My girlfriend (19F) has lied to me (25M) about her name and age, among other things. How do I deal with it?
A Reddit user (25M) shares his emotional turmoil after discovering that his girlfriend (19F) had been lying to him about her name, age, and several other personal details. After getting close online, they developed a relationship, but things took a turn when he found out she was actually 17, not 19, and had been dishonest about her background.
This revelation caused him to question everything, including whether he could trust her again, especially after she lied multiple times. Despite still having feelings for her, he is torn between wanting to repair the relationship and the deep betrayal he feels. Read the full story below to explore his struggle.
‘ My girlfriend (19F) has lied to me (25M) about her name and age, among other things. How do I deal with it?’
It all started when I met this girl online back in June/July, I’m from NSW in Australia and she’s from VIC. We got really close really quickly and started spending every single day together, calling each other all day long and watching movies together on Discord. We started developing feelings for each other and in September I asked her to be my girlfriend.
About we week or so into the relationship I found out she was lying to me. That was the very first time I caught her in a lie. Before labeling our relationship, we talked about how important honestly, loyalty and communication was. (For context I haven’t been in a relationship since 2021 because I didn’t feel like I connected to anyone I had come across).
I was extremely upset but didn’t break up with her, asked her to never lie to me again, that no matter how big or small it is, it’s always better to be honest. About a month and half or two into the relationship she lies to me once again. This time a lot more serious than the previous one.
We had plans for her to come see me in January 2025 but after this lie, she wanted to talk to me in person to show me that her feelings for me were real and that she wanted to make this work as much as I did. I give her a final chance and book her a flight to come see me for the weekend.
She arrived on the 21st of November. I picked her up from the airport and we went back to my place. That was the first time we had ever seen each other in person. We had a great time together when she was here and things just felt right as if whatever happened before could be easily fixed.
On the 24th, the day she was supposed to fly back home, we’re in bed and I caught a glimpse of her ID that was attached to an email she had sent to her university in order to apply for a course or something of the sort. I ask to see it and she quickly brushes it off. I pressed on it and she showed me, when I look at her ID attached to the email.
My heart dropped, I found out her full name wasn’t what she had told me this whole time and she was 17, not 19. This whole time she had told me she was half Turkish and had this Turkish last name when in reality she wasn’t at all. She had told me her birthday was in April, but it was actually in January.
It destroyed me, I was lost for words, didn’t know what to do or how to react. I asked why she had lied and she said that she didn’t like her name and that she lied about her age because if I knew she was 17, I wouldn’t talk to her, which she’s right about.
Later on the 24th I took her to the airport and told her we needed to tell her parents once she’s back home, her parents didn’t know about our relationship and they were under the impression that she was going to spend the weekend at her friend’s house for a sleepover.
Once she got back home, she called me and had her phone in her picked while telling her parents where she was and what she did. I asked to speak to her dad and when I did, I told him everything from when we met to when she flew back home. The conversation went better than I expected and her dad finished the call by saying “we’re very disappointed in her and I’m sorry about our daughter”.
This whole thing has gotten me crying from time to time. Going from being in love and being loved, talking all day and night to having zero contact. She’s currently grounded until late December.
Last time we spoke, she managed to find her phone which was taken away and called me, asking me if we could talk about everything once her grounding was over and that she didn’t want me out of her life, that we could wait until January when she turns 18 to talk about our relationship once against.
I haven’t been in love since my last relationship which ended in 2021. This has gotten to me in a way that I can’t describe nor fully understand. I would maybe try again in late January when she is 18 but at the same time I don’t think I should, she lied to me about so many things, little things, big things.
I don’t think I can ever trust her again. Part of me wants us back and the other part doesn’t, I’m lost and extremely depressed about all of it. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Check out how the community responded:
Weird_Bluebird_3293 − Don’t dude. She’s a teenager. Even when she turns 18 she’s still a teenager. Often the argument against age gaps is about differences in maturity level and life experience. This incident just showed you she is both immature and lacking in life experience.
Turning 18 won’t magically fix that.You don’t love HER. You love the version of her she fabricated. That doesn’t exist. The dishonest teenager is the real her. Don’t touch this anymore.
Zorbithia − Dude, are you serious? Get away from this girl, she’s already way too young for you.
QuirkySyrup55947 − Gross. Walk away. Inappropriate on so many levels.
Mundane-Layer6048 − ”I don’t think I can ever trust her again” Why are you even asking? WALK.
Bean-Penis − You’re 25 and your girlfriend just got grounded by her parents. Read that aloud, let it sink in, split.
OkArm6043 − Considering waiting till she turns 18 makes you creepy as f**k. 19 & 25 was already pretty dodgy but 17 & 25 and still considering speaking to her? What’s wrong with you?
Piilootus − Dude are you f**king kidding me? You’re seriously entertaining the idea of picking this relationship back up when she’s 18? A 19 year old is already too young for someone your age, just leave the teenagers alone.
Initial-Joke8194 − The fact you’re still considering pursuing someone you now know to be a child is deeply concerning, regardless of how the relationship started. I don’t care if she lied initially, you know the truth now and you’re still trying to be with her. That’s weird. Does it not gross you out in any way that you can’t even talk to her rn because she’s f**king grounded?? What’s wrong with you??
crimson-gh0st − Ummm, how does one book a flight for someone under a different name and them be allowed on the plane? Last time I checked the name used at booking needs to match your ID/Passport….Unless OP means he gave her money and she booked the flight this doesn’t add up.
Regardless, walk away. Don’t entertain the relationship.. Edit: fixed typo. Edit two: Apparently some folks are saying that it’s a thing in Australia to not have to deal with having your ID checked when flying domestically. Today I found out.
xiategative − Even if she was 19, you have *always* been in a position of power because of your age. You had to look up if it was a “legal relationship” cause she’s 17, nothing bothers you about that? she can get grounded, you know, *like a teenager.*
Of course she lied, she’s a teenager sleeping with a 25 year old adult, she clearly has many things to work on. End this permanently and date someone your age, you shouldn’t have started this in the first place. Please don’t be one of those “if she’s 18 it’s legal” type of creeps. And if it’s within your possibilities, therapy would be super helpful for you to be able to have healthy and honest relationships in the future.
Do you think the user should try to repair his relationship with his girlfriend once she turns 18, or is the trust too broken to continue? How would you handle a situation where lies have deeply affected your connection with someone you care about? Share your thoughts below!