Boyfriend 24M read my diary 24F. Is this able to be salvaged?

A woman (24F) grapples with betrayal and conflict after her boyfriend of nearly four years (24M) read her private diary without permission. In it, he found raw and emotional entries about their relationship.

Which led to a heated confrontation. Now, she feels her privacy was violated and struggles to salvage their bond amidst the hurt. Read the full story below.

‘ Boyfriend 24M read my diary 24F. Is this able to be salvaged?’

Boyfriend of nearly 4 years (we live together) read my diary. In it, he found an entry of me expressing my feelings about our relationship when I was particularly upset one day. Basically saying how I don’t feel emotionally connected to him a lot and just issues with who takes initiative with dates and whatnot.

Inside it were also other entries that were personal to me that I used to express some really dark thoughts and bad moments in my life.
Also in it were entries of me being grateful and loving my relationship and the good in my life.

He found the diary, left it open, and left our house. When he came back he yelled at me for what was in it and told me to shut up when I tried to explain where those feelings had come from and that I was trying to work through my emotions by writing them down.

He says I broke his heart. I don’t know what to do. I feel like my privacy has been invaded. If it had been an entry about me cheating on him or expressing feelings for someone else I could understand the rage.

Instead, I’m being punished for having emotions and expressing them in what I thought was a private venue. Rather than apologizing, he thinks I’m fully in the wrong.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Alycakeisdelish −  He invaded your privacy, read your innermost thoughts, that were private for a reason, and then got mad at you for them. Diaries are a great way of working through issues and getting thoughts, ideas, and complex emotional feelings off your chest in a safe way. They were not his to read.

And then instead of feeling bad, returning the diary, and taking everything to the grave, he yelled at you for it AND told you to “shut up” when you tried to explain yourself (something you were not obligated to do).

D**p this guy and you’ll feel so much better. Find someone who respects your privacy and your mental autonomy. If he’s done this once, he will do it again.

DplusLplusKplusM −  You are correct that your privacy was invaded. But you’re also discovering that the man who invaded also thinks he should be able to control even your innermost thoughts.

In terms of salvageability, you’re the one who’s been wronged here so you’re the one who’d have to forgive him. If he can’t even accept that he’s the one at fault then it’s not worth trying to salvage it. Four years means nothing if he could so easily tear it all apart.

Orion-geist −  Good job at using journaling to work out through emotions, that’s great for you, don’t let a bad experience ruin your good habits. His reaction is just dumb and childish,

the things you wrote which he is reacting to are issues almost every relationship goes through at one point or another, these are also things couples usually work through but with the way he reacted I understand why it might not feel safe to talk to him about it.

Is it common for him to tell you to shut up? Is this how you guys talk to each other? I don’t think that’s healthy and you shouldn’t allow it. Stand your ground and be proud of yourself for doing something good for your mental health. Might be time to leave this guy behind.

Mediorco −  • He read your diary violating your privacy • He yelled at you, using verbal violence. For me those are two red flags. I vote for the Breaking Up option. You are not to blame for writing your feelings in something totally private. Sorry OP. I wouldn’t trust him again.

p0tat0p0tat0 −  D**p, d**p, d**p, d**p. Did I mention, d**p him?

Similar_Corner8081 −  Nah the way he spoke to you after violating your privacy is grounds for me to end the relationship. So he’s verbally a**sive. No thanks. Life is to short to deal with b**lshit and being yelled at abs he told you to shut up.

Lula_Lane_176 −  I have been married for more than 20 years. About 5 years before we even got married my husband did something similar. Came across my journal, read some of it, and was dumb enough to tell me. I didn’t yell at him for invading my privacy, although I would have been well within my rights to do just that.

I also didn’t panic or ask what part exactly he read. I looked at him stone faced and said “don’t do that s**t again unless you want more of the same”. I was completely unapologetic. He tried to ask me why I said those things about him.

I simply told him he didn’t get to have feelings about ANYTHING I’d written down because those were my private thoughts. Basically you don’t get to be mad about it. Stay or leave, IDGAF.

To this day that man will not even retrieve anything from my purse if I ask him because he thinks it’s a violation of my privacy lol. My advice is to be completely UNAPOLOGETIC.

Say_when66642069 −  I would literally never forgive someone

Upstairs-Housing-947 −  No. I would never forgive reading my diary. I’m 25. It’s not like I have many secrets, no. most of my friends know what’s going on in my life and I talk about my feelings, but in that stupid notebook I’m not censoring my thoughts and I do not picking nice words.

There are raw emotions, good and bad but also my perspective on things and situations. there is seriously nothing that could make me more angry and sad that that kind of intrusion of my privacy. Those words are for future me and for nobody else.

He cannot blame you for what you once felt. He doesn’t have any rights to be angry. He wouldn’t be sad if he kept his hands away of your dairy the moment he had realised what he has been holding.

HomemadeMacAndCheese −  He told you to shut up so he could continue to yell at you? Because he destroyed your privacy and trust by reading your private, innermost thoughts and didn’t like SOME of them???

This guy is a huuuuuge controlling a**hole. For what it’s worth, each one of These things individually would be a dealbreaker to men the three of them combined? Nails in the coffin.

Trust and privacy are cornerstones of any relationship, and this situation challenges both. Was the boyfriend’s reaction justified, or did he overstep by invading her privacy? How can they rebuild trust after this? Share your insights and thoughts below.