Do I (43m) tell my wife (45f) I’m about to put my dog to sleep?

A man (43M) faces a heartbreaking decision about whether to tell his wife (45F) that he’s putting their dog to sleep that same day. While his wife has expressed that she can’t handle being involved in the decision or the appointment.

He wonders if he should give her the opportunity to say goodbye or spare her the hours of emotional pain leading up to it. What’s the right approach in such a delicate situation? Read the full story below.

‘ Do I (43m) tell my wife (45f) I’m about to put my dog to sleep?’

I know the title sounds awful, but it’s not that bad and frankly I’m not doing great right now. My guy is eleven and three weeks ago we found out he has cancer and there is no saving him. We took him home and have been loving on him and making his last days as good as they can possibly be and he’s been doing so good.

Happy. Energetic. Even playing with the other dogs in his Senior citizen way. Just last night we were talking about how strong he’s been getting. This morning, after his second trip outside, he is bleeding from his bottom.

He doesn’t seem in pain, but I know it’s time. It hurts so badly it’s not even funny, but I promised myself I won’t wait until he’s suffering.
My wife already told me that she can’t handle making the decision. That I would need to decide when it’s time and I would have to take him because she just couldn’t be there.

I made the appointment for late this afternoon and I’ve got him in my office and just been celebrating his last day with him and trying not to sob and scare him. She’s upstairs working and has no clue. Since she can’t go with me, I feel like if I tell her, yes, it gives her the time to say goodbye

(in fairness he’s my dog and they’re close but not nearly as close as I am to him) knowing that for the two or three hours I’m gone she’s just gonna be curled up sobbing or do I take him, deny her that chance to say goodbye but be there for her when she falls apart? I don’t know. What would you do here?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Oohkbutnotokay −  She is going to be sobbing after she finds out too. That and shocked at you. Tell her, let her say goodbye and dont cruelly deny that memory.

Beneficial-Help1350 −  Let her say goodbye 🙁

AnswerMost9146 −  Please tell her so she can say goodbye. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Sending love 😪

super_bluecat −  Let her say goodbye. Not being able to make the decision isn’t the same as not being a part of the process. Also, let her be there for you.

Michilango −  Went through a similar situation. Roles reversed. My husband wasnt ready and I had to make the call. I absolutely told him and at the last minute he wanted to be there for his dog and say goodbye. He held him while he took his last breath and he’s glad he was there.

I’m not saying she will change her mind about being there but she will want to say goodbye and give him final loving. If you dont tell her it’s happening she will always look back at this moment and hold resentment. Please tell her and let her decide how she wants to process this massive change that’s about to happen. Losing a dog is not easy.

Incognito9658 −  I read a story once written by a vet that said how sad it is when dogs are put to sleep and the owners aren’t there with the dog. The vet said the dogs are scared.

So when it came time to put my 16 yr old dog down I made sure I was there as sad and heartbreaking as it was. Not going would have been selfish and she didn’t deserve to be alone.

KCreelman −  Let her say goodbye. She knows she can’t be there, and that’s ok. She knows you’re making the call and that’s ok too. The requests have been fulfilled. What nobody needs is a lack of closure. Have some time with the three of you. My heart goes out to you, friend.

jamicam −  I’m so sorry for what you are going through with your sweet doggo. My deepest sympathies. Tell her, let her decide how she wants to say goodbye. Be nice to each other while you grieve. Know that you gave him a good life and took care of him until the very end.

Princess-Jennifer9 −  Let her say goodbye please

mich-me −  I went through a similar situation with my then 16yr old son and our 15yr old dog, he kept begging me to put it off, and our ride or die doggo would “get better” for a bit and then decline and the steroids were helping with that cycle.

Finally after realizing that doggo was suffering more than he would let on, I made the difficult decision to bring him in when my kiddo was at school. I made up a white lie and told him that he passed away peacefully and unexpectedly. I’ll take that secret to my grave.

Saying goodbye to a beloved pet is one of life’s toughest moments. Should he honor his wife’s expressed boundaries by not telling her, or give her the chance to say goodbye despite the pain it may bring? What would you do in his place? Share your thoughts below.