’s love-bombing you and it doesn’t sound like he’s a walking red flag, but again, he needs time on his own (and hopefully therapy or a good, strong support system that isn’t you or a potential, romantic partner) to guide him thru the divorce and breakdown of his marriage.

Sorry this has happened to you, and although you have clear, strong boundaries, I think in his situation the lines can be blurred. You don’t necessarily have to break up with him, as I think you’ve helped him a lot, but he needs to heal and grow before any serious relationship can take place…

However, usually, that’s done when we’re not pursuing someone right after a break up, i.e. being alone and spending time reconnecting with oneself.

wild_lively −  You should run far far away. And the fact that you posted this tells me you know that already. Sounds like he’s panicking about being alone once his divorce is finalized—many people react this way—and wants to make sure you’re still around once the papers are signed.

coffee_cake_x −  I’m less concerned with the profession of love—who’s to say that for him, it isn’t genuine?—and more concerned with him dropping in unannounced while you’re working to drop something on you.

I don’t know that we have some standardized timeline for feeling love, like I think we have a good idea of how long it takes to really get to know someone, how long the honeymoon period lasts, but love is more abstract.

I do know that interrupting your workday like that when it’s not an emergency is at best a yellow flag. He is a grown man acting like he’s in a rom-com.

fullmetalfeminist −  He’s only been separated for nine months? Girl run. He needs to be on his own for a while. He is 100% rebounding.

queenboudisha −  How do you feel about him? Do you find yourself falling in love? People fall in love at different paces and that’s okay. Someone’s gotta be brave enough to say it first.

My partner told me he loved me before he even asked me to be his girlfriend. I responded with ‘but you don’t even know me’. I already felt the same but I wasn’t ready to say it. I did say it a week or two later. That was three years ago.

He’s the most amazing man and I am lucky to have met him. So saying it early doesn’t mean it’s a red flag, especially if there are no other red flags. All that matters is if you want to be together or not.

busydo −  My concern is not him it is you. You are not in love with him, very obv. Don‘t waste eachothers time.

Not_Interested_inu −  Your situation is different than mine and my now husbands. But we chatted through the dating app on 6/8, talked for 5 hours over the phone on 6/9 and met in person on 6/11 (one month to the day that his ex wife of almost 18 year and him separated).

The divorce was the next month (they had no kids, no mutual assets so it was as soon as they legally could), and we were married 3/25. Nine months after we met and I have never been happier.

Again, different scenarios but maybe you should talk to him and tell him you’re just not there yet. If he’s looking for something at a faster pace, maybe you should just be friends. It’s soooo important that you’re wanting the same things at the same time. I can absolutely see why you’re freaked by his actions, I would be too.

ProfessorShameless −  Being exactly what he needs right now (taking things slow, etc) may have bitten you in the b**t here. If I had to hazard a guess, I would think that his wires have crossed between you having boundaries during his transition to you being super understanding of the boundaries that he needs during aforementioned transition.

He may have subconsciously inferred that you are someone who understands what he needs and is willing to work with that during a difficult time. And he’s going through a difficult time right now,

so his squishy human brain is trying to rally as much unconditional support as it can. Either that or this is all just a play to try and bed you. You really can’t rule anything out.

Far_Refrigerator5601 −  I think he’s feeling emotional and not dealing with his divorce very well-like someone else. While I’ve never been divorced, I have been newly single after a long term relationship and remember the feeling of wanting love, but also feeling skittish and being confused.

Hollyjoylightly −  I think there are a lot of really smart answers here. But coming from the other side of things, sometimes the marriage is over for a long long time Before it’s OVER, and you’ve already started to move on and heal.

I don’t think there’s realistically a time line on when you know if you love someone, and often when you know you do, it’s very difficult to keep that to yourself (like quite literally biologically!! Those chemicals are going CRAZY).

So I don’t know that I would stop seeing him over this one red flag, but I would keep it in mind for 2 reasons: it could be a sign of poor impulse control, and or it could be a sign of a pattern of pushing boundary lines. I would just keep it in mind the next time any issue arise to see if there’s a pattern of behavior.

I think you should look at how he reacted to YOUR reaction too, it’s natural for him to feel a bit defensive as that’s a vulnerable thing to say to someone just to be chastised for it, but was he still respectful and apologetic for you feeling that it was crossing a boundary?

Is expressing love too early a sign of genuine emotion or a potential red flag? How would you handle boundaries in a complex situation like this? Share your thoughts and advice below!