GF (25F) of four years is having doubts, did I (24M) make the right call by suggesting a break?

A Redditor shared a heartfelt story about his relationship of four years, where his girlfriend’s recent doubts and changes in behavior led him to suggest a break to protect himself emotionally. Now, he’s questioning if he made the right decision. Read the full story below to explore the nuances of his dilemma.

‘ GF (25F) of four years is having doubts, did I (24M) make the right call by suggesting a break?’

My girlfriend (25F) and I (24M) have been together for four years. We’ve always had a strong relationship, and I’ve been open about my long-term plan to eventually move abroad for a better job opportunity, with the intention of returning later to settle down and start a family with her. She’s always seemed on board with this plan.

However, recently she’s been expressing doubts about our future. She says she loves me, but she’s unsure about what she wants. She’s mentioned that her parents adore me and that even if we break up, she wants me to remain in her life as a friend. Lately, her s** drive has also decreased significantly.

I’ve also noticed some changes in her behavior that are making me uneasy. She’s become much more protective of her phone, which is unusual for her. She used to let me use it casually (I don’t have social media, so I’d sometimes use hers for basic things, but I’ve never gone through her messages).

Now, she’s often chatting with a guy until late at night. She says he’s just a friend, her gym trainer from her village, and they’ve only known each other for a year or two. I’m trying to trust her, but it’s hard when she once compared my physique to his,

suggesting I should work out my legs more because his are bigger. (As a climber, leg hypertrophy isn’t my focus, haha). After she left to spend Christmas with her family (we had this initial conversation about her doubts last weekend), I had some time to think.

I sent her a voice message explaining that, given her uncertainty, I thought it might be best for us to go our separate ways. I emphasized that I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t sure about our future. I did this partly to see how she would react and if it would prompt her to clarify her feelings.

She’s never explicitly asked to break up, but I felt like I needed to take some action to address the situation and protect myself emotionally. I do love her and would be open to reconciling if she genuinely wants to work things out, but I don’t want to be strung along.
Now I’m second-guessing myself.

Did I overreact by suggesting a break? Was the voice message a bad idea? I won’t see her for two weeks, and I’m worried about how things will be when she returns. I’m looking for advice on how to navigate this situation and whether I made the right decision.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

dr_shark −  You made the right move. Whether or not her and her gym training are doing something doesn’t matter. Relationship is already dead per your description. Move and abroad for the job dude. Go for it.

TinyLittlePanda −  No that was the right move, except that this should be a break-up, not a break. it’s hard when she once compared my physique to his, suggesting I should work out my legs more because his are bigger

Even if there is nothing between the two, this is mean enough to justify a break-up. The only problem with the voice message is that she can just pretend to ignore it, which is why I would at least call, but apart from that, you did good. Time to move on.

BunnyWithBuns −  Oh god not the gym trainer cliche.. I think you made the right move and I think you’ll have a lot of fun being single abroad

refrigerator-number −  No, that was the right move. Now just follow up with a break up. You deserve better man. 

Simple-Return-1596 −  In my opinion I feel like it was the right call, from personal experience, the second one person starts having doubts about a relationship, to me it’s already over, you should never be an option or a choice to someone,

I can’t say I’ve been in a 4 year relationship but I’ve been through a relationship where she wasn’t sure and this only ever made me feel bad and always anxious about if she was going to leave or not.

Also texting another guy and comparing his body to yours, don’t like that kind of behavior at all, I wouldn’t say it was a bad choice I’d just see how things go when she’s back

purpleroller −  You planned to move abroad for a few years then come back to settle down? When were you planning to go away? Next year? Two years’ time? How many years would your gf have to wait around before you came back? Another 2 or 3? Sounds like you’re running her biological clock down to me.

My thoughts are you’ve made her feel insecure with this plan. And she’s met someone else, gym guy, who’s told her he’d never go abroad and leave her waiting for years etc etc. It’s likely she’s been cheating at the very least emotionally. Have you ever shown any irritation about her growing friendship with this man?

Your reaction instead of fighting for this relationship has been to suggest a break. Sounds like you want different things. You have your life plan and she doesn’t have the same one.

So you probably did the right thing but for the wrong reasons. Don’t play these games to test how the other person feels. Because they won’t always know it’s a test. Likely she now thinks you’re breaking it off because you don’t feel the same about her.. Hope things work out for you OP

helpimheartstuck −  Hi there, I unfortunately expressed to my boyfriend that I couldn’t carry on with our relationship due to the way it’s going – miscommunication over text that I wanted our dynamic to change towards something healthier, but it was construed as a breakup.

Just as I was going away for Christmas for about two weeks. Some of it was around my own anxiety about someone else. I deeply regret my words and I am now trying to reconcile things. Based on my own experience, I will say that this may have been something best brought up in person.

At least I wish I’d waited, but I understand the urgency that can come from wanting to know what’s going on and where you stand in a situation like that. What I will say is the behavioural changes must be reflective of some shift.

Only she can tell you what that is, but it would need to be addressed sooner or later before resentment can build. But the whole comparing your physique to this friend of hers is really weird, and is an immediate foundation for insecurity to grow.

If she’s expressing doubts, it may be worth backtracking and getting a better understanding of where she is and how that aligns with your goals. But you shouldn’t be in a position of having to doubt yourself and where you stand.

CADreamn −  “I sent her a voice message suggesting we go our separate ways **to see if it would prompt her to clarify her feelings**.”
If you really mean you should break up then you did the right thing. If you did it as “test,” which is what your wording suggests, then you are wrong and being m**ipulative.

Either way, it would be best if the two of you break up. You’ve simply grown apart, which is understandable given the fact that you were so young when you started dating. 

moriquendi37 −  “I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t sure about our future”. Good for you. It’s not inevitable or just human nature to have doubts about your relationship – I never did. You are _very_ much underselling ‘chatting with another guy’. This is where I’d go from break to break up.

michaelpaoli −  make the right call by suggesting a break? Bit late for that. If either or both of you are talking about or taking a “break”, it’s over. A little space/time/distance, sure, whatever, but “break” or “hall pass” or the like, forget it, it’s over. Get on with your life.

Yeah, if the relationship is decent and you want it to continue, if ya’ll got issues, you work on ’em, you don’t go “let’s take a break” – no, that’s just an excuse to end it or start ending it while pretending maybe it’s not ending. So, y’all at suggesting taking break – just end it, be done, and move on.

Did the user’s proactive approach show strength, or was it an overreaction to a challenging situation? How would you handle a partner’s doubts while protecting your emotional well-being? Share your thoughts below!