My (20F) boyfriend (19M) has a secret tiktok where he posts behind my back saying how he missed his ex. Do I end our relationship over this?

A Reddit user (20F) is grappling with the discovery that her boyfriend (19M) has a secret TikTok account where he posts about missing his ex and reflecting on his past breakup. Despite previously assuring her that he didn’t miss his ex and would never go back to her, the posts have sparked doubts and insecurities about whether she is just a replacement.

The user is torn between addressing the situation with him and risking conflict, or ending the relationship altogether. Read the full story below to see how she navigates this dilemma and the emotional turmoil it has caused.

‘ My (20F) boyfriend (19M) has a secret tiktok where he posts behind my back saying how he missed his ex. Do I end our relationship over this?’

My boyfriend (19M) and I (20F) have been together for almost ten months now. I’m pretty good at finding out information on social media and I found his secret tiktok account months ago, but he never posted anything about it so I never thought much of it and thought he wanted an account where he can repost without judgement.

However, I went to go look at it the other day, and realized he started to post tiktoks (faceless) talking about his breakup (with his ex) and how that made him feel and how heartbroken he is.

I am a really anxious person so we’ve talked about his ex before (before this all happened) and he said that he doesn’t miss his ex and thay he would never go back to her. But there was a voice in the back of my mind saying how he always wanted her and not me.

And now since he’s posting about how “he’s thinking of what could’ve been” I can’t help but feel I’m a replacement for her and that I won’t be good enough. We work together so i don’t want to mess up our work dynamic as well.

Is this my anxiety working against me ? I feel like if I bring it up it’s gonna start an argument because I knew his about his secret account (but should he have had one to begin with?) Do I break up with him or hear him out?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Azerate2016 −  Yea, probably. Dude’s an immature kid not ready for any relationship at all, and certainly not another one after his ex.

silverencat −  Lemme rephrase your question, do you have a spine and a hint of self-respect?

CrazyLeadership5397 −  Break up with him. You aren’t a replacement but a bookmark. If she contacted him tomorrow, he’d be gone. Don’t settle as his second choice. Break up with him and move on. Updateme 

Top_Organization5417 −  Yeah, you break up with him. He’s not keeping this to himself, he’s putting it out there for everyone to see and hear. He’s not a keeper!

Unsolicitedadvice13 −  You don’t need to bring it up. You don’t need to ask him why. There’s never going to be a reason good enough as to why. He’s posting about missing his ex. Whether it’s for internet clout or it’s true doesn’t matter. The fact is he’s putting it out there that you’re not the one he wants and he’s hiding it from you. You’re only 20. Move on and find someone that actually loves and respects you enough to not have secret social media

Super_Chicken22 −  Let me put it to you this way – what do you gain by continuing to stay with a m**on who love bombs his ex’s.? Just curious if you think there is an upside.

PressureCritical9297 −  As a person who stayed with a man knowing he was still in love with someone else…. I hurt myself so much by doing that. And we also work together. And now I’m stuck trying to dig myself out of this hole.

He would lie to me about how he felt about her but his actions about her and towards her were far more loving than they were towards me. i always knew he would leave me if she wanted him back, but it was confirmed when he told a mutual friend that he would.

jetblakc −  I would say you should have broke up with him yesterday. Not only is this not a good boyfriend for you making that tiktok is a weird thing for him to do even if he was single.

spawn3887 −  Why wouldn’t you end it over this?

Mitten-65 −  Did I read that correctly—he’s posting about missing his ex and you’re conflicted about whether to break up. Why? Girl walk away and never look back. Also do not date co workers. When stuff goes wrong ( and it usually does) you have caused problems in both your home life and work life. People will choose up sides. It’s inevitable. Friendships will end. Hostility will arise within the work place. It’s just drama, drama, drama.

Do you think the user should address her boyfriend’s secret TikTok posts and the emotional fallout from this discovery, or is it a sign that the relationship might not be as healthy as it seems? How would you handle a situation where your partner is still emotionally tied to their ex? Share your thoughts and advice below!