My Husband Keeps Threatening Divorce, But I’m Finally Done – Now I Feel Guilty. What Should I Do?

A woman (33M) shares the painful decision to end her marriage after her husband (35M) repeatedly threatened divorce during fights, only to take it back later. After years of emotional manipulation and broken boundaries, she finally decided to move forward with a divorce, but now struggles with guilt. Read the full story below.

‘ My Husband Keeps Threatening Divorce, But I’m Finally Done – Now I Feel Guilty. What Should I Do?’

My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for 3. Ever since we were dating, if we got into a big blow-out, he would end the fight by saying he wanted to break up. When we were engaged it was “we should call off the engagement”. And now married, “I want a divorce”.

Every time though, days later he would take it back and say he didn’t mean it. And that he just says it to get me to hear him. I have told him what my boundaries are, that if he threatens me with ending the relationship again, that I’m out. Of course, he has said it numerous times since. This time was different.

During a huge fight while driving to a good friend’s wedding, he told me that he wanted a divorce. Was almost giddy about it. That he was so happy to finally say it and that he was done. As soon as we got to the hotel, he got out of the car, grabbed his stuff and left.

I didn’t hear from or see him again until I was back home 6 hours away, 2 days later. Soon after I walk in, he says “now that things have calmed down, I’d like to talk and figure out how we can find a path forward”. This is after a whole weekend of the last thing me hearing him say was “I want a divorce”.

That is when I told him I couldn’t do this anymore. That having the threat of divorce brought up this many times is too damaging. That I have lost faith in our relationship. Now that we are moving forward with the divorce, I can’t help but feel guilty.

Even though he would threaten me with divorce, I’m the one who needed to pull the trigger. Killing the life we’ve built together. There were other not great things as well (breaking my boundaries, not validating my emotions,

telling me I don’t actually feel the way I feel and it’s just to make him feel bad, that I’m m**ipulative and that he knows me better than I know myself). And although it might not seem it, we really did have a pretty happy life a lot of the time. Maybe I was just lying to myself. I just hope I’m making the right decision for me.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Shelby_the_Turd −  Yeah it’s a manipulation tactic to hold the relationship hostage. Once you call him on it, he has no leverage. I wouldn’t feel guilty about ending it with a guy like him.

YouKnowYourCrazy −  He just disappeared on you for a weekend? When you were supposed to be at a wedding together? No mate, absolutely not. You might be pulling the plug but he’s the one that put the relationship on life support. I’m surprised you put up with it this long. That’s emotional abuse.

Unique-Assumption619 −  Nah he was being emotionally a**sive and m**ipulative. He wants you to feel guilty about whatever so he’s threatening divorce and that’s just childish. You will be so so so much better off without this man child who throws tantrums instead of having healthy communication.

eefr −  Threatening to breakup with you just to get leverage in a fight is m**ipulative and a**sive. That’s completely unacceptable.
So are all of the other things you describe in your last paragraph.

Your husband is emotionally a**sive and you are making the right call. Get out and find someone who treats you with love and kindness, not abuse. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Other_Brain_9705 −  You’re doing the right thing and I hope you find someone who doesn’t make you insecure in your relationship.

GuyWhoKnowsMoreThanU −  Yeah nah. Don’t negotiate with terrorists applies a little differently in marriage. They bring up divorce? Show them the door.

Spare_Ad_9657 −  WTF was he doing while “disappeared” for the weekend. It’s almost like he picked a fight, stormed off and had a “free weekend”. 🤔

Starry-Dust4444 −  He declared he wanted a divorce & stormed off for two days. You aren’t the one who ended the marriage. All you’re doing is declining to fight for it anymore.

HypotheticalParallel −  He is super m**ipulative. You made the right call. Your relationship wasn’t killed by you. If anything it was like you and your husband working together trying to save an injured patient (the relationship)

and he was incompetently doing damage where you’re trying to stop the bleeding. His verbal abuse killed the relationship, you merely acknowledged its demise with an actual divorce.

travel-eat-repeat- −  Could you forever live in fear that conflict is detrimental to your relationship? Conflict happens in any kind of human relationship. Your husband is incredibly wrong to use threats as ‘tools’ during conflict.

It’s up to you if you want to divorce over it. But truly think about if you can accept this behavior from him forever. Because it sounds like it will not change. You get to decide your personal boundaries and deal breakers. It’s okay to say that this is or isn’t one.

Ending a relationship after years of emotional strain is never easy, especially when guilt follows the decision. What steps do you think she should take to rebuild her emotional well-being and move forward? Share your advice and thoughts below.