My (F 27) boyfriend (M 31) got annoyed over brown rice – advice needed?

A 27-year-old woman is feeling frustrated after her boyfriend (31M) reacted negatively when she decided to eat brown rice for dinner to fuel her workout. She had been following a strict no-carb diet leading up to a holiday but felt weak during a workout, so she added the rice to her meal.

Her boyfriend got annoyed, thinking she was “giving up.” She has a history of an eating disorder, and she’s concerned his reaction could be encouraging unhealthy behaviors.

‘ My (F 27) boyfriend (M 31) got annoyed over brown rice – advice needed ?’

I think I just want to rant about this. So me(F27) and my boyfriend (M31) of 3 years are going on holiday for 2 weeks and we both decided we wanted to eat clean before we go, as we’ll likely be indulging a lot during the holiday.

So this means cutting all carbs (we don’t eat terribly in general, however we thouht we’d be ‘extra’ good). I’m not big by any means (50kg, 5’4) and I exercise 3-4 times a week. I went to the gym the other day and started to feel faint and weak after my ‘warm-up’ HIIT workout (which I’ve done multiple times before and felt fine).

I knew it was because I hadn’t been eating carbs which meant my body didn’t have the energy it was used to to get me through the workout. I therefore decided to buy some plain brown rice to have with dinner (fish and veggies), as that’s still healthy, right?

Well.. when my boyfriend got home and I explained the situation (i.e. that I wasn’t eating enough to fuel my workout), he was visibly annoyed and thought I was ‘giving up’.

I have a history of an eating disorder (which he knows about) and I’m worried that he’s encouraging behaviours that will bring this up again.
Just need some advice on what to do here.. is this red flag behaviour?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Isyourmammaallama −  IT’s very disturbing that he’s policing what you eat regardless

lughsezboo −  Yes, it is a red flag that someone who knows you have an eating disorder is manipulating you with shame.

RuthlessKittyKat −  Cutting all carbs is a terrible idea, as you yourself can tell by lack of energy. Whole grains, veggies, fruits- these are all complex carbs and necessary. I think the issue here is that you don’t need to do everything together and he can’t shame you for listening to your body.

hopskipandajump7 −  Would he prefer that you pass out from lack of nutrients?

DiggbyChickenCaesar −  Tell him he doesn’t need to eat any rice if he prefers not to, then ignore him. He’s out of his lane, he knows it, and he’s choosing to be an a**hole.

DrPhysicsGirl −  It’s a huge red flag. Also, cutting all carbs for 2 weeks is incredibly stupid. There’s nothing wrong with eating a bit better because you know you will indulge later, but a carb free diet is not it.

Usual_Bumblebee_8274 −  You said you explained it to him!? Yet he’s still throwing a fit? Over brown rice? It’s crazy & absurd that he even has an opinion but that he would rather you faint than eat something? What you may need in a diet may be very different than what he needs but either way, rice isn’t a bad for you.

Adorable_cookie_4577 −  Cutting out all carbs isn’t healthy as you found out due to lack of energy. Carbs are not evil. Food restriction like that is a very bad idea when there’s a history of ED. Your boyfriend is being completely unreasonable and his words are harmful.

Funkativity −  we both decided we wanted to eat clean before we go, as we’ll likely be indulging a lot during the holiday. someone with a history of eating disorders should know how stupid this idea was. trying to offset a period of binging with a period of (relative) starvation is in itself disordered eating.

I’m worried that he’s encouraging behaviours that will bring this up again. well.. whose idea was it in the first place? if it was yours, maybe he just caught up in the spirit of it and is now snapping in due in part to the malnourishment?

if it was his…. yeah, probably a pretty big red flag. eitherway, step one is immediately abandoning this cockamamie diet plan, including the holiday binging.

EtainAingeal −  You have a history of disordered eating so you already know that cutting out entire food groups is a slippery slope. His hurt feelings aren’t more important than your health and if he can’t see that, he’s not a safe person to be around right now.

Is her boyfriend’s reaction a red flag, or is she overreacting? How can she navigate this situation while maintaining her physical and emotional well-being? Share your advice or similar experiences below.