AITA for “choosing” my friends over my family?

A Redditor (26) has planned to help two friends by taking care of their dog over the holiday season, as their friends are away. Despite planning to visit family for Christmas and New Year’s, the Redditor’s parents are upset, claiming that they are prioritizing their friends over family and making critical comments about the decision.

The Redditor’s parents also expressed concerns about the Redditor’s relationship with their partner, warning them about expanding the family during the holidays. The Redditor wonders if they are in the wrong for supporting their friends. Read the full story below to decide if the Redditor’s decision is justified.

‘ AITA for “choosing” my friends over my family?’

This holiday season, two of my friends asked for my help to take care of their house and dog since they’re both from out of town and will be away. My partner (26) is on board with staying at their house during this time and visiting our families for Christmas and New Year’s, as we had planned.

My friends treat their dog like their child, and she has very specific needs — she can’t be left alone for long periods of time. My parents, however, aren’t happy about me helping them out, even though I would still see my family on the holidays and would visit them on several days. They’ve started making comments as if I’m giving my friends more importance than them. They’ve even said things like, “It’s just a dog, it’s not worth staying overnight to take care of her.”

After that conversation, they began brainstorming gifts for my brother’s dog, who is also treated like a daughter by him and his partner, in a loving and affectionate way. Then, my parents warned me to be careful with my relationship and not to “expand the family” during the holidays.

My partner and I are responsible, despite what they think, and we always use protection. They assume we’re being reckless, but we’ve been together for 9 years and don’t have children yet. So, am I the bad one for deciding to support my friends?

See what others had to share with OP:

oliviamrow −  Your parents seem a tad unhinged.

• The plan was to see you over the holidays, but less than they want, and they think that harassing, insulting, and manipulating you with guilt trips will convince you to spend more time with them?
  
•  You are I assume in roughly your mid-twenties like your partner, but your parents are trying to dictate your s**ual and reproductive plans, and apropos of nothing?
  
•  Your parents at present seem more affectionate towards your brother’s dog than you?

Why are you spending time with these people at all? I agree with the other commenter, put them on time-out for this year’s holiday and do your own thing. You are fully-fledged adults who can make your own plans, and if they don’t like your plans, they don’t have to be a part of them.

To be clear, it’s one thing for parents to be disappointed and maybe even express a little disappointment at seeing their adult child less than they’d like. That’s pretty normal and understandable. But *your* parents’ reaction is m**ipulative, controlling, and toxic. You don’t need to put up with it; you can and deserve to live your adult lives the way you want to.

_s1m0n_s3z −  Skip xmas at whiny mom’s this year. Tell her you’ll come some year when she’s not pouting. NTA.

AndrosGirl −  NTA. For whatever reason, your parents sound like they are jealous of your friends. It’s them, not you.

ThePhilV −  NTA. I feel like there have been a lot of these “My parents expect me to make them my priority” posts from people in their 20’s and 30’s lately, and like…Gen X, are you ok? I know your parents made you grow up way too fast by totally neglecting you, but that doesn’t mean you have to do the exact opposite to your kids and make them miserable with not letting them grow up at all.

So let me get this straight – your parents decided FOR YOU that you will be staying at their house overnight, and then started talking about how they’ve decided what your f**k schedule can be? They need to take several seats. This is none of their business, and it is NOT okay for them to be acting like this.

You make your decisions for when you see them, how long you stay there, and what your sleeping arrangements are. And yes, you do get to decide when and how you get to have s** when you’re in your mid twenties – this really REALLY shouldn’t have to be said. Your parents have less than zero boundaries, and you NEED to put your walls up. If you cave at all now, this will start to become an entrenched pattern for your entire adulthood.

fhornung −  Children grow away from their parents. It’s only natural. We as parents need to be better at letting our kids become independent. It always sucks when my kids can’t be home for Christmas. But we manage and get to see them other times of the year. Just spend breakfast or dinner with your folks. That’s really all that’s necessary.

Glad_Performer_7531 −  put your foot down and dont bother spending time with them and create your own christmas and holiday spirit traditions. u can tell them when they stop dictating how you are to live your life and judge it you wont be spending the time with them.

Historical-State5110 −  INFO: how old are you? 

swoopingturtle −  NTA. Tell your parents if they say anything else about it you won’t be seeing them at all.

mlc885 −  NTA. There are only so many holidays you can spend with your family, but you are young and you will be able to see them a bit. This isn’t a disaster, and the pet needs someone.