My (25F) BF (26M) got his mom a nicer Christmas present than me/ his sister and I got the same gift—I feel weird about this so how do I move past it?
A Reddit user (25F) is feeling hurt after noticing her boyfriend (26M) gave his mom a significantly more expensive Christmas gift than hers or his sister’s. Despite being together for three years and having a great relationship overall, the user has always had a tense dynamic with her boyfriend’s mom,
who seems to have an outsized influence on their relationship. The boyfriend’s behavior regarding gift-giving, especially after his mother’s criticism, has left the user feeling undervalued. Read the full story below to see how this situation unfolded and what the user plans to do about it…
‘ My (25F) BF (26M) got his mom a nicer Christmas present than me/ his sister and I got the same gift—I feel weird about this so how do I move past it?’
Hi! Title sums it up, but to elaborate; I (25F) have been dating my BF (26M) for about three years now. The relationship is great, we never fight, agree on basically everything, have same timeline for next steps, etc.
However, one thing has always been touchy: his mom! I’m very close with my mom and I think having a relationship with your parents is important, but his mom is definitely a “classic boy mom, like no one is better than mommy”. He doesn’t really seem to realize it, which is also bothersome.
Here’s a few interactions I’ve had with her: first time I met her, I made oatmeal-chia-banana bread (my own recipe) and added some other fruits because I was told she eats very clean and so do I, but she didn’t eat any of it, lol. Not a huge deal I guess, but I made it specifically for her so I felt weird.
A bit after this interaction, my boyfriend was being distant and I could just tell something was up so I asked him if his mom said anything about me. He was honest and told me that she thinks I want a ring on my finger right now, want to trap him, would follow him to his next city with no plans of my own,
etc—this was all said following the very first time I met her and gave no indication of any of those things to her, and actually did the opposite like I told her my career goals/ getting a masters degree.
I was frustrated that he switched up on me because of things his mom said, things I have never said/ or even indicated to him. I told him that all of those things she said are untrue and if I wanted those things, I would have just said it.
Second time I met her was at a dinner and she was very distant/ not talking to me (it was a 4 person dinner, like her husband, her son, and me), and then the third time I met her, we went to her sons concert and she knew that I was going to, but got separate seats for she and her husband so I was sitting alone. There’s more interactions than this but these were some of the most memorable.
His mom told me that she was the reason he and his ex broke up. To which I thought she was joking, but she wasn’t. Okay more backstory on the issue of the presents: my boyfriend is an awful gift giver, when it involves me. He got me a ring one like a love knot ring which was super sweet, and he told his mom and she freaked.
So ever since this, he’s been giving me like basic gifts, and I feel like it’s because of what she says. So he had some packages come into the apartment and I was moving them out of living area (very tiny apartment) and a card from a luxury jewelry company slipped out with the receipt and a card that says “to mom.”
He spent over a thousand on her and I think he got me a sweatshirt from my college because he asked me my sweatshirt size and then sent me what he got his sister, which is a vintage sweatshirt from her college too. I just feel weird he got me and his sister the same gift. His parents are millionaires and she’s frequently gifted jewelry or cars.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
LongStriver − Even if you ignore all the mom parts of the story, this seems like it comes down to him not valuing you normally and meeting your relationship needs. For someone you have dated 3 years, this suggests the relationship doesn’t have a good future, and it might be best for you to break up. Maybe he is leading you on about other things; managing parents is hard enough even when they aren’t openly hostile.
goodbye-toilet-cat − This won’t get better. You should have dumped him after the literal first time you met his mom, she talked made up s**t about you to him, and it GOT TO HIM and he started treating you badly as a result of her influence. It’s still happening and you’ve been putting up with it for 3 years. No more.
WeeklyConversation8 − He’s a Mama’s boy. Don’t date Mama’s boys. Mom will make your life hell. She’ll never be wrong and he’ll do whatever she says/wants. As you see he puts her first and hasn’t ever stood up for you.
00Lisa00 − You will never have a healthy relationship with this guy as his mother doesn’t like you and he will always defer to his mother. Honestly no woman will ever be good enough for him other than her in her (and his) eyes
RpgFantasyGal − As someone who has a Monster-In-Law… you have to sit down with your boyfriend. Explain what you want out of life, how you expect others to treat you. That you are done with his mom’s meddling. He will either stand up to his mom, or he won’t. You make decisions based on that.
PonderWhoIAm − Just EW! Stop chasing this boy. Remember when courting was about impressing your girl who you want to marry. And not their mama!. As a boy mom, it’s so much ick! Don’t let them do this to your self esteem. You’re striving for so much more. Do not settle for just meh.
ETA: I hope OP realized when she wrote he’s an awful gift giver and it only pertained to her. That she realizes it’s a choice HE made. It wasn’t until his mommy said something that he became inconsiderate. Like come on. These are just a few of her examples. How can she not see this. Ugh!
HauntingGur4402 − Youre always gonna play second fiddle to his mum, unless you want to be in a three way relationship with him n his mother, id say get out while you can
HoshiJones − If it were me, I’d break up with him, his mother sounds like a toxic twat. If he refused to countenance her twattiness, it would be okay, but he doesn’t. I suppose you could have a heart to heart talk with him, but I’d be surprised if it did any good.
Lucky-Technology-174 − When a man has a n**cissist mom, she’s taught him that he is responsible for HER emotions. He’s probably dealt with this all his life. Counseling and low or no contact with the mom are the best choices here.
LuckNo4294 − Run
Do you think the boyfriend’s gift-giving choices were influenced too much by his mother’s opinions, or is there another reason for the disparity? How would you feel in the user’s situation, where family dynamics seem to affect your relationship? Share your thoughts and opinions below!