AITA for telling my girlfriend I don’t want to be near her if she has bed bugs?

A Redditor (M27) was having lunch with his girlfriend (F25) when she mentioned having random bites on her inner thigh, which she thought were from fleas. After doing some research, the Redditor suggested they might be bed bug bites and told her that if she had bed bugs, he wouldn’t want to be near her because he feared bringing the bugs home. His girlfriend felt hurt by his response, claiming it made her feel gross and pushed her away. The Redditor wonders if he was wrong for saying this. Read the full story below to decide if his reaction was justified.

‘ AITA for telling my girlfriend I don’t want to be near her if she has bed bugs?’

So my girlfriend (F25) and I (M27) were having lunch together when the topic of fleas came up. Lately she’s been having problems with random bites on her inner thigh. She thinks her dog has been bringing in fleas into the house. So a quick google search I compared her flea bites to the photos on google and they didn’t really match up. After I decided to google bed bug bites. The resemblance of the bed bug bites and her bites were a bit more closer than fleas.

Now here is where I think I’m the a**hole. I then told her if she has bed bugs I can’t be anywhere near her or else they will jump on my clothes and I will bring them home. She did not like my answer and proceeded to tell me that I didn’t love her, made her feel gross, and I was pushing her away…

Extra info: We do not live together. It is not confirmed if they are bed bugs. I did ask her if she can check her home for bed bugs.

Check out how the community responded:

Lex-tailonis −  “She did not like my answer and proceeded to tell me that I didn’t love her, made her feel gross, and I was pushing her away.” Or maybe it’s that she doesn’t love you if she’s willing to give you bed bugs.. NTA.

writinwater −  NTA. You probably could have been more tactful, but bedbugs are no joke. You damn near have to nuke the entire block to get rid of them.

byrandomchance20 −  YTA – BUT before I get jumped on, let me explain. You would not be TA for putting a stop on spending physical time around your girlfriend IF she actually has bedbugs at her place. But you immediately leaped to handling the situation poorly based on Dr. Google instead of any actual infestation proof.

Bedbugs are awful. AWFUL. A serious and expensive issue. You’re 100% in the clear on your opinion of how to proceed if your gf actually has bedbugs. But while bedbugs don’t have anything to do with cleanliness, there’s a lot of stigma around them that makes people feel like they are related to poor hygiene and housekeeping. You needed to handle things with compassion and putting your gf at a place of ease and instead you jumped to the scariest possible conclusion and made her feel like crap. That’s why YTA.

You probably can’t diagnose bedbugs very well based on Google images of bites. And fyi, some people don’t react to bedbug bites at all so frankly you could have them and have given them to her and you just don’t know it because you don’t get bite reactions. Not saying that’s what happened but trying to put things in perspective here.

However, if bedbugs are at all suspected for any reason the both of you should look around for any signs in the places they like to hide. You should do this at your place as well on the off chance you have any based on the gf’s possible infestation. The bedbug subreddit is a good place to start as far as tips and advice for how to deal with these little shits.

Full_Pace7666 −  Maybe jumping immediately “I can’t be near you.” Was a misstep considering it’s yet to be determined what’s actually going on, but mostly NTA otherwise. I think it’s more than reasonable if you have something that people could catch or bring into their own home to keep a wide berth from others.

MalMM14R −  NTA. I am absolutely terrified of getting bed bugs so I don’t blame you for being cautious! However, they do take a long time and a lot of money to get rid of once you have them so saying I can’t be near you while you have them is going to be a long commitment.

There are ways around this though. If you guys are hanging out, always make sure to have a change of clothes that you change into BEFORE going back into your house and bag up your old clothes. Throw them in the washer as soon as you get home and this should stop you from getting them in your house. Leave your shoes outside if you can as well.

I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with her coming over to my house, but you can go over to hers or hang out in public areas as long as you take these steps to make sure you are not bringing them back to your place. Edit: I should have made it clear in my original comment that after washing you should immediately put them in the dryer on high heat for a minimum of 30 minutes as the heat is what will actually get rid of them not washing them!

Bloodthirsty_Kirby −  Oh I have a nightmare fuel story from my childhood. I was like 7 and I had this constant rash on my inner thighs, eventually my parents take me to the doctor, nothing helped the rash wouldn’t leave. Eventually the doctor determines them to be bug bites. For months I was living with a giant nest of spiders that burrowed into my mattress from the bottom! Got a new mattress and the rash went away.

Friendly-Log6415 −  NTA. You don’t hate her you hate bedbugs.

Supernova-Max −  I’ll gladly give up having s** than to get some damn bed bugs NTA.

PeaInternational9926 −  I once dated a guy with bed bugs. Didn’t know. I ended up with them. It was absolutely hell for months.

carmvael −  definitely NTA. i too wouldnt want to be passed some bed bugs. its better to be safe and prevent it.